We spent the next hour as normally as any other evening at my house. My parents ate dinner at the table while I worked on homework. My father asked about school and I explained how uncomfortable the whole day had been, but also expressed that I was optimistic it would fade with time. I did not tell my parents Hayes was my new history teacher. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep from blushing or stumbling over words and decided to avoid the topic altogether.
As if he could tell I was thinking about him, my phone pinged.
**My mom is still pretty upset. Once she settles down and goes to sleep I’ll come over. Will you meet me on your porch?**
**Sure. My parents should be in bed in about an hour. Is your mom going to be all right?**
**I hope so. See you soon.**
There was no way to concentrate on schoolwork after his message, but I tried. I sat at the table until my parents decided to go to bed, staring at homework and feigning concentration. When they finally said their good nights, I let out a relieved sigh, feeling as though I’d gotten away with something.
I packed up my bag and went upstairs. I pulled a hoodie over my head, slipped on my Converse, made sure the bun on top of my head looked messy but not too messy, and I waited.
Finally, his message came, asking me to meet him at my front door.
My heart was cartwheeling around my chest, the thumping of its beat pulsing all the way to my fingertips. I sneaked to the front door, opening it slowly, then sliding outside into the darkness. I saw Hayes’s silhouette, his back toward me, turning quickly when he heard me step outside.
There’d been a split second where I panicked about whether or not the kissing in the rain had been a mistake, worried that he’d come over to tell me what we’d done was wrong and couldn’t happen again. But he hardly let those fears take root before he pulled me to him and kissed me again.
When he pulled away, it was only his lips he took from me, his arms still wrapped around me, body still pressed close.
“Hey,” he said, and I could have sworn he sounded shy. Hayes. Shy. He’d never been anything but confident, sometimes cocky to the point of eye rolling. I couldn’t believe that Hayes might have been feeling the same nerves I was, the same apprehension, asking the same questions as I was.
Was it really happening?
Could we really do this?
After all that time?
“Hey,” I replied. “I can’t believe you’re here.” My words came out as breathy whispers.
“I can’t believe I can kiss you whenever I want.” With that he leaned in again and pressed a quick but swoon-worthy kiss against my mouth. “God, Kenz, I waited two years between kisses, and now I can just, I don’t know, kiss you. It feels surreal.”
“It’s surreal that you even thought about kissing me in the last two years.” I couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped me. At my words, his hand that was wrapped around the side of my neck gently tightened.
“I’ve thought about you every single day for years, Kenz.”
Suddenly, a strong wave of relief rushed through me. I moved into him, pressing my cheek against his chest, loving the way his arms naturally wound around me, holding me close to him. I listened to his heartbeat, felt the warmth from his body against my face.
After a few minutes of just feeling him against me, I said something I knew needed to be addressed.
“We can’t tell anyone,” I whispered. “No one would understand, Hayes. It would hurt so many people.” And that hurt me. We were just hours into this—whatever this was—and I already knew it was different than what I had with Cory. I’d never felt anything close to this with him. And knowing that something that felt so wonderful to me would hurt and confuse those closest to us left a dark cloud over everything.
“I know,” he said softly, sounding despondent, just before pressing his lips to the top of my head. “You should probably go back inside. It’s getting late.”
I knew he was right, knew it was better to be inside instead of standing on my porch hugging him, but his words just brought fears I wasn’t prepared for. What if we went our separate ways that night and then everything went back to the way it was the next day? What if this one night was some sort of fluke, and tomorrow we were forced back to the old Hayes and McKenzie? I didn’t want to go back; didn’t want to lose whatever connection we’d forged in the rain that night. I wanted him to know, for whatever it was worth, how much I wanted us to continue, risks and obstacles be damned.
Taking no time to worry about his response, I lifted onto my toes, reached up, and kissed him. Whatever I couldn’t say, whatever feelings were too powerful to give words to, I put them into that kiss. I showed him my fears, my worries, but most of all, I showed him what I wanted.
I wanted him.
He answered my kiss with one of his own.