Indelible

The next morning Neil snoozed his alarm four times, then woke in a panic and had to shower so quickly that the water never got warm. He’d meant to get to the station a little early so he’d have a chance to buy Magdute some flowers, but by the time he got off the metro at Gare du Nord it was already after six.

Neil would have skipped the flowers altogether—now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure they were appropriate—except that he’d been in such a rush, he’d forgotten to brush his teeth. He needed gum. A man walked past pushing a newspaper cart with one hand, holding a bucket of roses in the other, each wrapped in plastic. Neil waved for him to stop. He bought a rose, thinking that white was probably better than red, but when he asked for gum the man rustled through the candy bars and bags of chips on his cart and shook his head. There was a real newsstand at the other end of the station, but before Neil could get there he saw Magdute standing near the information booth with an old gray suitcase and a box under her arm, a stationary point in the flow of travelers. She raised her hand and waved to him.

“Hi,” he said when he made it through the crowd. He leaned in to do the cheek kiss thing. She leaned in too, and at the last instant Neil panicked, not knowing which way she was going. He tried to switch sides, which meant they almost ended up kissing each other on the lips, and so they abandoned the whole thing.

“Bienvenue,” he said and handed her the flower. It was already starting to be too heavy for its stem.

“Okay, so nice,” she said.

“I like your glasses,” Neil said. Starting off conversations with girls by complimenting them was a nervous tic Neil had. As usual, it just made him look like a jerk, because Magdute took her glasses off right away and put them back into a case in her purse, saying, “I only wear them sometimes.”

“Oh, well they look good,” Neil said. “I mean, they suit you.”

“Well, this is nice for you to say,” Magdute said.

“So how long till your bus?” Neil asked. “Should we get some breakfast?”

“Yes, I will have time for that,” Magdute said.

Her suitcase flipped over when he tried to roll it, so Neil picked it up and carried it back toward the trains, where there was a little café right on the platform. Magdute sat with her bag and Neil got them each a coffee and a couple of pastries. He didn’t know how Magdute liked her coffee, so he got a whole handful of sugar packets.

When he got back to the table, Magdute had her glasses on again, but she took them off as soon as she saw him. It was funny to think that she was shy about something like that.

“I wasn’t sure how hungry you were,” Neil said, putting down the pastries. “They have sandwiches too.”

“No, this is great, really,” Magdute said.

They took the first sips of their coffee, which tasted like it had been scraped right off the train tracks, and reached for the sugar packets at the same time. “I hope I got enough,” Neil said.

Sunlight filtered in through the yellow glass of the vaulted ceiling, making a web of shadows on the floor. Birds flew around and pecked at an old brioche. A German family at the table next to them was playing cards. Brakes hissed and musical chimes sounded as trains arrived, sliding into their slots at the platform like trained snakes. When Neil looked up, Magdute’s pain au chocolat was gone and she was licking her finger to pick up the crumbs. Neil wished he’d bought her a chausson aux pommes too.

“So you’re headed home?” Neil asked.

“Yeah,” she said. “Actually I have been losing my job in Swindon, and it is not so easy to find another one, so, you know, I am thinking I will go home.”

“Gosh, that’s too bad,” Neil said.

“No, it’s okay, really, I think I am a little bit finished in England. My living situation is not so good there, and actually at home in Vilnius my mother is opening one pizza restaurant, so maybe I can help her for running it.”

“Oh yeah,” Neil said, since she brought it up. “Yeah, that Australian guy, that was definitely weird.”

“Which Australian?”

“That guy, Barry,” Neil said.

“No, he is not from there.”

“Oh, he sounded Australian,” Neil said.

“He is from Africa.”

“Really?” Neil asked.

“Yeah. You know, Rhodesia?”

“Sort of,” Neil said. “But he is weird, right?”

“Yeah,” Magdute said.

Neil wanted to ask her more about it, like what had happened after he told her about the camera, but he knew it wasn’t his business.

“So how long is it going to take you to get home?” Neil asked.

“Maybe one day and half, something like this,” she said.

“Boy, that’s a long bus ride,” Neil said, and they were both quiet for a little while. Magdute was still picking pastry crumbs off her napkin, even though there weren’t any left.

“I’m starving,” Neil said. “I’m going to get some sandwiches. What kind do you want? I think they have ham.”

“No really, it’s okay,” Magdute said.

Neil got a ham sandwich and one with egg and cheese and a chausson aux pommes and brought them back to the table.

“Look,” he said. “I really hope nothing I said about that thing, you know, that I found, made things too weird for you with that guy. I mean, obviously, it was weird, but I hope it didn’t, like, freak you out too much.”

“Well, no,” Magdute said. It didn’t look like she was planning on saying anything else.

“So did you find another place?” he asked.

“What other place?”

“To live—you know.”

“No, I am staying all time at Barry’s house,” Magdute said.

At the table next to them, the German mother won the card game. Three army guards with assault rifles paced in synchronized steps along the platform. Neil thought of the archives with its long tables and the lamps with their little green shades, the cartons of yellowed papers tied up with strings and the old men sneezing quietly into their handkerchiefs, and wished he were there.

“Actually the camera isn’t working like you said,” Magdute said. Her sandwich was almost gone. Neil hadn’t started his yet. He pushed it toward her. He wasn’t really hungry.

“What do you mean?” Neil said. “Of course it was working.”

“Is working, yeah, but not for recording. I am checking, and the wires are going totally wrong. Barry is shit for installing electronics, he will even have to ask me how to turn on the TV.”

“Yeah, but he can still see you, right?” Neil said.

“Only if he is looking just at the moment.”

“Still, that’s illegal, what he did. It’s an invasion of privacy, did you tell him that?”

Magdute shrugged.

“Magdute, I’m serious,” Neil said. “He should be in jail.”

“Well, no, not for this.”

“Yeah,” Neil said. “For this.”

“It’s complicated,” Magdute said.

“No it’s not. He could have other ones. He could be making videos and, like, selling them on the Internet.” Magdute had finished the sandwich and the chausson aux pommes and was folding her napkin into the shape of a boat.

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