I made no comment as I slid into the passenger seat, the leather like warm butter on my legs. He closed the door gently beside me and then rounded the car, hopping into the driver’s seat.
“You upgraded the Nova,” I said, thinking back to his blacked-out muscle car. I couldn’t think of the car without picturing all those times I’d tagged along with Landon and Matt, folded up into the tiny back seat as I secretly watched Landon, falling deeper in love with every shift and turn.
“Nah, I still have the Nova. You don’t upgrade American muscle. You just get another car so you can baby the first one.”
His smile was captivating, lighting his eyes in the way he used to look. In a way that reminded me of the years I spent following him around.
“I did fix the dent in the fender, though.”
I couldn’t help but burst out laughing as I remembered how the dent had gotten there. Landon’s car had been his pride and joy in high school, and after six months of begging him to let me drive it, he’d relented.
I’d then proceeded to back it straight into a light pole.
The memory lingered as I grinned and leaned forward, twisting the A/C vent so it would blast me right in the face, making my hair billow out around my shoulders. “I probably should have warned you I didn’t know how to drive a stick.”
Landon stared straight at me, the smile still playing at his lips. “I knew.”
I shoved his arm. “You did not.”
“You really think we just happened to be in an abandoned parking lot when I finally said yes? I admit, the light pole was an oversight. Should’ve seen that one coming.” He put the SUV in reverse and pulled out of the parking stall, heading toward the surface street.
I thought back to that night. To the dusk light and the old, broken light poles that had long since stopped shining. We’d driven to an old, shuttered movie theater. For one heart-stopping moment, I actually thought he’ been taking me on a date, and had simply forgotten that the theater was closed.
Instead, he’d stopped the car and tossed me the keys.
He’d been different that night. Quiet strength, tempered with something like sadness. I thought back on that night over and over and over, wondering if he knew then that he’d be leaving me. If letting me drive his car was some kind of peace offering.
“I figured you’d forgotten the theater was closed,” I said, before I realized what I was saying. That I was admitting to my silly, girlish fantasy that he’d actually planned to take me out on a date.
He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “You thought I was taking you to the movies?”
“Does it matter?”
“It does to me.” He stared straight forward, as if driving took all of his concentration.
“Then yes. I was seventeen and stupid, clearly.”
He said something under his breath, but I couldn’t make it out. So I turned to the window and watched the strip malls pass in a blur.
“What have you been doing all this time?” he asked, several long, silent miles later.
I glanced back at him. “You don’t want to know.”
“Of course I do.”
“I sell vitamins at a mall kiosk,” I said. “I think you can fill in the blanks.”
“Are you okay?” His hand slid off the console, resting on my knee. I tried to ignore the warmth, the strength in his touch.
“Not really,” I said softly, training my eyes on the window.
He knew not to fill in the silence, to just let me know he was there, never taking his hand off my leg. There was a confidence to it, like he knew that I wanted it to stay right there, his thumb making little circles on my thigh.
My heartbeat was doing a rapid thump-thump-thump against my ribcage, moving faster every time his thumb increased its speed against my flesh.
“I feel like I stopped moving when my mom died,” I said. “My dad’s back at work now. Matt’s always out with friends and at least he has a good job. My life just totally stalled out and I don’t know how to get it moving again.”
“Close your eyes,” he said.
I flicked a look at him, but he was staring at the road. In profile, his jaw was strong, prominent.
I did as he asked, my eyes slipping shut.
“Picture yourself in five years. What does it look like?”
I snorted, feeling awkward. Landon and I. . . we had never talked about our futures. I guess I should’ve assumed we didn’t have one together. “This feels suspiciously like I’m interviewing for my new job.”
He squeezed my leg, letting his fingers slide back and forth, back and forth. I think it was supposed to be reassuring but it was driving me crazy, making me want to lean into him.
“I’m serious,” he said. “If someone showed up and waved a magic wand, giving you everything you ever wanted, what are you doing in five years?”
With the way he was touching me, all I could think was, I would be with you. But that was ridiculous.