The tears were in her eyes again as she asked.
He turned around and looked at her and now she saw his eyes were red-rimmed also. “Fuck.” His nostrils flared and his breathing grew shallow. He bit his lip as if to stop himself from breaking down. “I—I don’t think I can do this. I don’t think…” he shook his head and waved her away.
She watched him, believing at any moment he’d start to talk again. But he didn’t. Instead, he merely shook his head over and over and waved her towards the door.
“Red,” she said. “Please, can we talk about it?”
He ushered her to the door, not able to look at her or say anything, but he made it clear he wanted her to go.
She stepped out of his office and he shut the door.
Nicole stood with her cheek close to the door, wondering if he was doing the same from the other side. She knew that Red wanted her still, just as she wanted him.
But for some reason she couldn’t fathom, he was unable to truly be with her. He couldn’t even talk about why, about the demons that seemed to haunt him.
***
Weeks passed.
Somehow time went by. Nicole couldn’t grasp the way minutes became hours became days, but it happened and the next thing she knew, it had been nearly a month since she had seen or spoken to Red Jameson.
Life had regained some sort of normalcy. Work was fine, and she had returned to assisting Remi for the most part, although Edward appreciated her so much that he still forced Remi to let Nicole do tasks for him now and again.
She was collecting a steady paycheck for the first time, which was lovely, although each one reminded her of Red—he signed all of them. The first time she’d looked at his signature she’d almost burst into tears, which would have been very awkward for her coworkers.
Occasionally she checked The Rag and googled Red’s name to see if there’d been any stories about their broken engagement, but nobody had picked up on it as of yet.
Finally, enough time had gone by and she knew it had to be done.
“I’m going to tell my parents,” Nicole said to Danielle one Sunday morning over bagels and coffee, sitting at a little table outside their favorite café. The umbrella overhead cast them in shadow as they sat together and talked.
Danielle’s eyes widened. “Are you really going to tell them about breaking it off with Red?”
“Yeah.” Nicole took a bite of her everything bagel. It was tasty and good, and when she had a sip of coffee to wash it down, she could almost convince herself she felt okay about what she had to do.
“I don’t know, Nicole,” her roommate said uncertainly, ripping off a piece of her chocolate croissant and chewing it slowly. “What if you and Red get back together?”
“It’s been a month and we haven’t even spoken.”
“True.” Danielle stared at her plate.
“I’d have thought you’d be pushing me to tell them,” Nicole said.
“Because I called your parents?”
“Ummm…yeah.” Nicole grinned at her.
Danielle sighed. “I guess I just see how sad you are since the two of you split up.”
Nicole was surprised. “Really?” She fiddled with her coffee cup absentmindedly. “I didn’t think I was giving off a super gloomy vibe or anything.”
“You’re not that obvious about it, but I can tell. You’re not the same.” Danielle ripped another piece from her croissant and thought about it. “I think you’re really unhappy.”
Now it was Nicole’s turn to stop and consider what Danielle was telling her. She’d been keeping busy and trying her best not to really think about her life or her deeper emotions. But when she did occasionally stop and take stock of things, there was an instant lump in her stomach, a rush of sadness, grief really, that took hold and didn’t want to let go.
“Okay, so maybe I am sad. But it’s natural to be sad when you break up with someone, isn’t it?”
Danielle nodded. “Yeah, of course it is.” She squinted a little as the sun moved into view. “I just wonder if maybe the two of you have unfinished business.”
Nicole shook her head definitively. “We don’t.”
“Okay, if you say so.”
“Danielle!” Nicole flipped her hair in frustration. “You’re supposed to be the friend who keeps telling me to forget about my ex and move on.”
“I know, I know.”
“Anyway, I am moving on. I need closure and telling my folks is part of it.”
Danielle just raised her eyebrows and stuffed another piece of croissant in her mouth without further comment.
After breakfast, Nicole called home and told her parents she wanted to visit them. She’d take the train to Syracuse from Penn Station and return back to New York the next day. Her father sounded surprised.
“What’s the occasion?” he asked.
“Oh, just missing you guys.”