“This isn’t normal?”
She laughed wildly. “No, Cullen. No, this is absolutely not normal.” She laughed again in disbelief that such a smart man could be so clueless.
Cullen was silent for a moment. “What would be normal under the circumstances?” he said.
“We just had sex,” she told him.
“I’m aware of that.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” she said. “If we were being normal, maybe there would’ve been some cuddling afterwards. Some acknowledgment of what just happened between us.”
“How would you know what’s normal after sex?” Cullen asked.
She felt her cheeks turn red with embarrassment. “Just because I’m a virgin—was a virgin—doesn’t mean I’m an idiot. I’ve read books, magazines, seen TV and movies.”
Cullen chuckled. “If you expect me to be like one of those guys from the Hollywood romantic comedies—that’s not going to happen.”
“I’m not talking about that. I’m not asking for the world. I’m just asking for something,” she said. “Just a little human kindness.”
He looked at her for a moment before turning back to the road ahead. “Fine,” he said. “Let’s compromise. How about breakfast tomorrow morning before work?”
She stared at him. “That’s supposed to make me feel better? Some consolation prize,” she continued. “Coffee and bagels with my boss. That’s really sweet, Cullen, but no thanks.”
“Lunch, then.”
“No,” she said, feeling more and more aggravated. “I don’t want to have some stiff, awkward lunch together so you can pretend you did the right thing.”
“You’re emotional,” he said.
She glared at him. “I’m human.”
He didn’t respond, but she saw his jaw twitch as he stared ahead, his knuckles white on the steering wheel.
After some time, she tried again.
“What was in that envelope?” she asked him.
“It’s just a court date over some dispute…” he waved his hand like it was something silly, like small claims court.
“What kind of dispute?”
“Not even worth discussing,” he told her. But his voice had taken on a steely edge once more.
“So what is worth discussing, Cullen?” she asked, folding her hands in her lap, like a teacher with a particularly stubborn student.
“Perhaps nothing,” he said, his lips curling into a grin. “Wouldn’t that be something,” he said, amused now.
“What about that woman I heard you talking with early this morning? In your house, near the crack of dawn? Is that worth discussing or not?”
Cullen’s shoulders tensed. “That was someone…someone who’s very confused about who I am and what I’m capable of.”
“Sounds familiar,” Ivy muttered, looking away from him and out the window now.
“What did you say?” he asked.
“Nothing,” Ivy said. “It’s obvious you’re not going to tell me a damn thing, so there’s really no point in continuing.”
They pulled up in front of her apartment building. She looked at him.
“I’m tired,” Cullen said, and his eyes were weary. “Tomorrow will be better. Lunch,” he continued.
“How did you know where I live?”
He shrugged. “Lucky guess.”
She almost continued to press him, but then she realized it wasn’t worth it. Cullen was a man who refused to give an inch, or maybe he truly was just incapable of opening up to anyone else.
“Must be nice to be so lucky,” she told him, as she opened her car door and started to get out.
“Ivy,” he began.
She looked back. “Yes?” Even now, she could feel herself hoping for something from him—anything she could cling to as evidence that he wasn’t just some calculating robot without emotions.
He opened his mouth, and for a moment, she was sure he was going to tell her something real. Something important.
Instead, he smiled faintly. “Try and get some sleep,” he told her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She shook her head sadly and shut the car door on him, turned and walked to her building without looking back.
As she inserted her key into the door, she could hear the distinctive sound of Cullen’s sports car idling, and she knew he was waiting to make sure she got safely inside.
That should matter, right? He cares about me. He’s watching over me.
But she knew it wasn’t enough—it wasn’t enough for her, even if Cullen was trying his very best. His best wasn’t very good, and she couldn’t deal with his ups and downs, the way he acted like he might open up but then shut down again every time.
She trudged up the flight of stairs and let herself into her apartment.
She threw her keys onto the coffee table and then turned on the TV, wanting to just have some dumb show on to distract her from her thoughts. She turned on a few lights and then passed by her window.
Cullen’s sports car was still down there.
Still watching.
That night she had a vivid dream.