“Ah. Yes. Well, she’ll be happy to see you, I’m sure. Especially to find out you’ve moved back here.”
It’s been hard as fuck keeping this a secret from my best friend. Which means I’ve basically stopped talking to her in the last week or so, so I wouldn’t spill the beans. But it’ll be worth it. Lauren’s mentioned several times how much she misses me and wishes I’d come home for a visit.
I think Xander suspects I have more than friendly feelings toward Lauren, but he hasn’t pushed me about it. Yet. I’ve been careful not to give anything away to him or anyone else, mostly because I don’t know what I’m going to do about it.
Lauren and I have been best friends since the first day of middle school. I’ve been in love with her since, oh, the second day of middle school. And she has no fucking clue how I feel.
So yeah, it’s past time I did something—I’m done trying to protect the friendship and not acting on my feelings, which is basically how I spent my entire damn childhood. Big rewards require big risks, and Lauren is worth it. Besides, over the last decade, I watched far too many good people die for me to squander the opportunity of finding happiness with the woman who got me through some dark-as-fuck days. Sometimes, the only thing helping me stay strong over there was seeing her face, hearing her voice in my ear.
Knowing she was safe and sound at home and wanting me to return. That has to mean something to her. It sure as hell does to me. Lauren was a ray of light, and her brightness dragged me out of the depths of my pain more than once.
I’ve stalled long enough. I need to try. Do or die time.
I turn my attention toward mopping the floor. Lauren will be here at eighteen hundred hours. I have enough time to get this place in shape, head to Dad’s to shower, then rush back here for the surprise.
A sudden thought pops into my head, and I do the mental math. “Hey, isn’t this year a big anniversary for Mom and Dad? I wonder if that’s one of the reasons he’s suddenly changed. Maybe he’s having a hard time dealing with it.”
Xander pauses and turns to eye me. His lips thin. “Holy shit, I think you’re right. Wouldn’t this have been their…thirty-year anniversary?”
My heart sinks.
My mom and I had a difficult relationship when I was a growing up. She was the very definition of Helicopter Mom, kept me inside the house whenever she could, too afraid of me getting hurt or sick. Didn’t help that Xander wouldn’t let her steamroll him, and snuck out whenever he felt like it, damn the consequences, so she took all her anxieties out on me. One random nosebleed would send her into fits, sure I was dying.
It was no wonder I needed to escape from that, and the military was the perfect option to force me out of my comfort zone. Well, it sure as fuck did that.
But in spite of my struggles with my mom, she and Dad were happy, in their own way. He liked her fussiness, despite his mock scowls. I know he has to feel lost without her, even though he never showed it when she died.
“I’ll call Dad tonight,” I tell my brother firmly. After I see Lauren, make plans for us to get together soon.
That hum of anticipation slides across my skin again, and I clean out the mop and bucket and dump them into the closet. Her name is always right on the edge of my mind, without fail. Lauren. The woman I crave with an intensity I’ve never come close to feeling for anyone else.
God knows I’ve fucking tried.
Xander’s cell phone rings, and he tugs it from his pocket. “Hey, babe. What’s up?” He pauses for a good minute or so and frowns. “Oh God, seriously? Calm down, babe. It’ll be fine. It can all be cleaned up, I’m sure. He’s just in that stage.”
I can’t help the laugh that barks out of me. My toddler nephew, James, is a handful to say the least. My brother has reaped all the shit he sowed as a kid, and has a son with an independent streak as wide as the Mississippi River. The kid is a terror, part of the reason why Rebecca quit work. Apparently he was too much of a handful for the sitters she hired.
Xander glares at me and flips me the bird. “Babe, babe, babe, okay, calm down. Don’t lose your shit. I’ll figure something out. Lemme call you back, okay? Take a breath and lay him down in his bed for a nap. I’ll call you back.” He ends the call and sighs, raking a hand through his dark hair. “Fuck, that kid is going to kill us.”
“What did he do this time?” Not gonna lie, I get off on the paybacks. I’m sure up in heaven, Mom is laughing her ass off too. My brother deserves it, though I don’t know if his wife does or not.
“Rebecca is having a meltdown. James was out of her eyesight for, like, thirty seconds, and managed to draw on the whole bathroom in red permanent marker. Well, as high as he can reach, anyway. Toilet, tub, floor, wall—everything. Not to mention he managed to get most of his exposed skin covered too.”