"I'm going to call you tonight, Jules. I want to make sure you snap out of crazy-woman hell."
Laughing, I agree for her to call and then end the conversation. Taking my coffee and my phone, I traipse into the lounge room and curl up on the couch in front of the television. This is something I never do on a weekday, but it's all I feel like doing today. I need to think about what Lesley said.
My level of crazy around men is silly and I know this, but I'm not sure how to work on it and make it better. Thinking back, it probably started about halfway into my relationship with Jeff. He seemed to grow tired of me at that point and I began questioning him all the time, wanting to make everything better. I wanted to make him happy, and I was hell-bent on changing to be what he needed. At the time, I thought I fixed our relationship, but in hindsight, it dawns on me that was possibly when all our problems started.
Oh, God.
I changed who I was for him and yet it still wasn’t good enough.
In the course of doing all that, I really did switch to irrational behaviour and thoughts in an effort to figure out what was wrong with our relationship. And what was wrong with me.
After we broke up and I started dating again, every time I found myself interested in a guy, my behaviour turned crazy while I questioned every single thing about the relationship. That's why I decided to put dating on hold. It was far easier to concentrate on my plans without a man around to distract me.
My phone rings, startling me from my thoughts.
"Hello?"
"Hey, sweetheart. How are you?"
Tanner.
Happiness surges through me at the sound of his voice, and I do my best not to expect anything but fun from him. "I'm good, and you?"
"You wanna know the truth or the clean version?" His voice is all gravelly, like he just woke up.
"The truth, of course." I'm actually not really sure what he means by his question, but the truth is always a good thing.
He chuckles. "Just remember you asked for it." He pauses for a moment. "I woke up hard as hell wishing you were here to take care of it."
Desire pools in my core. I've never had a man talk to me this way before. Hell, I've only slept with three guys in my life, and none of them were as forward as Tanner is. "Oh…." I want to die of embarrassment. I'm all tongue-tied and don't know what to say to that. Warmth floods my cheeks as my heart races. And I still can't think of anything.
Another chuckle sounds through the phone. "You did ask for the truth. Now, tell me, I know you said you need some thinking space, but if a guy was to drop by for say, half an hour, would that be a reason to pull your hair out or would it be acceptable behaviour?"
"Half an hour would be fine." The words are out before I even think about it. I'm not so sure I should have agreed, but I can't seem to open my mouth and take it back.
"And would it be okay to drop by in about an hour or so?"
The knots inside me tighten. What am I doing, saying yes? But I don't have it in me to say no. I want to see him again. In my confused state, I switch back to cranky Juliette. "Only if you bring me coffee as well. Cappuccino, no sugar." It kind of comes out a little snappish and rude. Hell, maybe in my screwed-up way I'm trying to scare him off. I'm giving up even trying to analyse my own behaviour because clearly, it's erratic and makes no sense.
He doesn't even hesitate. "Done. I'll see you soon." He ends the call and I sit staring at my phone, wondering where this will all end up.
Chapter Eight
TANNER
As I knock on her front door, I wonder whether I'll get her beast mode or her goddess mode today. Either is fine with me—I can roll with whatever she throws my way.
When I'd told her on the phone that I woke up with a raging hard-on, I hadn't been kidding. Waiting to call her was hell, but I hadn't wanted to chance waking her up at six thirty. Then to wait another hour to visit her has almost done me in, but I don't want to scare her off, so I'm trying like fuck to go slow. She asked for space—this is the best I can manage.
"Hey, you," she greets me, a little breathless.
Goddess mode. To begin with, at least. I know how fast she can turn, so we may still see beast mode.
My gaze roams over her and I wonder if she's trying to kill me here. She knows I'm hard for her and the outfit she's chosen today will test every ounce of restraint I have. Her tiny blue tank and frayed denim shorts that hardly cover anything should be banned from my sight.
When I finally drag my gaze back to hers and give her a smile, it strikes me that she seems a little awkward with me this morning. After she loosened right up last night, I thought maybe we'd moved past this awkwardness, but perhaps not.
I'm torn. I want to kiss her, but she's not giving me any signals that she wants the same.