It wasn't too many years later that I recognized her crush on me for what it was. Over time, our small conversations turned into her telling me her dreams of a future. She'd blush as she endlessly went on about the kind of guy she saw herself marrying. She always described someone just like me. I forced myself not to call her out and make a joke at her expense.
As she got older, though, it turned out all the jokes were on me.
I started to see her much differently. The subtle changes she went through started from sweet innocence and quickly fled to unadulterated beauty. It was as if overnight I found myself looking at her too long, concentrating too hard on her laugh, all while knowing full well it was wrong. For all intents and purposes, even as she turned eighteen, Ryleigh was still a kid in my eyes.
So rather than wage war with my desires, I dismissed her completely. I pushed her away. It hurt to see the reflection of rejection I'd served her, but at the time, I thought it was for the best.
I was too much older in age, far more experienced in life and relationships, and I was unquestionably not good enough.
Ryleigh was going places; she was much too big for the only life this small town could offer. Even as I suffered through severing our relationship, I always held on to hope Ryleigh would find a man who adored and cherished her and would live his days to give her everything she deserved.
Unfortunately, about that same time, she hit my little brother's radar and she did it in a big way. Myles was her age, so the two of them together made sense. But since the day I found out they were going away to the same college and doing it together, as in together, I wanted to come out of my own skin.
Pulling out a chair, I take a seat next to her. Ryleigh finally acknowledges my presence.
"Chase," she greets in a small voice. "Hi."
Nodding at her as I did Kate, I greet, "Ry."
Kate, being just as dramatic as I always remember her, slaps the tabletop with both hands and stands. "I'm off. I've got things to do this evening."
"You don't have to…," Ryleigh stutters, giving Kate a pleading scowl. "Are you sure you have to go now?"
Kate nods once and turns to me. With a knowing but defeated tone, she says, "I have a wedding to plan. Chase, it was good to see you again. Now that our girl's home maybe I'll see more of you."
Our girl.
Smooth, Kate.
Friends always seem to know shit. Just like my best friend Dave knows the forbidden torch I once carried for Ryleigh, Kate must see through my lying disinterest as well.
"Yeah, you'll see me around. Have a good night and stay out of trouble." The latter goes without saying, but means nothing. Trouble follows Kate.
"No fun." She pouts then turns to Ryleigh, who's busy studying her phone. "I'll call you tomorrow."
Ryleigh offers a two-finger wave then sits up in her chair to watch her best friend walk away.
"So," I start, dismissing the silence and getting the awkward conversation we need to have out in the open. "You and Myles."
Ryleigh shrugs and tells the table, "Me and Myles." She takes a small drink from her bottle of beer then says, "Looks like me and you are going to be family."
"That we are," I agree. "Though, I'm wondering…" I stop, wanting to ensure my thought comes across as I mean it to. "Why the rush?"
She shrugs again, and this time I can see she's uncomfortable. "No rush, really."
Ryleigh's not met my eyes once, and I ache to see her. "Look at me, Annie."
Sighing, her gaze comes to mine. She smiles shortly and softly says, "It's been a long time since you've called me that."
Taken off guard, I reach for understanding. "What?"
"Annie. No one ever called me that. You used to say it to bug me when I was little," she remembers. "It's been a long time."
"You've always been Annie to me."
Her eyes bask in remembered hurt, then narrow. "I remember. Women don't forget the first man who…."
"Right," I concede after she trails off. I try to keep my tone level while asking, "You're here, so where might my little brother be?"
"He's out with his friends. I'll see him in the morning."
I know what "out" means and it's doesn't necessarily mean with his friends. As she and Myles dated in high school, I'd catch him with other girls around town. It never mattered what I'd catch him doing with them, either. He always blew it off, telling me those girls meant nothing and justifying it as if Ryleigh wouldn't care. I wonder if he's up to much of the same tonight.
"So, you graduated?" I question, hoping for light conversation to keep her talking.
"You were invited to the ceremony," she replies. "But you didn't come. I thought you would because it was for Myles, too."
I didn't go. And for obvious reasons. Even after all these years of tolerating the fact she belongs to my brother, I knew watching her graduate and move on with her life would instill further distance, and I didn't want any part of it.
"I'm sorry. I don't have a good reason."
Her disappointment is obvious. "I didn't think you'd come anyway, but wanted you to know you were welcome."
"I heard you're staying with your parents until the wedding," I tell her. "They never change, do they?"