The man had given Andy literally as much time off as it took to see the case through. Today Andy got home hours earlier than he would have if he’d been working at the airport. He took a nap, tried to eat a can of tuna and then found the bottle of Jack.
Weirdest thing was how Andy was feeling. He should be beyond happy. The best attorney in the nation represented him. Landsford was going to win and Andy was going to be vindicated, and together they were going to earn the respect of everyone from Andy’s boss to high-profile politicians. Every media outlet would love Andy Nelson.
But Andy didn’t feel a bit of that thrill.
He felt old and tired and sad.
The bottle stood like a beacon on the kitchen counter. Not a beacon of hope, exactly. More a symbol of darkness. The alcohol didn’t make him feel better. It just made him not feel at all. He moved from the window to the kitchen counter. Another drink. That’s what he needed. He poured the liquid and held it to his lips. A quick tilt of his head and another shot down.
Cami.
That’s what was bothering him. Andy knew it, of course. Deep down he had known it every day since she left. He walked to the back bedroom, her bedroom—at least until the day he blew up at her.
He had been crazy that day. Crazy with anger and betrayal and frustration. He wanted her to know just how upset he was over the Bible study club. Andy sat on the edge of her bed and felt the beginning of tears.
He’d accomplished that, for sure. Cami was so aware of the way Andy felt, she couldn’t get out of the house fast enough. He took a slow breath and stared at the photos on the corkboard that hung over Cami’s bed. Cami and a group of friends at the prom last year. Cami and her sisters at the park.
Cami and Audrey, her unfaithful mother. Andy hated that picture. So what if the woman was Cami’s mother. Audrey didn’t deserve to have her photo on Cami’s wall.
“I wasn’t going to hurt you, Cami girl.” His voice was soft. Like his heart was speaking all on its own. “My fist was always going for the wall. Not for you.”
He lay down, his head on her pillow, and closed his eyes. I’m sorry, Cami. I never meant to scare you. I’m so sorry. The tears came harder, forcing their way out from between his eyelids. What sort of wretched man was he? And how come Cami would believe in a God that destroyed families?
Andy blinked his eyes open and rubbed his fists over his eyelids. Was that what had happened? God had destroyed his family? Andy sniffed and sat up again.
His wife had gotten the wild idea one day that she would start taking the family to church. When Andy refused, she took Cami and Ensley and Ellie. That went on for almost a year before Andy found out about the affair.
Even now the situation sickened Andy. An affair with a man from church? Audrey said the man left the congregation after that. He walked away from church and his family and his reputation. Ran off with Andy’s wife.
Cami and her sisters had no mother because of what God had done. At least that’s the way it seemed.
If God was real, then He wouldn’t have wanted Andy’s wife to have an affair. And He wouldn’t have wanted a Christian man to leave his family and his church for another woman. Of course not. In fact, a God like that would probably be on Andy’s side. Feeling sorry for Andy because of what had happened.
He sat up and reached out, touched another photo on the corkboard. Cami when she was just two years old. Bright smile, lopsided braids. A mouthful of baby teeth. Suddenly something occurred to Andy. After what he’d done to Cami a few weeks ago, she had every right to call the police on him.
She could’ve filed charges against him. Charges of child abuse or domestic violence. That would put a twist in the case everyone wanted to talk about. Suddenly Cami would be the victim and he’d be the tyrant. Refusing to let her read the Bible. Refusing to let her pray. Threatening her with violence for wanting a life different than his.
A chill started at his neck and ran down his back and arms. Why hadn’t Cami said anything to the police? What in the world reason would there be for her to not say something? The club she loved so much was going to be shut down, and here she had information about her father that could throw the entire case into disarray.
Principal Quinn and the school district would win if people knew what Andy had done, how in his anger he’d almost hit Cami. Andy lay back on Cami’s pillow again. He was so sorry. And again he was struck by a realization. There was only one reason Cami would spare him that sort of humiliation and punishment.
Cami didn’t hate him. She truly believed in God. Faith in Him led Cami to take the higher road. The truth grew inside Andy. His daughter wasn’t out to get him. She didn’t want to see him suffer. He covered his face with his hand. Cami only wanted to learn how to live right. Learn a little more about God.
A sick feeling grabbed at Andy’s stomach. What if Cami was right? What if there really was a God? If that were the case it wouldn’t matter what happened with the trial. Andy would lose and he would lose big. Here and in the next world.
For all eternity.
Andy climbed out of bed and walked to the hallway mirror, the one Audrey had hung when the two of them were still married. Andy stared at himself. Before Audrey left, he had been the most clean-cut mechanic at the airport. A guy who cared about shaving and keeping his hair short and neat.
Now his stringy hair hung down to his collar and his beard looked scrappier all the time. On top of that, his arm was still throbbing. The spot on his bicep where he’d gotten a new tattoo this past Saturday.
Andy turned so he could see his arm better. He had asked the tattoo artist to use an angry font. Whatever that meant. Something full of rage. Andy surveyed the guy’s work and couldn’t help but approve. The tattoo was dark, solid, one-inch block letters, and the message was as bold as the text. A message that—if there was a God—would keep Andy Nelson out of heaven for sure. The message held two words, words that defined him now.
NO GOD.
15
Reagan was folding laundry on the couch when she heard Luke at the front door. It was just after ten o’clock. With everything in her she wanted to break down, tell him the late nights he was keeping were wrong.
But every time she prayed about his hours at the office, she felt the same response from God.
Love him. Just keep loving him.
Luke walked in and she turned to him. Their eyes met, and he set his briefcase down. “I’m sorry.”
Love . . . just love. “It’s okay.” Reagan felt the tenderness in her smile. “You’ve got a lot of responsibility.”
“I’ve got a family.” He came to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “It’s not right, what I’ve been doing.” His voice was kind, grateful. “Staying late at the office. It’s like it was last year all over again.”
She didn’t blink, didn’t look away. “People are counting on you.”
“That’s no excuse.” He put his hands on either side of her face and kissed her. Longer than usual. With the passion they hadn’t shared in too long. “I’m sorry, Reagan. I’ll work on it. I promise.”
Tears stung her eyes. God was so faithful. She had listened to Him, and now look. “Thank you.”
“I love you.” He kissed her again, his eyes locked on hers. “More than you’ll ever know.”
“I love you, too.” Reagan had not expected this. A tear spilled onto her cheek and he caught it gently with his thumb. “Thank you.”
“Let me finish the laundry.” He stepped toward the pile of clothes. “You take a break. You deserve it.” He kissed her once more. “And thank you, beautiful. For supporting me . . . even when I get it wrong.”
Reagan wasn’t sure what to say, what to do. A slight laugh slipped from her lips and she went to the kitchen. A cup of tea, maybe. Yes, that was it. Chamomile tea. While she made it she kept her eyes on Luke in the next room.
Folding clothes.