Luke looked around, smiled to show his appreciation for the support, and gestured for Elliot to get off the pitch. Elliot shook his head vehemently to indicate that he was not supporting at all, and beckoned. Luke looked upset and shook his head. Elliot nodded insistently, beckoned again, and walked off.
He heard the chorus of groans and booing as he left the pitch, suspected he was going to be even less popular from now on, and was not terribly surprised when Luke caught up with him outside the pitch, breathing hard and disgustingly sweaty.
Elliot wrinkled his nose and pushed at Luke’s shoulder. “Please stand farther away from me.”
“This had better be important,” said Luke. “Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to let down the whole team, in front of everybody, because you whistled and beckoned? I’m not your dog.”
Elliot suspected the whole camp would blame him and still love Luke, so he didn’t see what Luke’s problem was.
“And yet you came,” he said. “Come on, Serene’s waiting in the library. It actually is important.”
“The library,” said Luke, and sighed. “Wonderful.”
He stopped complaining when they got to the library and Serene showed him the treaty.
Luke did not even suggest that the commander might have missed seeing the deed, and they should point it out to him and trust the matter would be settled. Maybe the commander had missed it, but they couldn’t be sure.
“What would happen if we showed this to Captain Woodsinger?” Elliot ventured.
“She’s loyal to the commander,” Serene said. “We can’t risk it.”
They had to go to someone who had something to lose.
Luckily, Serene had a plan.
“I’ve been thinking since you were gone. We need to get quickly to someone who will believe us. One of my kinswomen is in a troop to the far north of this wood.”
Elliot met her calm gaze, glanced at Luke, saw them glance at each other, and they all reached an accord.
“Then it’s settled,” said Elliot. “We go to the elves.”
They left as soon as they had gathered up a few necessities: rolled-up blankets and dried provisions and one or two books Elliot could not be parted from. It was barely dark when they went, but Elliot hoped it was dark enough that they would not be missed until morning. They left pillows arranged in the shape of bodies under their sheets, which was fairly basic subterfuge, but the captains didn’t check the younger ones’ beds as carefully as they did the older ones’, on account of indecency and lewd behaviour.
“I would have thought the girls of the camp would be more careful not to dishonor the boys,” said Serene when Elliot explained this, deeply shocked. “The boys are already fighters, which cannot be pleasing to prospective wives, and if they are ruined on top of it, who will marry them?”
There was an embarrassed silence in the hush of the woods as they walked along.
“Kind of works differently for humans, again,” said Luke.
“Is human biology so different to elvish, then?” Serene asked with interest.
“Beg pardon?” said Luke.
“Well, elvish women are driven by powerful lusts that men cannot understand,” Serene said in matter-of-fact tones.
“Let’s just leave it at that, shall we!” Luke implored.
“Please go on, Serene, don’t stop, this is very interesting,” said Elliot.
“Once a woman’s passion is roused it can be very difficult for her to stop until the act of love is completed,” said Serene. “Preferably several times over. How can an innocent man understand such desires? As I understand it, men are completely exhausted when they complete the act of love once.”
“Well, not completely!” said Elliot.
“After the first flush of youth,” Serene said sadly, “men are only able to perform the act once a night.”
“Please talk about something else or maybe kill me,” said Luke. “I don’t want to live in this world any more.”
“Thus, necessarily, a man must perform attentions upon a woman when he is no longer aroused, which is why for a man such acts are more about feelings of the heart than of other areas,” said Serene. “Else how can a woman be satisfied with just one man? Of course, the elves in the eastern woods have different arrangements—”
“You know what would be amazing?” Luke said. “If we were kidnapped, bound, and gagged—the gagged bit is really important—and put to death by brigands like right now. Right now. Brigands!”
He looked around. The woods at night offered the hoot of an owl, and the rustle of leaves in a breeze, but no brigands.
“We’re sharing differing cultural points of view and information,” Elliot remarked. “No need to be such a prude.”
“Come now. It’s natural for a young pure gentleman to be abashed by such discussions,” said Serene. “Forgive me for being so frank with you and putting you to the blush, Luke.”
“I am not blushing!”
Elliot peered in the gloom. “He’s definitely blushing,” he reported to the night air.
“I’m just going to go wander into the undergrowth all alone,” Luke said in a flat voice. “If I’m lucky a warg might eat me. I hope so. Don’t come looking for me.”
“Okay,” said Elliot. “Can I have your cloak before you go get eaten by a warg? I’m freezing.”
Serene undid the clasp of her cloak and handed it over. Elliot accepted it with profuse thanks. Luke selfishly kept his cloak and did not wander off to be eaten by a warg, but nothing in this life was perfect.
They went to sleep snuggled into the roots of a vast tree. Elliot woke up first in the early morning because his teeth were chattering, despite the fact that Luke had donated his cloak in the night. Stupid magic lands, stupid nature, his stupid body and its learned dependence on central heating. Serene and Luke were still sleeping soundly, holding hands, Serene’s long dark hair caught up with the tree roots.
There was a little bird perched on the lowest branch of the tree. It had bright button-black eyes and a yellow beak and had tilted its head in an adorable manner. It looked as if it was definitely considering covering Serene and Luke with leaves.
“I’m watching you, little bird,” Elliot said darkly. “Don’t even think about it.” He hugged his knees to his chest and waited for the others to wake up.
When the others did wake, it was still early morning but a little brighter, the sky the colour of peach juice with light shining through it. Elliot could not believe he was drinking juice and eating fruit so much he thought about it in similes: he yearned for the food of his people, wrapped in foil and basically made of chemicals. Oh lost Coca-Cola, he mourned. Oh pizza, gone but not forgotten.