But nothing. That’s what he’d done . . . and he might have lost her because of it. The thought scared the hell out of him. All this time he’d been so busy fretting over her past and whether he could accept her, it had never once occurred to him that she might not accept him. After all, he was a catch, wasn’t he?
God, he was an arrogant prick, Scotty thought with disgust. After all she’d been through, the last thing Beth had needed was him adding to her pain, and yet that’s what he’d done. He needed to fix this. He needed . . . her.
Standing abruptly, he moved to the door and then hesitated. Scotty suspected he would have only one chance at this, if he even had that one chance. He didn’t want to mess up . . . again.
Sighing, he took a breath, lowered his head and then knocked softly.
Sixteen
“Beth?”
Lifting her head, she peered at the door, but didn’t respond. She couldn’t. She was seated with her back against the wall between the toilet and the vanity, her arms wrapped around her knees and her heart breaking. Beth couldn’t believe she’d done it, that she’d actually said what she had and walked away from Scotty, but it was really for the best. She had to take care of herself. That was something life had taught her—that ultimately you had to take care of yourself, because you couldn’t always trust that someone else would do it for you.
“Beth, I know ye’re upset,” Scotty said now, his voice pained. “And ye’ve every right to be. I’ve been an arrogant and thoughtless prick. But please, ye do no’ ha’e to let me in, but please just listen to what I’m going to say?”
Silence followed the plea, and Beth supposed he was waiting for a response, but she didn’t give one. She simply waited, and after a moment he began to speak.
“First, if I was cold and distant with ye over the decades, it was no’ because I did no’ like ye, lass. I might ha’e had trouble accepting yer past, but I never disliked ye,” he said firmly. “I acted like that around ye because I was fighting the desire to drag ye into me arms and bed. Kenning, as I did, that ye were me life mate, it was a mighty struggle no’ to do so, but I kenned ye were no’ ready fer that.”
There was silence for a minute, as if he was waiting for a response. When she didn’t give one, he continued, “But ye’re right. I’ve spent the last century or more being small-minded and judging ye when I had no right to. I did no’ even know ye, lass. I just made judgments based on the little bit I did ken. I knew that ye’d been a prostitute as a mortal, and made me judgments based on that, because I’ve always had a certain belief about what kind o’ woman would trade her body fer coin. But ye’re no’ that woman, lass. I ken that now.”
Scotty paused again, but Beth remained silent. Waiting.
“And it’s no’ just because o’ all ye told me. I’d come to that conclusion meself while we were healing from the fire, and I meant to tell ye soon as we rested, but when I woke ye were gone and . . .”
She heard his sigh through the door.
“Forgive me, lass, fer no’ seeing ye clearly all these years. Ye’ve shown me the kind o’ woman ye are in so many ways over this last century. I just was no’ looking.
“Beth, ye’re smart, and ye’re brave, lass. Ye run into trouble to aid others without concern fer yer own well-being. I kenned that even ere this trip, though I don’t think I admitted it even to meself then. But that first day here, I knew instinctively ye’d run into trouble to save that woman Walter Simpson had, despite knowing help was twenty minutes out. Ye could ha’e been beheaded and killed ere help arrived, and ye kenned it and rushed in anyway.
“And then there was Kira. Ye were so kind with her. Ye could ha’e just passed on the message Mortimer said to give her, and left it at that. But ye saw she was in pain and suicidal and ye made sure to give her a reason to live and convinced her to come here to Toronto.
“And the mortal at the dance club? She had nothing to do with ye. Ye could ha’e just walked back to the dance floor and left her to her own sorrows, but ye followed her to try to help.
“And then there’s me. Lass, ye took on me pain to help me sleep and heal, and that was some terrible pain. Most women would ha’e run from it, but ye bore it to ease me suffering.
“Beth, the kind o’ woman I decided ye were would ne’er ha’e done any o’ those things . . . Me mother ne’er would ha’e done any o’ those things.”
Beth had lowered her head as Scotty spoke, but lifted it sharply and stared at the door at the mention of his mother.
“Magnus told me I had issues with me mother,” he said solemnly. “He said that I was mixing ye up with her. I told him he was wrong, but now I see he was right. I was sure I had just learned well the lessons she’d taught me. But the truth is I was painting ye with the same brush as her because she was a cold heartless whore who traded her body for coin and anything else she wanted, and I thought any woman who was a prostitute must be the same. But ye’re no’ heartless, and . . . I was wrong,” he said helplessly.
“And I swear, when ye finished telling me everything, I . . . this time I did no’ suggest the three-on-one because I can no’ accept yer past. That’s no’ true anymore. The truth is . . . it fair crushed me heart to hear all ye’ve gone through. I felt so helpless, kenning ye were on yer own through all that, and that I could no’ help ye. I wanted to take away the pain I had no’ been there to prevent.
“Lass,” Scotty said solemnly, “Matias said that he wondered if ye would still be me life mate were yer memory wiped. That question has plagued me since he mentioned it. It still does. It bothered me then because, as much as I did no’ feel I could claim ye, I could no’ seem to let ye go either. But Beth, by the time ye finished talking, I thought if the mind wipe would give ye some measure o’ freedom from the torments ye’d suffered, I’d risk it. Because I think I love ye, lass. And I’d rather spend the rest o’ me life unmated and miserable, but kenning ye were happy and—”
Scotty stopped speaking abruptly and blinked in surprise when Beth suddenly opened the door. She hadn’t been able to stop herself after the part about his thinking he loved her. She’d leapt up from the floor and opened the door and now faced him solemnly.
“I don’t need my memories wiped,” Beth said firmly. “My past doesn’t torment me anymore. I like myself.”
“No, I ken that now,” Scotty assured her, looking relieved that she’d relented enough to open the door. “And I like ye too. I was just telling ye that. But I’m grateful ye do no’ want it, lass, because I love ye, Beth, just the way ye are, and it truly would break me heart to lose ye now.”
Beth almost threw herself into his arms right then, but made herself hold back and asked, “Will ye tell me about yer mother?”
Scotty closed his eyes briefly and sighed, but then nodded solemnly. “If ye wish it. Aye.” He hesitated briefly and then said, “Did ye want to sit down while I do, or—”
“No,” Beth interrupted. “I want to rest on the bed.”