In five years, when Gavin was in his early thirties and had no choice but to retire, what would he do? He’d have money . . . but what would he do with it?
My eyes went to him. He was sprawled on the couch lazily, not unlike the position he’d been in the first time I set eyes on him, but this time he was doing nothing to hide the fact that he was checking me out. Doing a slow circuit of me in my grunge-era outfit, and absently rubbing his thumb against his lower lip.
I swallowed hard. Gavin smirked.
He was going to get us in so much trouble. It felt like we were sitting there flirting across the room with our parents nearby. Parents who very much did not want us together.
The next quarter wasn’t as exciting as the first, but in the third I found myself leaping to my feet and screaming as Phil, Gavin’s backup, scored a touchdown with an eighty-yard kick return. After my initial excitement my eyes flew to Gavin, wondering if seeing his replacement burned, but he was ecstatic. And when our eyes met, his face lit up further.
Without warning, he pulled me into a monstrous bear hug that took my feet off the floor. I laughed, unable to help it.
“I can’t believe you like football after all that shit you talked,” he said after putting me down. “Simeon and Marcus called it.”
“They did. But I don’t know if I’d care if anyone else was playing.”
Gavin thumped his chest. “Don’t matter as long as you root for me, baby. Next thing you know you’ll be tailgating.”
“I don’t even know what that means.”
“I know, but listening to you come up with dumbass possibilities would be funny.”
We laughed together, which is when I realized that both Mel and Joe were staring at us. Mel appeared very close to thinking Gavin had been abducted by aliens and pod-Gavin was standing here in his place.
Discomfort moved me from my place by the couch to the edge of the room. “I’m going to see if there are any available snacks.”
My feet took me out of the room before I could take any questions or comments, and I found myself going to the bathroom instead of the kitchen. Because the house was a museum, it took me far enough away for the volume of the television to fade. I washed my face for no reason, washed my hands twice, and then stared at myself in the mirror.
I looked shitty. My restless sleep had given my skin a pale cast and dark circles, my hair was messy, and my clothes were disheveled. I wondered if I looked any better on a typical day. There were spans of time when I spent so much time in the house that I didn’t bother glancing in the mirror before carrying on with my day. Sometimes I wondered how much of this other people noticed, that I’d stopped realizing over the past few weeks. How obvious was it that I’d become a hermit? That we could barely keep our hands off each other? That we were . . .
“Noah.”
Joe’s voice was quiet, but it still penetrated the door like a bullet. I opened the door to find Joe’s ice grill a few inches from my own.
“We need to talk.”
He gave me a hard look and turned around, heading to Gavin’s office. I followed close at his heels, unsurprised but still uneasy about where this little conversation was going. It wasn’t going to be good, but I girded my loins and shut the office door behind me.
“Was this your plan all along?”
I crossed my arms over my chest, mirroring the stance Gavin had used earlier when facing off with his manager. There was such a combination of disdain and impatience on Joe’s face, like he couldn’t wait to get a conversation with a lesser being over with and he couldn’t believe he was wasting his time, that it took me back to SafeZone. The meeting with my managers, when they’d decided to fire me instead of taking a look at their director.
“I didn’t know Gavin was bisexual,” I said slowly. “How could I have planned this?”
“You could have planned to seduce him.”
I made a scornful face. Joe wasn’t fazed.
“You’re telling me it’s a coincidence that you have a tendency to sleep with your bosses?”
“Is it a coincidence that I end up becoming close to men I respect? No. Probably not. But it had nothing to do with me getting ahead at SafeZone, and it obviously has nothing to do with a temporary position—”
“Oh, don’t give me that,” Joe scoffed. “Don’t bullshit a bullshitter. I see the way Gavin looks at you. You’ve got my boy by the balls, and there is no way you’re leaving after this job ends. Which is exactly what you wanted.”
My fingers dug harder into my arms. “We haven’t talked about anything past the end of my contract.”
“I’m sure. But I’m also sure you’ve thought about it.” Joe pointed at me just as he’d done to Gavin earlier. “Let me paint a picture for you. The picture I’ve been seeing clearly since the first time I realized the two of you probably had something going on.”
“What—”
“I won’t sell you short and deny you’ve kept him sane these past few months, but because of that he thinks you’re his savior. Maybe he thinks he’s in love.”
My chest tightened. “He’s never said anything like that.”
“Shut your mouth.” Joe’s eyes narrowed to slits. “He didn’t say it, but he probably feels that way, and I know you’ve caught on. Because you’re not stupid. You think after your job ends, you’ll hang on to him. Maybe not move out right away since you’ve been having so much fun fucking by the pool where a million paparazzi can take sleazy pictures. And since you still haven’t bothered to find another job, and you probably don’t want to go back to Queens, maybe your stay will be extended.”
I tried to come up with a million denials, but they all sounded hollow, even in my own head. I’d been so wrapped up in Gavin that I hadn’t begun to look for another job. I’d not even thought about it in weeks. The bubble we’d been living in was going to burst very soon, and I wasn’t even prepared for it.
“But once that bracelet is off, Gavin is free again. To travel, party, play. He won’t be alone with his savior anymore, and all of this”—Joe gestured around as if pointing to the bubble I’d just been envisioning—“will be gone. And you’ll be angry. And then you’ll do like little Max Grayson and sell incriminating photos to the media.”
My heart all but stopped. I tried to form words, but the terror that crept over me struck me silent. Joe shook his head at me, still sneering and yet reassuring me at the same time.
“I’ve already fixed it. But I can’t fix everything. So you need to go.”
“Joe,” I said, voice scraping out lower than usual. “I would never hurt Gavin. And I know you think you have me all figured out, and you’ve probably seen this type of thing a million times before, but . . . it’s not what you think. I care about him.”