‘Jack doesn’t know a thing about it. I hated that woman for making me lie to Jack even more than I hated her for what she did with my husband. Jack had already lost his dad … had found him dead, for god’s sake. He wanted to believe his dad was a hero. I wanted to keep his memory perfect; I saw no reason to take that away from him. I stand by that, Cas. I don’t think it would have helped anyone for him to know then and it certainly won’t help him to know now.’
A couple of tears finally breach down Charlotte’s face. Cassie puts her hand on her shoulder and, feeling no resistance there, pulls her mother-in-law towards her. She’s glad Charlotte lets her wrap her arms around her. She hopes she can feel the love, the admiration Cassie feels for her. Cassie holds her. Charlotte releases her arms first and searches up her sleeve for a tissue, which she dabs underneath her eyes.
Cassie wants to know why Charlotte’s telling her all this, why now in a grass car park on a Friday morning. She wants to know, but she doesn’t want to ask. So instead she takes hold of Charlotte’s hand, the tissue bunching between their palms and she says what she had planned to say to Jack.
‘Charlotte, you know, because Jack’s been working so hard, Jonny’s been helping me with the jam. We’ve become friends, that’s a … I …’ but she can’t finish what she was going to say, because suddenly the car park has started spinning and she reaches out for her mother-in-law to steady her. She hears Charlotte says, ‘Cassie, Cas? What’s happening?’, before the wave of nausea subsides and she’s left with a crippling exhaustion so complete that it makes her knees buckle and she thinks she could collapse and fall asleep right here in the middle of the car park if Charlotte wasn’t holding her up.
She wishes she could tell her mother-in-law to get Jonny, but she knows that would just make everything worse. So instead Charlotte helps Cassie into the passenger seat of Jonny’s van.
Charlotte’s about to sit behind the wheel next to her when Cassie says, ‘Charlotte, sorry to ask, but would you mind going to help Jonny? I’ll be fine in a few minutes, but I just don’t want him to be left on his own.’ A strong wave of nausea undulates from her stomach again; she feels her forehead prick with sweat.
‘Really, Cas, I don’t think you should …’
‘Please, Charlotte, look it’s just my low blood pressure; I know it is. I’ll rest for a while, have some water and I’ll feel better. Come and check on me in fifteen minutes and I’ll be fine again, I promise.’
Charlotte looks stricken for a moment, unsure what to do, so Cassie repeats, ‘Please, Charlotte’, before she at last leaves Cassie on her own.
Cassie sits motionless in the passenger seat for a few seconds as she lets the facts form a patient queue in her brain. She’s sick, and her period’s late. She feels one of her breasts; it’s swollen and feels bruised as she squeezes it gently. Shit. She thinks about texting Jonny, telling him to come and find her, but that’d only make Charlotte more suspicious and she can’t deal with any more of that now. No, no she should do a test first. She needs to know for sure before telling anyone. She looks down at her gold wedding ring, turns it round on her finger and she fills her lungs with a big, shuddery breath. She’d imagined this moment before, used to fantasise about finding out she was pregnant, but she’s shocked she can’t feel any joy. Instead she feels another wave of nausea and she covers her face with her palms, as if trying to hide from the world, and sobs into her hands.
10
Alice
The female police officer, Officer Brooks, is standing at reception waiting for me. She’d already met with Elizabeth Longe for an update on Cassie’s medical condition. It was Jack’s suggestion I meet with Brooks afterwards. He said he wanted everyone to be clear on what happened. He wants to turn down the volume on the assertions and gossip that hums around the hospital ward like theme music to a movie, but I suspect there’s something else. A muscle in Jack’s jaw flexed and bounced when he told me Jonny has been granted bail.
Brooks has dyed her short hair a rusty ochre since we last met. I never know how to address police officers: ‘Officer’, or maybe just ‘Brooks’. ‘Jane’ feels too informal for someone in police uniform.
‘Hello,’ I say, adding, ‘How are you?’, avoiding a name altogether.
Her thin lips smile briefly, and, for a moment, I see more ‘Jane’ than ‘Officer Brooks’.
‘I thought we could go in here,’ I add, showing her into the nurses’ room.
I was hoping we’d have a cup of tea, that we might talk freely to each other, if not quite woman to woman then at least as two female professionals working on the front line. I want to find out what she thinks about the case, but Officer Brooks sits rigid and impassive opposite me, her uniform like an armour between us. I get the impression she wants me to get straight to it, so I clear my throat.
‘We were told the neighbour, Jonny Parker, has been charged.’
‘That’s correct.’
I’m worried I’m going to have to wring words out of her like a wet towel, drop by drop, so I’m relieved when she clasps her hands in her lap and leans forward in her chair towards me.
‘Neighbours who attended the same New Year’s party have provided witness statements,’ she says in a low, but clear, voice. ‘They saw Mrs Jensen and Mr Parker arguing outside the party. Mr Parker says Mrs Jensen walked home in the dark soon after they were seen. He stayed at the party for a couple more hours before driving home, five times over the legal limit.’
‘So he lives close to Cassie and Jack?’
Brooks blinks and nods at me, surprised perhaps I’m using their first names, like we’re friends. She knows what I’m really asking.
‘He drove down the same lane where Mrs Jensen was hit, yes. The theory is he returned home, still catatonic, but he let his dogs out so they could legitimately “find” her.’
‘And what’s he saying?’
‘I’m afraid I can’t disclose anything more.’
‘I thought Jack wanted …’
‘Mr Jensen wanted us to have this conversation because Mr Parker is out on bail now and while his movements are of course restricted and he’s not allowed to make contact with the Jensens, we can’t place a limit on him coming to the hospital in case he’s involved in a medical emergency. Mr Jensen knows Mr Parker tried to force his way onto the ward soon after the accident and he’s understandably concerned he could make another attempt to see Mrs Jensen, which would be very distressing for him and his mother. I’ve spoken to security here; they know to be extra vigilant but we thought it was a good idea to make staff on the ward aware as well.’
‘Do you think he’ll try and come back?’
Brooks’ eyes fix on mine for a moment. She seems to soften slightly, and I get the impression she’s speaking more from personal rather than professional experience when she says, ‘Well, he said he wouldn’t, of course, but I’ve seen his type before. They seem sane enough until they find themselves at home, alone and emotional, and the next thing they know, they’re opening bottles and god knows what they’ll do then, so just make sure your team is aware and monitoring all visitors, OK?’