“I was into Jung for a bit there, too. To really know ourselves we have to question ourselves. I always liked that idea. Anyway, sorry. Go on.”
“Right. As we were waiting, he reached into his pocket and fished out two strange-looking candies. ‘You keep that one,’ he said, pointing to one of them. ‘Save it for another rainy day.’ He took the other candy and twisted open the shiny paper. He snapped it between his fingers, breaking it in two. He handed me the larger piece.”
“Did you eat it?” asks Jake. “Wasn’t it weird that this guy was offering you candy? And didn’t it gross you out that he touched it?”
“I’m getting to all that. But yes, it was weird. And yes, I was grossed out. But I ate it.”
“Continue.”
“It didn’t taste like anything. I moved the candy back and forth over my tongue, trying to decide if it was sweet at all. I couldn’t tell if it was good or bad. He told me he got the candies from one of his students. He told me she’d been traveling somewhere in Asia, and that they were one of the most popular candies there. He said his student loved them but he didn’t think they were anything special. He was chewing his candy, crunching it.
“Suddenly, I started to taste it. An unexpected tang, a tartness. It wasn’t bad. I started to like it. He told me, ‘You still don’t know the most interesting part.’ He said, ‘All the wrappers on these candies print a few lines in English on the label. They’ve been directly translated, so they don’t make much sense.’ He took the wrapper back out of his pocket and unfolded it for me.
“I read aloud the words that were printed on the inside. I remember them word for word: ‘You are the new man. How delicious cannot forget, special taste. Return the turn flavor.’
“I reread those lines a few times, to myself, then once more aloud. He told me he unwrapped candies every now and then, not to eat, but just because he liked reading the verses, to think about them, trying to understand them. He said he wasn’t a poetry man but these lines were as good as any poem he’d ever read. He said, ‘There are certain things in life, not very many, that are real, confirmed cures for rainy days, for loneliness. Puzzles are like that. We each have to solve our own.’ I’ll never forget him saying that.”
“It’s memorable. I wouldn’t forget it, either.”
“By this point, we’d been in the parking lot for more than twenty minutes, and we still hadn’t done any real driving. He told me that the student who’d given him the candies was unique, that she was hopeless behind the wheel, a terrible driver. He said it didn’t matter what tips he gave or that he repeated all the pointers over and over, she just couldn’t get it. He said he knew from the first lesson that she was never going to pass her driver’s test, that she was the worst driver in the world. Giving her lessons was pointless and borderline dangerous.
“He went on to say that regardless, he really looked forward to those lessons, and that he would have long, long chats with this girl, full-on discussions. He’d tell her about some of the things he’d been reading, and she’d tell him the same. It was a back-and-forth. He said she would sometimes say things that blew him away.”
“Like what?” asks Jake. I can tell that although he’s concentrating on driving, he is listening and alert. He’s into the story, more than I thought he’d be.
My phone rings. I grab it from my purse, which is on the floor near my feet.
“Who’s that?” asks Jake.
I see my own number displayed.
“Oh, it’s just a friend. I don’t need to answer.”
“Good. Keep going with the story.”
Why is he calling again? What does he want? “Right,” I say, putting my phone back in my bag and turning back to the story.
“Okay, so. One day, out of the blue, this student told her driving instructor she was ‘the best kisser in the world.’ She just told him, like she thought he should know. She was so sure of it, and he said she was very convincing.”
Jake readjusts his hands on the wheel, sits up even straighter. I hear my phone beep, indicating a message has been left.
“He told me he knew it seemed weird to talk about this. He may even have apologized, admitting he’d never told anyone else this detail. She swore this talent made her more powerful than money or intelligence or anything else. The fact that she was the best kisser in the world made her the center of the universe, in her words.
“He was looking for me to reply, or to say something. I didn’t know what to say. So I told him what came to mind, that kissing involves two people. You can’t be a singular person and be the best kisser. It’s an action that requires two. ‘So really,’ I said, ‘you would only be the best if the other person was also the best, which is impossible.’ I told him, ‘It’s not like playing the guitar or something, where you’re alone and you know you’re good at it. It’s not a solitary act. There needs to be two best.’
“My answer seemed to bother him. He was visibly upset. He didn’t like the idea that alone, you couldn’t be the best kisser, that one was reliant on another kisser. And then he said, ‘This is too much to overcome.’ He said that would mean we’d always need someone else. But what if there wasn’t someone else? What if we are all just alone?
“I didn’t know what to say. Then he kind of snapped, as if we’d been in an argument. He said, ‘It’s stupid to try to wait the rain out.’ He told me to take a right out of the parking lot. It was so strange. He indicated where I should go with various tilts of his head. He was quiet after that.”
“Interesting,” says Jake.
“I’m almost done.”
“Go on.”
“For the remainder of the lesson, Doug was twitchy in his seat and seemed disinterested in anything driving related. He offered some basic advice on driving technique, but mostly he looked out the windshield. This was my first and last driving lesson.
“Since it was still raining, he told me he’d drop me off at my place so I didn’t have to wait for the bus. Very little was said. When we reached my house, I pulled up in front and told him I’d keep practicing with my dad. He said that was a good idea. I left him there and ran into the house.
“About a minute later—it wasn’t long—I came back outside. He was still there in the car. He’d moved himself into the driver’s seat and had the wheel in both hands. The seat was still positioned for me, as was the mirror. He was squished in tight. I signaled for him to lower the window. He slid the seat back first before rolling the window down. It was still normal then not to have power windows.
“Before it had fully reached the bottom, I slid my head into the car and gently placed a hand on his left shoulder. My hair was soaked. I had to make a point. I told him to shut his eyes for a second. My face was close to his. He did. He shut his eyes and sort of leaned toward me. And then . . .”
“What? I can’t believe you did this,” says Jake. “What the hell came over you?”
It’s the most animated I’ve ever seen Jake. He’s shocked, almost angry.
“I’m not sure. It just felt like I had to.”
“This seems so unlike you. Did you ever see him after that?”
“No, I didn’t. That was it.”
“Huh,” says Jake. “Is a second person required for there to be a best kisser? It’s interesting. That’s the kind of thing that can stay with you, that you can think about and obsess over.”
Jake passes the slow-moving pickup in front of us. It’s black, old. We’ve been following that truck for a while, pretty much for the entire story. I try to see the driver as we go by but can’t make him out. There haven’t been many cars with us on the road.
“What did you mean when you said all memory is fiction?” I ask.
“A memory is its own thing each time it’s recalled. It’s not absolute. Stories based on actual events often share more with fiction than fact. Both fictions and memories are recalled and retold. They’re both forms of stories. Stories are the way we learn. Stories are how we understand each other. But reality happens only once.”
This is when I’m most attracted to Jake. Right now. When he says things like “Reality happens only once.”
“It’s just weird, when you start thinking about it. We go see a movie and understand it’s not real. We know it’s people acting, reciting lines. It still affects us.”
“So you’re saying that it doesn’t matter if the story I just told you is made up or if it actually happened?”
“Every story is made up. Even the real ones.”
Another classic Jake line.
“I’ll have to think about that.”
“You know that song ‘Unforgettable’?”
“Yeah,” I say.
“How much is truly unforgettable?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure. I like the song, though.”
“Nothing. Nothing is unforgettable.”
“What?”
“That’s the thing. Part of everything will always be forgettable. No matter how good or remarkable it is. It literally has to be. To be.”
“That is the question?”
“Don’t,” says Jake.
I’m not sure what to say right then. I’m not sure how to respond.
For a while he doesn’t say anything else. He just plays with his hair, curling a piece at the back of his head around his index finger the way he does, the way I like. And then, after a while, he looks at me.
“What would you say if I told you I’m the smartest human on earth?”
“Pardon?”
“I’m serious. And this is relevant to your story. Just answer.”
I’d guess we’ve been driving for at least fifty minutes, probably longer. It’s getting darker outside. There are no lights on in the car, beyond the dash and radio.
“What would I say?”
“Yeah. Would you laugh? Would you call me a liar? Would you get mad? Or would you just question the rationality of such a bold statement?”
“I guess I would say ‘Pardon?’?”
Jake laughs at this. Not a big laugh, but a small, sincere, ingested, Jake kind of laugh.
“Seriously. I’m saying it. You’ve heard me clearly. How do you respond?”
“Well, what you’re saying is that you’re the smartest man on earth?”
“Incorrect. The smartest human. And I’m not saying I am; I’m wondering how you would respond if I did say that. Take your time.”
“Jake, come on.”
“I’m being serious.”
“I guess I’d say you’re full of shit.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. The smartest human on earth? It’s ridiculous for so many reasons.”
“What are the reasons?”
I lift my head, which had been resting on my hands, and look around, as if there’s an audience present. Blurs of trees pass the window.
“Okay, let me ask you a question. Do you think you’re the smartest human alive?”
“That’s not an answer. That’s a question.”
“And I’m allowed to answer in the form of a question.”