‘Oh. Why didn’t you say anything?’
‘Sorry, there was something wrong with the line, I think. How are you?’ An email pinged into her inbox and she moved her mouse to open it. It was from the DI. Is that the kettle I can hear boiling? Through the open door to the briefing room Kelly could see Nick on his BlackBerry. He looked up and grinned, making a drinking action with his free hand.
‘Fine. You?’
‘Fine.’ She nodded to the DI and held up her forefinger, intended to indicate she’d only be a minute, but the DI had already looked away.
The stilted conversation continued until Kelly could bear it no longer.
‘Actually, I rang to say I hope you have a good time tomorrow.’ There was a pause. ‘Tomorrow?’
‘Isn’t it your reunion? At Durham?’ Did she sound enthusiastic? Kelly hoped so. However much she hated the idea of Lexi back on that campus; however much she would baulk at doing it herself, she had to accept what Lexi had been telling her for years. It wasn’t her life.
‘Yes.’ Suspicion lingered in Lexi’s voice. Kelly could hardly blame her.
‘Well, I hope you have fun. I bet some people won’t have changed at all. Who was that girl you lived with in your second year – the one who only ever ate sausages?’ She was speaking too fast, the words falling over themselves in her effort to be as light-hearted and as supportive as she knew she should have been when Lexi first mentioned returning to Durham.
‘Gemma, I think.’
‘That was it. Weird as they come!’
‘Sis, what’s going on? Why did you really call?’
‘To say sorry. For interfering in your life; for judging the choices you made.’ She took a deep breath. ‘But mainly, for not staying on the phone that night.’
Lexi made a small sound; a stifled cry from the back of her throat. ‘Don’t, Kelly, please. I don’t want to—’
She sounded so distraught Kelly almost stopped, hating the fact she was hurting Lexi. But she had already waited too long to say it. ‘Just hear me out, and then I promise you I won’t ever mention it again.’ She took Lexi’s silence as acceptance. ‘I’m sorry I hung up on you. You were frightened and I wasn’t there for you, and there isn’t a day goes by that I don’t feel guilty about it.’
The line was so quiet Kelly thought Lexi had put down the phone, but finally she spoke.
‘It wasn’t your fault, Kelly.’
‘But if I’d only—’
‘It wasn’t your fault for hanging up, and it wasn’t my fault for walking by the woods on my own. I don’t blame you, and I don’t blame the police.’
‘They should have taken your earlier reports more seriously.’
‘Kelly, the only reason I was raped that night is because one man decided that’s what he was going to do. I don’t know if he’d ever done it before, or if he’s done it since, and rightly or wrongly I don’t care. It was one night – one hour – of my life, and I’ve had thousands more that have been filled with light and happiness and joy.’ On cue, Kelly heard her nephews laughing in the background; infectious, uncontrollable giggles that made her heart lift. ‘It was no one else’s fault, Kelly.’
‘Okay.’ Kelly couldn’t say more, for fear of bursting into tears. She wished now she’d called Lexi from her mobile, instead of being tethered to her desk where everyone could see her. She closed her eyes and put her hand to her forehead. In the background, Fergus and Alfie continued to play, the giggles now interspersed with indignant shouts over the ownership of some toy or other. In her head, Kelly could see Lexi standing in the kitchen, the boys still full of energy despite a full day at school and nursery, scattering Lego bricks around her feet. Nothing about Lexi’s life was defined by her past; she lived in the moment. It was time for Kelly to do the same. She pulled herself together, and they both spoke at the same time.
‘What do you think I should wear?’
‘What are you going to wear to the reunion?’
Kelly smiled, remembering the times they would finish each other’s sentences at school. Lexi used to claim they had special twin powers, but really it was simply that they spent so much time together. The very best of friends.
‘I have to go, actually,’ Kelly said, catching sight of Nick repeating his earlier coffee-drinking mime. ‘I’ve got to go into a meeting. Let me know how it goes. And whether Gemma eats something other than sausages nowadays.’
Lexi laughed. ‘Thank you for calling. I do love you, you know.’
‘I love you, too.’