I, Eliza Hamilton

“Are you certain the British are interested in Charleston?” I asked, preferring to discuss a city I’d never visited. “Even if so, they wouldn’t begin to shift their forces until summer, would they?”

“Oh, my sweet Eliza,” he said with a curious mix of fondness and despair. “In January, General Clinton sent an expeditionary force of both British and Hessian soldiers to the town of Savannah in Georgia, which is already in British hands. Some say it’s eight thousand men, some say twelve. Either way, it’s far more than we have. By all our best intelligence, Clinton has every intention of attempting Charleston by land, where the city is weakly defended. If he does, he’ll likely succeed. He could be there by now.”

Abruptly I sat upright, twisting about to face him.

“Is it so bad as that?” I asked.

“I’ve heard from Laurens as well,” he said grimly. “Those skirmishes he’s led, the attacks that he and others in the local militia have made against the British—it’s all that our forces can do to keep them from Charleston.”

“And how is Colonel Laurens?” I knew how close Alexander was to John Laurens, and though I’d yet to meet him, I prayed for his safety, too, for the sake of their friendship.

“Laurens is as strong as a bull and has more good luck than ten mortal men together,” he said. “He’s nigh invincible because of it. God, I wish I were there with him!”

“I’m glad you’re not,” I said fervently. I’d heard too much of Colonel Laurens’s reckless form of heroism, and I was horrified by the prospect of Alexander lying dead on some distant southern battlefield while his bull-like friend charged onward.

“You needn’t fear,” he said, the familiar bitterness and disappointment welling up in his voice. “The general shares your opinion, and will not let me go with the others.”

“The others?” I repeated. “You just told me that His Excellency had no troops to spare.”

He sighed again; this conversation was too full of sighs, and worse, too full of the reasons for them.

“This is for your ears alone, Eliza,” he said, lowering his voice even further. “At the Council of War this week, His Excellency and the other generals agreed that they would send the Maryland Line to join and support the Southern Army. They shall depart as soon as it can be arranged.”

“How many men is that?” I asked.

“Two thousand,” he said, the number a blunt fact.

I swiftly made the calculations. “If those two thousand soldiers are subtracted along with the twenty-five hundred expected to depart when their terms are done, then there will be scarcely more than five thousand remaining here.”

“Other brigades should be returning soon from outpost duty, but yes, the Northern Army will be sorely depleted.” He raised his hands and spread his fingers in an uncharacteristic gesture of resignation. “I pray we won’t be tested. Those fools in Congress believe that the General exaggerates our needs, and that we can continue indefinitely without more men, guns, and other resources. With their lack of support, all the general can do is pray that Clinton will not decide to launch an attack on us from New York.”

I shook my head in silent empathy. I had heard the same from Papa, who was every bit as frustrated with Congress’s denials as was Alexander.

“The general might as well march us all to Charleston,” he said with increasing bitterness. “At least then we would meet our fate with a semblance of honor instead of wasting away to shabby nothingness here.”

“Is that a possibility?” I asked anxiously. I knew all too well what he meant by the word fate; to him it was a more-noble euphemism for death.

“I don’t know, Betsey,” he said wearily. “I’m only a soldier. I await my orders, and I follow them.”

I curled against his chest, desperate for some sense of security in the face of so many unfortunate tidings, and the way Alexander wrapped his arms around me meant he needed that same comfort, too. It was quiet in the little yard, too quiet, really. So many of the birds and wild creatures had perished during the harsh winter that the absence of their songs and cries was eerie.

I do not know how long we sat there together. The sky was overcast, with clouds that masked the sun and stars and made for a muffling darkness that reflected our somber mood.

Alexander was first to break the silence. “Your mother has great plans for our wedding, doesn’t she?”

I smiled sadly, though I didn’t lift my head from his chest. So that was how it would be tonight: we’d pretend that we were an ordinary betrothed couple, with no concerns beyond our wedding clothes.

“Mamma does,” I said, mustering a semblance of good cheer. “She speaks to me—and you—of little else, as you’ve doubtless observed. She missed the fuss of a proper wedding with Angelica, and now she’s bound to redouble her efforts on our behalf to make up for it.”

He chuckled. “I suspect your father’s not the only general beneath your roof.”

“We’ve often thought that,” I said, only half in jest. “Mamma is the bravest woman you will likely ever meet. She has accompanied my father into the very face of the enemy, and has stood beside him against dangers that would make most men flee in terror. A wedding will be as nothing to her. There are few things in this world more efficient or determined than a Dutch woman. You stand forewarned.”

“I shall have none but the greatest regard for your mother,” he said. “I’m delighted.”

“You say that now,” I warned. “You may feel otherwise once you see the stacks of marked linens and barrels of porcelain and crystal that she vows are absolutely necessary for us to begin to keep respectable housekeeping.”

“Somehow we shall make do,” he said, lightly stroking my hair. “Imagine a battle royal of supreme tidiness between your Dutch grandmother and my Scottish one, aprons flapping and brooms flying.”

I laughed, and he did, too, and the silence that fell afterward was warm and companionable, and reminded me again of all the reasons that I loved him.

“My dearest girl,” he said softly, quietly. “You do know I won’t be granted leave to go to Albany with you in June.”

I took a deep breath. I did know. I’d known for weeks, from everything I’d heard and witnessed in the encampment and from what he’d already told me that the general would not be able to spare him from his duties, but to hear Alexander speak it aloud was the final blow to pretending I didn’t.

“I do,” I said, unable to keep the sorrow from my voice. “I wish it were otherwise, but I—I understand.”

“Late autumn,” he said, “or December at the latest. A wedding in the Christmas season would be a merry thing, wouldn’t it?”

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