Torrei noticed the change in me. When I was on the phone, trying to get more time with the kids, I no longer got mad when she refused to let me take them for a weekend trip. Other times, she’d say something that felt cruel to me, and I wouldn’t react. I’d just rationally let her know that I disagreed with that statement. I was as surprised by this new me as she was.
A relationship is a system created by two people, so when there’s a shift in one person, there’s inevitably a shift in the other. Instead of battling on the phone, Torrei and I began doing something we’d rarely done for a decade: speaking with, instead of against, each other. It became clear that I had been fighting to deprive Heaven and Hendrix of a mother and she had been fighting to deprive them of a father. The only people we were hurting in this battle were the two people who mattered most: our children.
We may not have learned to like each other, but we at least learned to tolerate, respect, and accept each other. From that starting point, and through many more conversations, we were able to get to a place where we could co-parent in a way that was healthy for our children without ever going to court to battle for custody.
And what was that way? It was simply and finally putting the kids’ needs above our own. If I wanted them to come hang out with me on set for a month over the summer, we were able to discuss that in a way that was about what was best for them, and not about what was wrong with me or unfair to her.
The day we made this shift was the day we grew up and became good parents. It took years of separation and divorce to bring us closer together, but today I put Torrei on a pedestal because she’s their mother and I will never knock her off that. Even if she makes a decision that I disagree with, I will never contradict her in front of the kids. At most, I may tell them, “Whether it’s right or wrong, in this particular case, that’s how your mom feels.” This way, they see me respecting their mother in the same way I expect them to respect her.
After all we’ve been through, it’s amazing to write those words. I’ve supported Torrei beyond what the courts ordered. I’ve bought her a house, a truck, and as much as possible so that the kids feel as comfortable and have as many opportunities in her world as in mine. In the meantime, Torrei has come to develop a cordial relationship with Eniko and has accepted her as a loving part of the kids’ lives.
Running parallel to my entire comedy career, there’s been a relationship career that took just as long and just as much work to succeed in. My kids have never seen Eniko and me fight or argue in any way. I’m not proud that it took me so long to create a healthy environment for my kids, but I am proud to have matured and showed them what adult relationships should look like.
Once, when I’d said something that unintentionally hurt Eniko’s feelings, Heaven dropped into my lap and said, “Daddy, are you and Miss Eniko upset with each other? You’ve both been quiet.”
“I was a little upset. I’m about to go and apologize.”
“Yes, please do that, Daddy.”
“Okay, I’ll go apologize now.”
It touched my heart to see how important it was to her that we got along. At the same time, it broke my heart to know why that was so important to her. I’m determined to dedicate the rest of my life to repairing whatever damage the past may have done to them, to Torrei, and to her mom’s credit.
95
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IN WHICH I LEARN THAT THERE’S A GIANT GAP BETWEEN WHAT YOU IMAGINE YOURSELF DOING AND WHAT YOU’RE CAPABLE OF DOING, AND IT HURTS PRETTY BAD WHEN YOU FALL INTO THAT GAP
In the two and a half years after Think Like a Man, Will Packer and I went on to make four more films together. I had a functional home family, I had a dysfunctional road family, and now I had a supportive set family. Despite all the meetings I was taking, I kept working with Will because the relationship was thriving and the films kept getting bigger.
The project that most excited me was Ride Along with Ice Cube, who, like me, had worked hard and on his own terms to break into the film business as an outsider. It was an action comedy, which I thought meant that I’d get to shoot people and jump off buildings and blow shit up. So I was disappointed to learn that they’d hired a stunt double to do all the fun stuff instead of me.
“Why do you need someone else? We’re just jumping off a hill onto that rail, right? I can do that.”
Crew members glanced at each other and rolled their eyes as I tried to talk my way into doing my first stunt by myself. I recognized that look, because it’s the same one my friends give each other when I’m gambling and say, “I’m on a streak! Let me play just one more hand.”
Finally, Tim Story sighed and gave in. “Please, just don’t hurt yourself.”
I began doing my own stunts whenever I could, until we shot a scene where I was supposed to jump, land on my back, roll, and pop back up in a classic action hero move.
But as soon as I hit the ground, my spine connected with the floor so hard that the camera operators winced. I jumped up like I hadn’t hurt myself. I was too proud to admit that, clearly, there was a craft to this work that stuntmen knew and I didn’t.
“Nice. Let’s get one more take of that,” Tim directed.
“You know what? Let’s have the stuntman do this one, just so we can get a different version of it.”
“Sure, Kevin.”
From that moment on, every time there was an action scene, I was the first one saying, “All right, where’s the stuntman? There he is. I see him right there, eating hot dogs. Somebody tell him to put the hot dog down. Bring him over. It’s fine, I don’t need to do this one.”
When it came time to plan the marketing for Ride Along I sat down with Universal, who were distributing the film. Chris Rock’s advice rang in my head, and I asked them to let us travel internationally to promote the movie.
“I’m not saying throw a bunch of money at it,” I reasoned, “but let me go overseas and try to sell this product. If I can get an introduction in these countries, I’ll be able to build up a fan base and tour in more places, which will also help our future movies together.”
Universal let Cube and me travel to Europe and Australia to do media and promotion, and everyone won. With a budget of only twenty-five million, Ride Along held down the number one spot at the box office for three weeks and went on to make one hundred and fifteen million dollars domestically and twenty million internationally. The next two films that Will and I did together (The Wedding Ringer and Think Like a Man Too) went respectively to number two and one at the box office on their opening weekends—and soon, instead of being the newcomer, I was the guy that everyone couldn’t get rid of.
I was an overnight success that was only sixteen years in the making.
96
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CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP OKAY I’M STOPPING NOW