His phone rang, cutting into our conversation. He checked his caller ID and hit me with another look of regret. “I have to take this.”
I nodded and watched his back as he walked away from me. He carried so much on his shoulders. I was sure of it. But he didn’t seem to want to share any of it. And as for his marriage, I felt like an idiot for allowing his wife to get me all worked up to the point where I refused to listen to him. I didn’t usually act crazy like that, but damn it, my jealousy got the better of me.
Hyde finished his call and came back to me. He opened his mouth to speak, but a doctor interrupted. She wanted to go over Charlie’s X-rays with him.
I met his gaze. “I’ve gotta get to work, so I’ll leave you to it.”
His eyes searched mine and he nodded. “I’ll call you when I’m done here.”
“No, I don’t want you to worry about me. Just focus on Charlie. I’ll talk to you tonight.” I stood on my toes and brushed a kiss across his lips and then left him before he could argue.
I really did want him to give all his attention to Charlie. But I also needed some space to get myself under control and my thoughts in check. Tenille had fucked with my head way too much, and I had to find a way to clear that shit out.
Chapter 31
Monroe
I didn’t hear from Hyde all day. It was almost 10:00 p.m. with still no word. I’d texted him around five to see if he had time to chat, but he hadn’t replied. I had then spent the last few hours worried about him. Tatum said something the other day about Nitro wanting her to lay low due to club stuff going on, so I was concerned for his safety. Kinda crazy, knowing that Hyde was more than capable of looking after himself, but you never knew what could happen when someone pulled a gun or some other weapon.
I was about to go to bed when he finally showed up. Yanking the door open, I found him on my doorstep looking anything but okay. Dishevelled accurately described him, from his hair to his clothes to his body language. And he watched me with haunted eyes, causing my worry for him to shoot even higher.
I reached for him. “What’s going on?”
He didn’t answer me. Instead, he stepped inside, shutting the door with his boot, and pushed me up against the wall. His hands were under the baby-doll I wore within seconds, and a deeply satisfied growl came from him when he cupped my breasts.
I pushed against his chest in an effort to stop him, but I had no shot at that. Hyde was on a mission.
He lifted me so he could carry me into my bedroom. I took the opportunity to ask again, “Hyde, what’s going on? You look like shit, and I’m worried about you.”
Another growl from him. “Only thing you need to be worried about, sugar, is opening those legs of yours and letting me fuck you.”
I was all for sex; he knew that. But I was more for him sharing his load. That didn’t have to mean dumping all his problems out in the open, but what I was looking for was some back and forth. If this relationship was going to go anywhere, I wanted us to know we could come home at the end of the day and find some comfort there.
When we reached my bedroom and he deposited me on the floor, I forcefully stopped him from getting his hands all over me again. “The only way you’re getting fucked tonight is if you stop for a minute and tell me how you are. I’m not looking for details. I just want you to talk to me and share yourself with me.”
His face darkened. “It’s been a long fucking day. You want me to share the shit I’ve got going on in my head?”
“Yes.”
He shook his head. “No, you don’t. If you knew what was in my head, you’d run a fucking mile, Roe.”
“You need to give me a little more credit, Hyde. I may not know exactly what you do when you’re out on club work, but I figure it’s not rainbows and unicorn type shit. I can see you struggling. Between dealing with your daughter, and your wife, and your club, you’ve got a lot going on. You don’t have to carry that all by yourself.”
Silence filled the room while he processed that. This relationship was so new that I had no grasp on what he thought. Not when it came to this kind of stuff. So my veins buzzed with a little apprehension as I wondered what he would say or do next.
“I’ve been a shitty father. My kid hasn’t seen me since she was two. I left her mother and never went back until recently. That enough to make you think twice about me?” It was like he was trying to provoke me. Trying to throw bad shit about himself at me in an effort to push me away.
I moved so my body was flush against his, and I gripped his waist. “You’ve already told me you aren’t perfect, so no that doesn’t make me think twice about you. I’ve seen you with Charlie, and I think you’re working hard to make things right.”
He hissed, and his muscles under my hand tensed. Curving his hand around my neck, he held me, his fingers digging in to my skin. The small amount of pain that caused coiled desire through me. God, I wanted this man, even if he was a fucked-up mess. “I hurt people, Roe. I fucking inflict pain on them until they give me what I want. I am not a good man,” he said through gritted teeth. His fingers pressed harder into my skin, and I decided right then that I was going to hell, because this only heightened my want for him.
“You don’t hurt people you love.”
“I have.”
That should have stopped me, but it didn’t. “Who?”
He dropped his head and swore sharply, “Fucking hell.” Looking back at me, he yelled, “Everyone! I’ve fucking hurt everyone I’ve ever loved!”
I flinched when he yelled, but at least I’d managed to provoke some emotion from him. Up until then, he’d been holding it back even though I sensed it lurking. The room vibrated with his anger. It snaked around us, a menacing evil that threatened to rip us apart. But I refused to let it.
I pushed him and slapped his chest in my frustration. “Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to push me away?”
I hated that he was so hard on himself. The Hyde I knew wasn’t a bad person. Why couldn’t he see what I saw? Why didn’t he know that everyone hurt those they loved?
His hand snapped around my wrist as he snarled, “I’m doing what you asked, red. I’m sharing myself with you.”
“No! This isn’t sharing. This is you trying to show me all your bad parts at once. That’s not how relationships are built.”
He yanked my wrist closer to his body while still gripping my neck hard. “This is me showing you what you’re getting yourself into,” he barked. “Now’s the time to walk if you don’t think you can handle it.”