With that, she spun on her heel and stalked out of the bedroom while I stared after her processing what she’d said about not needing me.
Who would have thought a child could inflict so much hurt with four words? The pain was instant and deep as fuck. And unlike any pain I’d ever experienced in my life. But I didn’t have time to feel it; I had to go after her and attempt to fix the mess I was making.
“Charlie!” I called out as I followed her out of the house. “I fucked that up. Let me try again.”
She didn’t stop, though. Instead, she picked up the pace and jogged away from the house. I followed suit and eventually caught up to her four houses down the street.
Grabbing her arm, I stopped her and turned her to face me. Almost breathless, she stared at me through tears that streamed down her face. No words came, though. The only thing that sat between us was heartache and misery. We were both hurting, and I had to begin repairing the damage I’d done all those years ago.
Wiping away her tears, I said, “I’m sorry, baby. There’s nothing I can say or do that will make up for all the years I wasn’t there. At the time, I did what I thought was right for everyone. I was young and had no resources to do anything else. But I fucked up. I see that now. I should have tried harder to fix the situation without doing what I did.”
When she didn’t argue with me or attempt to walk away again, I moved closer. I wanted to take her into my arms and wrap her up in them, but it was too soon for that. Even though she lived and breathed in my soul, I wasn’t in hers. She didn’t know me, and she had no reason to trust me. So I gave her the only thing I could. The only thing I thought she might respond to. “I know you have no reason to believe anything I say, but I’m gonna say it anyway. There hasn’t been a day gone by that I haven’t thought of you. The day you were born was the happiest day of my life. I’ve missed seeing you grow up, but I’ve been watching you and keeping track of everything you’ve done. Don’t think that I didn’t care, because I do. And I’m going to be there for you now, however you need me to be.”
I’d hoped my words would help stop her tears, but they seemed to have the opposite effect. She madly wiped them from her cheeks. “You think that an apology and a promise to do better will magically fix everything, Aiden? You have no fucking idea. Even though I had a dad growing up, I always wondered what it would have been like having my real dad there. I wondered if you’d been there, would we have been like those fathers and daughters who did everything together. Would you have taken me fishing or camping or taught me stuff about cars or shit like that? Dad never really did that stuff with me, and while I’m not sure I would have wanted to do any of it, maybe if you’d been around, you would have taken me.” She paused for a beat before her face twisted and more tears fell. “Just because you say you want to be there for me, doesn’t mean you will be.” Her voice cracked as she uttered those last few words, slicing more guilt through me. Fuck, I’d screwed every-fucking-thing up.
“Give me a chance, Charlie. That’s all I’m asking. I don’t expect you to suddenly trust me or believe in what I say, but let’s take it a day at a time and see where we end up. I’m not fucking around here. I want you in my life more than I’ve wanted anything.” My voice turned gruff and I almost held my breath waiting for her reply. She was everything to me, but I had no idea how to make her understand that.
Her tears slowed as she quietly watched me. Weighing up which way to choose. Something I’d said must have reached her because she finally said, “A day at a time. And I’m not making any promises to you.”
I exhaled and nodded. “Fair enough.”
Another silent few moments passed between us as we settled into this new phase of our relationship. I wasn’t sure where to go with it next. I felt like a fucking parenting manual would be good right about now. In the end, she broke the silence. “You’re gonna have to get used to me wearing earphones, though. When you want me and I can’t hear you, just message me.”
Fuck. This was a whole new world to me. “I’ve got a lot to learn, haven’t I?”
She raised her brows and nodded. “Yeah, and one other thing? Don’t call me baby. I’m not your baby anymore, Aiden.”
She’d always be my baby. One day she’d grasp that. I’d make fucking sure of it.
Chapter 12
Hyde
“You’re late,” King said when I showed up ten minutes late at the address he’d sent me.
“Had some kid trouble, brother.”
His forehead wrinkled in a frown. “What happened?”
“My kid showed up on my doorstep this morning. She wants to stay with me for a few days or so after having a fight with her mother, which is good, but we got into it just before I was about to leave.”
“You got it sorted?”
I blew out a breath. “Fuck knows. I’m drowning here, man. Got no fucking clue what I’m doing, but I managed to calm her down enough to know she’d be at my place when I get home later. Now I’ve just gotta figure out how to get through to her that I want to be in her life.”
“Talk to her mother and find out what shit she likes to do and then spend time doing that with her. It’ll be a start. Time’s what you’ve gotta give.”
King never failed to surprise me with the shit he knew. He’d never had kids, but he’d spent a lot of time around them, so I figured he was probably onto something here.
Changing the subject, I said, “How’d you evade the feds?”
“Devil and Nitro caused a scene outside the clubhouse. Distracted Ryland enough for me to leave.” He nodded before casting his gaze towards a house down the street. Jerking his chin at it, he said, “That’s Dean’s house.” The asshole we’d been told could help us find Jacko’s murder. “I did some digging on him and he deals in stolen cars. Recently took up a heavy coke addiction and gets it from Marx. We’re not leaving here today until we get something out of him.”
“Agreed.”
We made the short walk to the house, and King took the front while I took the back. The place looked abandoned and filthy. The person who lived there didn’t appear to care about their surroundings. Overgrown grass and weeds filled the yard, peeling paint and dirt made up the outside of the house, and the backyard was a mess of old tyres and rusted car parts.
Finding a back door open, I easily entered the house and headed towards the bedroom where I could hear someone talking. Dean was on his phone. As I came into view, his eyes widened and he muttered, “Fuck, I gotta go, babe,” before dropping the phone and demanding, “What the fuck?” Yanking his gun out, he pointed it at me and pulled the trigger.