“That she didn’t love me?” I cut in. “Dad, she didn’t love me. The thing is, her being sick and depressed when she sold me is one thing, but she’s been a free woman for a very long time and still has yet to contact me.”
“I don’t want to make excuses for that woman and what she did. It was a rough period in our lives—one I had to move on from—which is why when you were little and would ask me if you had a mom, I would always deflect. And since you were so young, it was easy to do.”
I can talk about that woman without getting worked-up because I’ve closed myself off from that facet of my life even though it goes against Declan’s word. He’s made it clear that he no longer wants me to avoid that which hurts me. But my mother’s truth about what she did to me when I was a baby is too painful for me to think about, and with everything else going on, Declan hasn’t broached the subject of my mother since.
“Do you think you’ll ever see her or talk to her?”
“No,” I state firmly. “She’s never been a part of my life and I don’t see a need for it now.”
“I don’t want to tell you what to do in this situation, but I think staying away is the best choice. I’d be afraid she’d only hurt you.”
“Have you spoken to her since all that?”
“No. As soon as I had you back in my arms, I was done with her and, aside from the day I had to testify at her trial, I never spoke to her or saw her again.”
When there’s nothing else to be said, we sit in a short span of silence before my dad attempts to lighten the mood. “Tell me something good. Something funny from your childhood.”
He has no idea that there’s nothing funny about my childhood, but Declan catches the conversation before it drops and says to my dad, “Better yet, why don’t you tell me more about Elizabeth. What was she like as a little girl?”
Thank you, Declan.
My father’s face instantly lights up with a smile as he reflects on the past. “She was a spitfire of a girl, but in the most endearing way possible.”
“So I see that part of her hasn’t swayed.” Declan’s voice is full of humor, but I keep my attention on my father as he goes on.
“She didn’t have any women in her life, it was only me and a couple of my good friends that surrounded her,” he says and then turns to look at me. “But, somehow, you were so soft and pink and everything a little girl should be.”
He says this with a doting smile, which makes me smile as well.
He turns back to Declan and tells him, “I used to have a short beard, almost the same length as yours, and one thing she would always do was rub her tiny hands over it. She’d giggle and tell me she liked the way it felt as it crackled against her palms.”
I look over to Declan when my dad says this because I do the exact same thing to Declan’s beard every single day. And I do it because it’s always reminded me of my dad, and it simply makes me feel good. Declan gazes into my eyes and gives me a hint of a smile when he puts those two puzzle pieces together.
“But as girly as she was, she still wanted to be my right-hand man,” he continues with a chuckle. “I can remember when we moved into the Northbrook house . . .”
“We didn’t always live there?”
“No. After everything with your mom, I decided it would be best that you and I had a fresh start together. I bought that house for us.”
“I never knew that,” I murmur.
“You were only three years old at the time, but you insisted on having a little tool belt of your own so you could help me hang the window treatments and artwork on the walls. I wound up tracking one down at a nearby toy store, and you wore it proudly as you followed me around the house.”
I laugh when he tells me this, saying, “I don’t remember that.”
“Well, you were so young, but, yeah, you’d pull out your plastic hammer and tap it against the wall every time I would hammer in a nail.” He stops for a moment and smiles at me before continuing, “There was one time when I had a couple buddies of mine over, Danny and Garrett. Do you remember them?”
I do my best to think back and vaguely recall, “You mean Uncle Danny?”
“You do remember,” he says happily. “Danny was a good friend of mine and he insisted that since you didn’t have any aunts or uncles, that you should call him Uncle Danny.”