He remains seated, staring up at me. For a beat, I don’t think he’s going to answer, and my anger burns. Then, he opens his mouth to speak. “Yes, I knew your mother would die, and I did nothing to stop it.”
And that’s the dagger that spears into what Elizabeth calls “the softest part of me.” Blood from the wound that was created the day I watched her die pours out, drowning me, numbing me, debilitating me.
My hands shake when I brace them on the edge of the table and tell him, “You’ll never see me again.”
“Declan—”
“You’re going to die in this shithole all alone, you motherfucker.”
I don’t look back at him when I walk to the guard who stands at the exit, and I swear I leave a trail of blood in my wake from the wound he ripped wide open. When the guard pulls his keys to unlock the door, I hear my father call out, “Declan, come on. Come back,” and then commotion before a guard yells, “Sit down, McKinnon!”
“Declan!”
More commotion.
“Get the fuck off me!”
“Get your ass on the ground, inmate!”
“Declan!”
“Another,” I tell the bartender in the lounge of the hotel, and he pours me a shot of whiskey.
I can’t go back to the room just yet, I’m much too volatile. I’ve spent my whole life trying to measure up to my father’s standards and prove to him that I’m man enough to persevere on my own in this world. And for what? It was all a lie. A lie that claimed my mother’s life and mine. I lost a huge part of myself when she died and was left with scars that no man should ever have to bear.
The moment she died, I was blamed. It was me that wasn’t man enough to save her, and my father spent his whole life making sure I knew I was the * he saw me for. He destroyed everything and has left me in this nightmare of realized deceit.
“How did it go?” Elizabeth asks when I eventually walk through the door of the hotel room.
I’m nothing but knotted up rage and anger and agony that alcohol can’t even cure. I’m broken bones and bleeding wounds, empty and missing my mum like never before. My cold stone exterior masks the pansy I feel like. It shields the insecure man in me that wants to fall to his knees and have his girl hold on to him as he cries for all the years he’s hidden behind strict control. And at the same time, I want to lash out, punch my fists through the walls, and spew the venom in my veins for all that son of a bitch has done to my life.
“Are you okay?” I hear her say through the static of vehemence rushing under my skin. “Declan?”
I bore my eyes into her, silently pleading to use her to expel my wrath onto. My hands fist, and I feel the vibrations in my flexed muscles when it all becomes too much to hold in.
Her hands touch my clenched jaw and she runs them down my trembling arms, all the while looking up at me so lovingly when I’m pouring out pure fury. She’s a goddamn godsend when she perceives my reticence and gives me the permission I’m needing so badly.
“Touch me.”
“I’ll hurt you.”
“It’s okay,” she says so fucking sweetly. “Give me your pain so you don’t have to feel it.”
I kiss her with binding brutality, and she allows it. I’m a wolf, devouring her, clawing her, ripping her clothes off in a storm of violence. She stumbles back as I force my body against hers, pushing her to the ground. I stand above her naked body and breathe in broken pants.
She’s so small, milky white flesh, and ruby red-hair, and she must be crazy to submit to me right now, but she does, saying, “Don’t hold back.”
I strip, and she watches, inviting the beast to come out and play. I’m already rock hard, and when she sits up and wraps her delicate hand around my dick, it pulses and leaps in her grip. I slap her arm away. She lies back, and I reach down and flip her over. Kneeling above her, I grab a handful of her hair, yank it back, and strike her ass with my hand. She cries out, eliciting a heady arousal of power in me.
Reaching for my pants, I rip the belt out from the loops and fasten it tightly around her arms, above the elbows. She squirms and emits little ragged gasps, and I raise my hand, letting it drop in a sharp slap across her ass again. It immediately welts as the blood rushes to the surface, making my dick even more thick and hot with need.
She doesn’t resist when I reach under her waist and jerk her ass up in the air and shove her knees under her so she’s propped up like a fucking beauty. Tangling my hands into her hair, I shove the side of her face into the floor, and when I run the tip of my cock through her slick warmth, I realize she’s ready for me, dripping wet.
I slam my dick inside of her with raging force, and without any restraint, I fuck her licentiously hard. I grab ahold of the belt to use for leverage, and with each pounding thrust, I drive her body into the floor.