“It’s the middle a the day, Charlie, I don’t—”
“I thought you was dead, Huckerbelly!” He waved one of his knotty sun-burnt fists at the barkeep and struck up two bony fingers. “And who’s t’say? Maybe you IS dead! I seen a power a mortalized bodies up bouncin’ round a late, like they’s a big party jest a-waitin’ to happen. Only last week I was drinkin’ in here with Aberham Lincoln, who’s been expired nigh onto ten years. You member him? Ole honest-to-God Abe! He was settin’ right where you’re settin’, stovepipe’n all. It’s the gospel truth! He was feelin’ low-spirited on accounta the desprit sinfulness of the nation, and was gittin’ well soaked t’fergit his stately keeres.”
“He was a good man, I reckon,” I says.
“Better one now he’s dead.” The barkeep set the whiskies down and told me I owed him for both of them. Charlie don’t have no money, he says. “Dyin’ improves EVERbody,” Charlie says, downing his drink in a single swallow. “Killin’ a body is a means a doin’ ’em a favor.”
“Well, don’t do me no favors, Charlie. I ain’t looking for improvements.” I took a sip and felt it burn a hole clean through me. When I could talk again, I says, “You ain’t down at the fort no more?”
He grunted, twitched around at the others, ducked his head, and leaned close. He smelt like something dead, like he’d already joined that big party that was a-waiting to happen. “You recollect that saucy jig dancer sung all them smutty songs?” he growled.
“The Irish girl with the red hair?”
“Yup, that’s her. Was. The Whore of Babylon got inside the pore thing and it was my Christian duty t’free her up, warn’t it? She had friends who was most prob’bly also infested with demons, and purty soon they was legionin’ up agin me, sayin’ I was a heartlust murderer, when I was only doin’ the best I could to save her black soul from etarnal dangnation. So they didn’t give me no choice, I was obleeged to leave them parts in a hurry.” He twitched his shoulders and thrust up his horny paw to ask for two more, but I shook my head at the barkeep. Charlie was likely disappointed, but his pin dots warn’t very expressive. “So, who you workin’ for now, Huckerbelly?”
“Whoever’ll hire me.”
Charlie stuffed a wad of chaw into his cheeks. “Still wranglin’ hosses?”
“Sure.”
“The general’s in a fort a-near here now and I heerd tell he was a-lookin’ for scouts and wranglers.”
“You mean General Hard Ass? Near here?”
“That ain’t his name, but, yes, that’s the cocky SOB I mean, and I mean that complimentry. He took over a fort up here a coupla years back, and he’s killt slathers a injuns so’s to keep the emigrant wagons rollin’ through. Killin’ injuns is a gift he’s got. He stopped in for a quick snort one day and he says some injun he’s got workin’ for him told him you was on your way here.” Charlie let fly a gob of chaw in the generl direction of the spittoon. “Cain’t trust no dumb injun a course. But if I seen you, I’m obleeged to tell you he might have work for you.”
I had to get this news to Eeteh and the tribe, so I give Charlie the rest a my drink, good-byed him quickly, and had just went to settle up for the whisky and tobacco, when I seen a pretty lady, dressed ever so grand, coming towards the saloon’s swinging doors. I blinked twice to be sure. Yes, it was Becky Thatcher! I grabbed up my change and goods, but by the time I reached the doors, she was gone. Maybe she seen me, maybe not. She warn’t so schoolgirl-looking like before, but even fancied up, you could see she was still a St. Petersburg girl. So, if she’s out here, I allowed, Tom Sawyer must be, too, and I was most roused up by this possibleness. Her classy outfit made me think Tom’d struck it rich. I judged he was trying to find me, but didn’t know I was traveling with natives. I couldn’t hardly wait to spread him my adventures.
When I got back and told Eeteh about the general, he cussed in Lakota and says it was that brother that my horse throwed in the cactus. He was the one done the scouting for the tribe and must a lied about Long Hair. Eeteh reckoned his brother was trying to land me in trouble with the general, so I should stay in the camp till he found out more.