“Danke sch?n.” Sam murdered the pronunciation with her thick East Coast accent. “Wiener schnitzel! Dachshund!”
They all laughed and even Rob reluctantly clicked his glass to theirs.
“Dude,” Ben murmured. “You’re going to have to stop staring at her. She’ll notice.”
Josh twisted on his stool to face the dinner one of the servers had slid onto the bar. He and Ben both had burgers and shoestring fries in front of them. Josh didn’t even remember ordering. He’d lost his appetite.
“I knew you’d fall for Holly again once you saw her,” Ben said. He dipped a few of his fries in ketchup. “I remember how crazy you were about her.”
“Yeah.” His lungs felt hollow. Who was Rob? Holly couldn’t actually like that guy, right? With the ponytail? His thoughts shifted in pessimistic patterns, turning his mood sooty and dark. Of course she could like him. Rob was more handsome than he was. Rob kept smiling at Holly like she’d hung the moon. Plus, he lived here.
Not everyone in Martinsburg had overlooked Holly. Rob hadn’t.
“Holly’s even prettier than she was in high school,” Ben said. “She’s made a success of her career and she’s nice to everyone in this town. She’s sort of like our glue. You know?”
Josh took in an uneven breath. “I know.”
Ben’s face communicated sympathy. “Why don’t you tell her how you feel about her?”
“Because I don’t want to get involved with her.”
Ben whistled. “You could’ve fooled me. You’ve been watching her ever since she came in.”
Josh pushed the heel of his hand against his forehead. “I’m an idiot.”
“Tell her that you’re an idiot for her. Women like that kind of stuff.”
“I’m leaving soon.”
“Relocate here.”
“I don’t want to live here, Ben.” Everything in this town reminded him of the kid he’d been.
After his dad had been killed by a drunk driver, his mom had moved them to Martinsburg so that she could take a secretarial position a friend had offered her. Josh had arrived in Martinsburg grief-stricken and mad at the world. A loner. Desperate inside. He’d been terrified and ashamed of his terror because he’d been fourteen years old and his mom had needed him to be strong. He’d been all she had left.
His mom had insisted he play on the JV soccer team, and looking back, he was glad she’d insisted because that’s how he’d met Ben. Ben was the child of a single mom, too, but unlike Josh, Ben had a naturally outgoing and optimistic personality. He’d befriended Josh when Josh hadn’t had anything likable to offer. He’d been Josh’s closest friend ever since.
All through high school, Josh and his mom had lived paycheck to paycheck and barely had enough to cover rent and groceries. To help out, Josh had worked loading and unloading inventory at a warehouse after school and in the summers. The money he’d made had never gone far enough. He’d realized early that if he wanted a better life for his mom and himself he only had one option: to ace his academics and earn his ticket out of Martinsburg, a town that had become, for him, a symbol of hardship and shame.
The second semester of his sophomore year of high school, he’d sat two chairs behind Holly Morgan in AP English. She’d entered his gray life like a bolt of sunshine. And almost from the first day of that semester, he’d loved her.
It had been as simple and as fast and as inexplicable as that.
He’d loved her.
Holly’s manner had been easy and the kindheartedness she’d extended to him sincere. The fatherless and sullen kid, who had plenty of smarts but just one friend, had fallen helplessly for her. She’d been his point of hope, the one aspect of life in Martinsburg he treasured. She’d treated him as a friend for the next two years but his feelings for her had never wavered.
Then one night in the winter of their senior year, when he’d been helping her study for a math test, he’d sensed that things between them had shifted. He’d gathered his courage and taken hold of her hand. She’d squeezed his hand in response. He could still remember the way his heart had pounded and his thoughts had blown out of the water, sitting there next to her at that table with a math textbook open between them, her hand in his.
He’d been introduced to faith as a kid, but Holly was the closest thing to a miracle his teenage self had ever experienced. During the months they’d dated, he’d looked into her eyes and seen God’s love for him looking back. She’d taken him to church and talked through spiritual things with him.
Then the girl who’d strengthened his belief had also become the one who’d most tested it when she’d broken his heart. It had taken him a few years to find God again after that. But eventually, he had. His relationship with God had been his life’s anchor ever since.
Josh sliced a glance across the restaurant and saw Rob lean toward Holly to say something. Holly tilted her head to listen.
Pain and wanting washed through Josh so powerfully that he had to brace against it.
“Look away,” Ben said.