The aisle in front of Alice looked endless.
She had been awake since before dawn, millions of tiny wings beating in her stomach. But they weren’t day-before-your-birthday butterflies, or Christmas Eve butterflies. These butterflies felt as if their wings had been dipped in acid. They were making her stomach roil with anxiety and gave her a sense of impending doom.
As Sarah buttoned her into her dress, she felt breathless, and not because the dress was too tight.
A fitted cream silk crêpe bodice, with three-quarter-length sleeves, buttoned up the back. Then a tulle skirt, on which was embroidered a trail of ivy and roses. Everyone had joked that Alice would probably be wearing wellies under her frock, but she’d found some of the prettiest beaded satin slippers with rosebuds on the front. She had her stick waiting for her in the front row in case she needed it, but she was determined to walk down the aisle without it.
‘Oh darling,’ said Sarah. ‘You look out of this world. Hugh is the luckiest man alive.’
Alice looked out of her bedroom window. The drive was filled with cars, bearing wedding guests in all their finery, crawling along, perfectly wrapped presents on the back seats. She could see the hats; almost smell the perfume. Almost everyone she had ever known in her life was going to be here today.
She could see Dillon moving a rope to allow a new slew of cars into the parking area. He was in his camouflage trousers and a high-vis jacket. Why did her heart feel warm when she saw him, whereas when she thought of Hugh it felt as if it had been dipped in a bucket of ice?
Because you aren’t marrying him, silly, she told herself. Of course she felt safe when she saw Dillon because there was no risk involved. He didn’t represent change. He was solid and reliable and always there, that’s all. And he always would be.
‘I feel sick,’ she told her mother.
‘I remember feeling terrified the morning I married your father,’ Sarah said. ‘It’s because your whole life is going to change from now on. But it’s not a bad thing.’
‘Have you always been happy with Daddy? Did you ever think it was a mistake?’
Her mother looked at her.
‘I suppose I would be lying if I said there weren’t moments I wished my life was different. But I don’t think I’m alone. There are always difficulties along the way. Times when you don’t always agree with the person you are married to, or see things from their point of view. But all in all, I’m glad I married Daddy. He’s a good person, a good husband. And a wonderful father.’
If Sarah chose not to mention that it was she who was the bad person, the bad wife – although she still considered herself a good mother – it was because she wanted to see her daughter enjoy her wedding day, to banish any doubts from her mind, to enter into her union with Hugh light of heart and fully committed.
She hugged Alice.
‘You’ve had a hard time and you’ve been very brave. You deserve a wonderful day and a life of happiness. I’m so very proud of you. But I want you to know that whatever happens, Daddy and I will be there for you. Whatever happens.’
Alice had been shored up by her mother’s words. Sarah was the one person in the world she respected. And trusted. And it was up to Alice to step up, take on the mantle of responsibility and make Peasebrook Manor her life with Hugh at her side. The cottage was waiting for them, bright with new paint and freshly hung curtains.
And now here she was, at the top of the aisle, the quartet playing. She took her father’s arm and stood as tall as she could. She could see Hugh’s straight back at the altar, tall and true in his morning suit, his dark hair slicked back. He turned and said something to his best man, and she saw his familiar grin.
The quartet was halfway through the entrance song. Any minute and it wouldn’t be an arrival any more. The congregation were turning round to see what the delay was.
Alice began to walk. No one could see her face yet, as it was hidden by the creamy lace of the Basildon family veil. No one could see her scar.
All they could see was Alice’s smile.
Alice always smiled.
The notes of the music died away just as she reached Hugh’s side. She carried on holding on to her father’s arm, not wanting to let go. These were her last moments as just a daughter. In a short while, she would be a wife.
Dillon had told Sarah that he wouldn’t be attending the wedding as a guest.
‘I wouldn’t feel comfortable,’ he told her. ‘I’d rather be on the sidelines, making sure everything’s all right.’
‘I don’t want you to feel as if you’re not welcome.’