How to Disappear

Cotter’s Mill, Ohio, has a main street with a couple of sad-looking mom-and-pop stores intersecting a side street with a strip mall and Cotter’s Mill Unified High, where Nicolette attended before she started practicing her knife skills on people.

I cruise past the hamburger joint where Olivia works weekends. I might come off as a stupid prep tourist, but at least I have the sense not to lead my life online. Olivia, on the other hand, records each minute of every day for the general public. I know when she’s on early shift and when her boss, Maxine, reschedules her last-minute. More to the point, I know when the chef leaves, the place is deserted, and she’s behind the counter reading a library book: now.

Olivia is even better in person—brown-haired, brown-eyed, perfect skin, and built. I try to lock in to her eyes to avoid distraction. I order a burger, rare, and a Coke for an excuse to be there.

“The cook leaves at two. Sorry. Just ice cream and pie.”

“Olivia?” I pretend to look at her name tag for the first time. “You’re not Nick Holland’s friend Liv are you?”

Nick, that seems like a nice touch.

There’s a quick intake of breath before she starts smoothing nonexistent wrinkles out of her white waitress apron. Maybe I didn’t play this right.

“Wow,” she says. “How do you know Nick?”

No question, I didn’t play this right. “Yeah,” I say, hoping I’m guessing well. “She wasn’t too happy when I called her that, either.”

This gets the beginning of a cautious smile. “I’m pretty much the only one who gets to call her that.”

“Sorry.”

“And we don’t have Coke. Just Pepsi.”

“I’ll have root beer.”

“I know,” she says. “No Coke. So moronic.”

“Who drinks Pepsi?” I say. “Listen, is Nicolette around? We were in touch for a while, and then she just . . . stopped. But as long as I’m here . . .”

Olivia is making a big show of wiping off the counter. It’s already spotless.

“Come on. I’m trapped at my uncle’s for the weekend. On the lake.”

“Your uncle has a place on the lake?” she says. “Who is he?”

The smallness of this town is evident. I don’t have this down. “Frank Burris,” I say, pulling a name out of my butt. “He’s renting.”

“He’s renting a summer place in Cotter’s Mill?”

“It’s closer to Kerwin.” This is two towns over, but she probably knows everyone there, too.

“I’ll bet it is,” she says. This girl can make anything sound questionable.

“Is there something you know that I don’t know?” Such as where Nicolette is? Just tell me, and I’ll get out of your hair. “Is Nick pissed off at me?”

“How would I know?” She’s fiddling with ketchup bottles. “I don’t even know what your name is.”

“Shit!” This is involuntary. “It’s James.” I picked a name that starts with J. If someone says, “Jack,” and I turn around, it won’t be that suspicious.

Olivia, back to me, shovels ice into a glass. “I’ve never heard of you.”

“That’s disappointing.”

She laughs, just a little.

I say, “Maybe her memory was shot. I heard she got hauled to rehab.”

Olivia doesn’t take this well. “Where? In rehab where? And there’s nothing wrong with her memory!”

She has no idea. I’m in Cotter’s Mill giving out information, learning nothing. Even Don would do a better job. He’d show up, put a knife to her throat, and make her spill everything she knows and then some.

I look down because looking someone in the face and hurling bullshit is getting harder, not easier. “Sorry, it’s just what I heard. And I feel bad. I might have encouraged her to drink more than she intended. Shots. I didn’t realize she was still in high school.”

Olivia is holding up a bottle of mustard and glowering at me. “Where did you say you know her from?”

I’m prepared for this. The Internet is a wonderful thing.

“Cheerleader camp. Last summer.”

She gives me an even more disapproving look.

I say, “I wasn’t at camp, she was. In Ann Arbor? I was in summer school. The cheerleaders kept showing up at parties at the Fiji house.”

Olivia tsk-tsks. “You’re a frat boy? You sure you’re not that douche Alex?”

“Independent. Things get looser in the summer. And I don’t know anybody named Alex.” I shrug. “Let me think.”

“Don’t bother. He came, he went.”

Then she stands there, staring at me as if I’m supposed to carry on a conversation about Alex the unknown douche from Ann Arbor. I need to get this back on track. “I just wanted to talk to her. . . . I was in rehab myself once, so . . .”

Olivia squints at me. “You don’t seem like the type.”

I try to imagine myself reaching around her and snapping her neck. I can’t. I’m aware of her chest rising and falling as she breathes, and of her tongue licking her chapped lower lip. She and Nicolette had better not have that much in common, because if I ever find her, I don’t want to stare at her like this.

I go back to being James, the bitter U of M drunk. “Some people in rehab are the type. Others were rich kids whose parents needed a place to ditch them.”

“Which category were you?”

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