But the truth is that I don’t have the willpower. Not where Dallas is concerned, and so I hit the button and answer the call.
“You call it the dark?” Dallas says without even waiting for me to speak. “I call it hell. A pit. A chamber of horrors. And I hate myself for wanting to go there with you.” His voice is hard. Unflinching. And almost monotone in its precision.
“I told you, Dallas. I’m there for you however you need me to be. All you have to do is believe me.”
“I do.” His tone has softened, and I hear a touch of gentleness. “And we’ll go there. But not yet. Not the first thing.”
I’m actually smiling a little when I say, “Well, it would hardly be the first thing …”
I’m not even sure he’s heard me, because he presses on so quickly. “I want to go out on a date. I want something normal.”
I frown, not sure that this is a good step. “Nothing between us is normal, Dallas. And maybe that’s okay.”
“Maybe,” he concedes. “But I want it anyway. I want hand-holding and stolen kisses and candlelight.” There’s a beat, and in the silence I feel as though I’m floating simply from the impact of his words. “What are you doing tonight?”
“Oh.” The question takes me off guard, and my head is suddenly flooded with all sorts of reasons why I should tell him I’m busy. I’d have to miss my class. I need to finish writing this scene. He tossed me out of his house, so maybe I should reject him as well, if for no other reason than to be contrary.
But then I think about the sensation of his skin against mine. Of how much I want his kiss. Of how I want to see his features lit by the glow of a candle.
And I think about how safe I feel just being near him.
“I don’t know,” I finally say. “What am I doing tonight?”
“Going out with me. I’ll pick you up at seven. Dinner. A movie. Maybe drinks after.”
I’m grinning like an idiot, but my smile soon dies. “A real date? In public? Dallas, are you insane? You know we can’t. What if people figure it out?”
“Trust me,” he says.
And because I do, I say, “All right.”
Dinner and a Movie
Honestly, you’d think I’d never been on a date before.
I take a long bath with lavender scented bath salts, taking my time to soak and shave and generally relax. After I get out and towel off, I use some of the luxurious body butter that Stacey gave me for Christmas last year, rubbing it in so that my legs and arms are soft and subtly scented.
I brush my teeth—twice. Do my makeup with more care than usual. Then get dressed in a sheer black blouse and Agent Provocateur bra paired with a stunning cotton jersey skirt that features a slit so high up my thigh it would have revealed the leg band of my underwear had I been wearing any.
I’m not sure if Dallas is planning a hands-off, old-fashioned date or if he intends to rip my clothes off and have his way with me. If it’s the first, he’ll never know I’m going commando. And if it’s the second—
Well, I really hope it’s the second.
He said he wanted hand-holding and kisses—and while that sounds lovely, I want more. With Dallas, I always want more. And the truth is, I know he does, too.
So while I’m excited for the date, I’m also a little afraid that this is part of a bigger slide backward. That he’s going to keep dangling the carrot of kink without ever actually getting there. Which would be fine if we were a regular couple, but we’re not. At some point he has to take me into the dark with him. He says he knows that; he even sounds like he really believes it.
I’m just not completely confident in his follow-through.
I draw a breath and tell myself it’s okay. He needs time, and he needs to work things through for himself.
Hopefully, tonight is about doing the work.
I check my hair and makeup one last time, then slip on my shoes—strappy sandals with four inch heels that do wonders for my legs and ass. I’m ready. And I still have twenty minutes before he’s scheduled to arrive.
I frown, my mind in a whirl, the seconds ticking away so slowly it’s painful. With a shock, I realize I’m nervous, as much at loose ends as I’d been for my very first date with Danny McBride when I was thirteen. I hadn’t really been interested in Danny—even then, I knew deep down which boy I really wanted—but I was genuinely flattered by his attraction to me. I’d been a wreck waiting for him to show up, not knowing what to expect or if I’d like it.
With Dallas, I know I’ll like it very much. But I still don’t know what to expect. And the not knowing is making me just a little crazy.
Still, it’s better than him sending me away, and me crying on Brody’s shoulder. So I tell myself it’s all good, then change my earrings twice just to have something to do. When I glance at the clock again, I realize that only two minutes have passed.
Great.