He sighs. “It’s definitely been fucked up. Do you wanna leave?”
I do…I really do, but I know that if I leave again, there will be no coming back. It’s now or never. Squaring my shoulders, I look him in the eye. “I can’t, not yet. We’ve settled nothing, and I need to at least try.”
Clay’s jaw tightens. “You’ve been trying, baby, and I’m trying to support you in this, but I gotta tell you, it’s hard. Seeing that asshole treat you like this is fuckin’ killing me.”
I reach across the table and smile as he takes my hand in his. “One more attempt, and then we go, okay?”
He eyes me for a moment, before he tips his chin in deference, and gives my hand a squeeze. “Okay.”
To be honest, I’m surprised he’s being so cool about all this. Clay isn’t someone you can just push around, and he certainly doesn’t tolerate being talked down to the way my father has talked down to him tonight. He also doesn’t allow people to mistreat me in any way whatsoever. I squeeze his hand and muster up a false, but courageous smile for my knight in scuffed leather.
*
Ten years ago
“He’s in his room,” Mrs. Jenson says, barely looking up from her magazine as she taps her cigarette on the butt-filled ashtray in front of her.
Clay’s mother and my mother don’t even seem to belong in the same world. My mother is classy and conservative, never to be seen with a hair out of place. Mrs. Jenson is gritty and gruff, with tattooed skin and teased blonde hair, her face painted heavily with makeup.
Slipping past her and down the hall, I swallow down my fear and head towards Clay’s bedroom. I’m terrified of the conversation we’re about to have. Terrified of his reaction, terrified of what it could mean for me.
Clay had graduated high school last year, and has been attending a community college here in town, working towards becoming an electrician. He’s been doing so well in school, and we have so many plans for our future, but after this conversation, those plans are going to change, and I have no idea where this is going to go.
Raising my hand, I knock gently on his door. “Come in,” he calls from inside, and I feel the blood drain from my face.
Reaching for the knob, I turn it slowly and take a deep breath as I step inside. Clay is sitting on his bed, textbooks and binders spread out all around him, and rock music playing quietly from the stereo in the corner. He looks up as I come in, and surprise fills his face, closely followed by a heart-melting smile as he scrambles off the bed towards me.
“Sophie, what are you doing here?” he asks, pulling me into a hug. I squeeze him back, burying my face in his chest, hot tears threatening to escape as I think about how his excitement at seeing me is about to change in a matter of seconds. “Hey,” he says, pulling back and holding me out so he can look down at my face. “Baby, what’s going on?”
A crease forms between his eyebrows, and I force myself to focus on that as I try to remember the speech I’d rehearsed on the walk over here. “I uh…I need to talk to you.” I can barely get the words out, and my throat aches from the giant lump that’s formed there.
Clay takes a seat on the edge of his bed and pulls me down onto his lap. “I’m listening.”
I swallow and nod my head, tucking my hair behind my ears. “Well, um…you know how I said I had that appointment this morning with my doctor?” Clay nods encouragingly, his eyes never leaving mine. “Well, I uh…” Oh God. I can’t do this.
Clay’s hands come up, cupping my face on each side as he holds my eyes with his. “Sophie, breathe. Talk to me, babe.”
Taking in a deep breath, I just blurt it all out. “I didn’t have an appointment. Kerri and I went to Planned Parenthood and I took a pregnancy test and it was positive and now I’m pregnant and I’m scared and I don’t know what to do and I…” Tears stream down my cheeks, and my chest heaves as I struggle to take in air.
Clay hasn’t moved. His hands are still on mine, and his eyes are still aimed right at me, but he’s gone. He isn’t focused on me at all. Feeling like I’m going to go insane if I don’t move, I try to stand, intent on pacing the room, hoping to get rid of some of this nervous energy, but Clay holds me in place.
“Pregnant?” he says, his voice thick. Pursing my lips, I dash away my tears with the back of my hand and nod. “Fuck me.”
“I’m so sorry, Clay. I came right over as soon as I found out. I I never meant for any of this to happen, and I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I’m just so, so sorry.”