Once we arrived at the hospital, the anesthesiologist administered the epidural and then it became a waiting game. Bear felt a little uncomfortable being in the room, but I begged him to stay. I knew it was odd, wanting someone who was a stranger to me only weeks before watch the birth of my baby. However, during the time we spent together, we’d become friends. And with him there, I felt closer to Jordan and Alex somehow.
Bear held one of my hands and Liz held the other, as the doctor and two nurses prepared for little Ava’s arrival. Doctor Reynolds was an older man, with short gray hair. He had a lean face with gold wire rimmed glasses perched on his nose. He was a sweet man with warm blue eyes and a friendly smile.
“Okay, Sam. I want you to take a deep breath and push. Ready?” The doctor asked.
I nodded and did as he said. I whimpered, it burned so bad, but I kept going as everyone called out encouragements.
“That’s good, Sam, real good. Now, wait until you feel the pressure and do it again.”
I panted as I felt the pressure building again. I took a deep breath and leaned forward, pushing with everything I had.
It continued like that for a while, maybe an hour or two before finally Doctor Reynolds informed us he could see the baby’s head.
I was so excited and tired at the same time. I tightened my grip on my friends’ hands and pushed one more time. There was an increase in pressure and the pain become almost unbearable. Nevertheless, I pushed through, until finally the pressure went away.
“Don’t push now. Just wait while we clean the baby’s airway.”
As I tried to catch my breath, I looked down to see the nurse handing the doctor a bulb syringe. Bear’s hand suddenly loosened, and I looked up at him for the first time since I started pushing. His face had paled as his eyes fixated between my legs.
I pulled on his arm, concerned as he swayed. “Bear, are you okay?”
He looked down at me, his eyes wide and fearful.
“Bear?” I asked again.
Then big tough Bear did the unthinkable. His hazel eyes rolled back, and he fell over like a tree crashing in the forest.
The young nurses shrieked as I stared at him shocked. Liz snorted beside me, and I glanced at her. She was trying not to laugh, but I could see her eyes sparkling. I smiled at her and turned back to what was happening with Bear.
The nurses had revived him and he was sitting in the chair, sucking in deep breaths. The nurses were fretting over him, but he gently swatted their hands away.
“I’m fine,” he said gruffly.
Liz giggled and Bear’s head snapped her way. He narrowed his eyes and she could not hold back. Liz doubled over laughing. I would have too, but the doctor was ready for me to push again.
Ava was perfect. She was all red and screaming her head off, letting everyone know her lungs worked just fine. I smiled in amazements as the nurse placed her on my breast. She snuggled against my chests as tears began sliding down my cheeks.
“She’s beautiful,” Liz whispered in awes as she gently rubbed the soft blonde wisps of hair on top of Ava’s head.
“Just perfect, Sam. You did an amazing job,” Bear said as he walked back over to my side. He looked much better, and color flooded his cheeks as I smiled at him.
We all were entranced with Ava. She was such a gift, and I wished with all my heart that her fathers could have been there to witness her stunning birth.
A knock at the door brought me back to the moment. I stood from the rocking chair and walked over to the crib, laying Ava down on the firm mattress. She was swaddled tightly, and she whimpered only once before settling back to sleep.
I could hear deep voices coming from the living room, and I swiftly left the room, closing the door gently behind me. I walked into to the other room and froze at the sight of Paul.
“What are you trying to say?” Bear growled.
Before Paul could answer, he caught sight of me and turned. His dark eyes bore into mine. At first his expression was blank, emotionless, but then I saw regret flash across his face.
I gasped and stepped back until I hit the wall. No.
Paul swallowed before saying, “I’m sorry, Sam.”
“No,” I whispered as tears streamed down my face. “No.”
Paul held his hand up and stepped towards me, but I shook my head. He stopped and furrowed his eyebrows in concern.
“Sam, I—”
“No!” I screamed louder.
This could not be happening. Jordan and Alex could not be gone for good. I slid down the wall and hugged myself tightly.
Liz came running from the kitchen. “What’s going on? Sam?”
She rushed over and wrapped me in her arms, as I rocked back and forth, whispering no over and over. I just wanted to close my eyes and go to sleep. Then maybe when I woke, it would have all been a dream.
As I looked into Paul’s regretful eyes, I knew it was no dream. The men I loved were dead.
33
Bear
“No… No…”
Sam was sobbing into Liz’s chest, and I thought my heart was breaking right along with her. No woman should be in so much pain.
“What are you doing, man? You’re scaring her,” I growled at Paul. Because of him, Sam was thinking the worst.
“I am sorry, but it’s true,” Paul said.