I stared, shocked as Alex closed the door. My vision blurred a little, as I watched him stroll out of my line of sight. I felt as if my heart had stopped.
I knew what he was trying to say. Alex was in love with Sam. They would get married, have babies and live happily ever after… without me.
I could feel my wall building back up, and I knew my face showed no more emotion. I'd had years of practicing the stony facade. Since Sam left, I’d felt it slowly crumble, but now I had to buck up. If not, I would never survive seeing the two of them together.
11
Sam
"Are you ready to go home, Ms. Adams?"
Oh, was I ever! Lying in a hospital bed for several days was not my idea of fun. I couldn't complain too much. I was still alive and so was my baby. It was a miracle, and I planned to appreciate that miracle every day for the rest of my life. Now, it was time to get home so I could start living it.
I looked up at the nurse, as she spoke. The sweet older lady was somewhere in her mid fifties with a pixie haircut. It looked stylish with her silver hair. My smile brightened at the sight of the familiar woman. She’d been one of my favorite nurses on duty during my visit.
"Susan, I am so ready to get home. And please, stop calling me Ms. Adams, will you? My name is Samantha, but everyone calls me Sam."
Susan chuckled, her cheeks glowing with her smile. "I know, I know," she said, shaking her head. "Let me go finish this paperwork, and I’ll be right back to wheel you out. You have someone to take you home, sweetie? Like maybe that friend of yours?"
I nodded, thinking that Liz was probably on her way. I was about to tell the friendly nurse just that when a deep voice I thought I would never hear again rumbled from the doorway.
"She has someone to take her home."
My smile dropped, as my head whipped around in surprise.
There he stood, casually leaning against the doorframe. He looked at ease, and his voice sounded confident, but his smile was shy and hesitant, as his eyes searched mine.
My mouth felt dry all of sudden, and I was having a hard time swallowing. With shaky hands, I reached for my cup of ice water by the bed and took a long pull of the cool liquid.
When I finished, I continued to watch Alex warily, wondering why he was there. How had he known I was even in the hospital?
Alex slowly walked towards me, raking his eyes thoroughly over my blanket-covered body. I blushed at the obvious approval I saw in his dark eyes. No one had looked at me like that in a long time.
Then I realized what he would see, and I paled. I looked down at my extended belly. I was sitting up slightly in the bed and decided it wouldn't be too hard to hide with the extra blankets. I began bunching the bedding by pushing it down from my chest towards my lap.
When I was done, I looked up and found Alex a lot closer than he had been. He was right beside me, looking down with a knowing smirk on his face. I had not hidden a thing from him.
At first, I blushed, embarrassed, but then I was just confused. I gazed more closely at his rugged face, looking for signs of anger. I was shocked not to find any. His eyes held a wealth of emotions, from amusement to pain, but no irritation, no resentment for being deceived.
I watched, fascinated, as he slowly reached out with one arm. Pausing, his hand shook slightly as it hovered over my abdomen. I held my breath and chanced a look at his face. His gaze locked on my stomach, indecision in his eyes. My breath whooshed out of me when he swallowed hard before dropping the arm back at his side without touching me.
It was not that I didn't want Alex to touch me, far from it. I’d always loved his hands on me, still craved them daily, but I couldn’t handle the emotions that came with the contact. Seeing that look on his face was more than overwhelming.
I could see the awe over my rounded belly, and I understood. Every day I looked in the mirror and felt the same, but I had to rein in the hope that was beginning to tighten my chest. Just because he was there and the baby was making him feel a little sentimental, did not mean anything else had changed.
I schooled my features, hiding my glassy eyes before he looked at my face. There was no way I would show how much the small act affected me. I loved him. He didn't love me. End of story.
If Alex or Jordan wanted to be a part of baby Ava's life, then it was their right, and I would have to learn to live with it. I realized that was another reason I’d kept her a secret. I knew there was a small possibility they would want to be around for the baby's sake, and I was scared. It was safer, for my heart, if I stayed as far away from them as possible.
Alex cleared his throat. "As soon as the nurse comes back, we'll head home."
I looked up and around the room, noticing for the first time that Susan had left. My forehead creased, as I turned back to Alex, noticing his choice of words.