“Of course not,” Little said. “We will be happy to provide you with a vehicle—not stolen—that you can use to meet us at a specified location. All you have to do is get out of your house and to the vehicle without being seen.”
“That sounds good and all,” Ida Belle said, “but I think you’re forgetting the nosy neighbor side of things. Those ATF agents parked on my street yesterday and stirred up my neighbors. They’re going to be watching. If you grab people in my driveway and toss them into a van, my neighbors are going to notice.”
“I wasn’t planning on grabbing them in your driveway,” Little said. “I was planning on letting them leave town in the SUV and acquiring them when they were well out of view of Sinful residents and law enforcement.”
“You’re going to let them steal my SUV?” Ida Belle looked less than enthused. “I know the key’s not in it for them to find anymore, but I love that vehicle. What if they wreck it when you go chasing them down the highway?”
“I’m afraid this is where you’re going to have to trust me,” Little said. “I assure you I can create a situation where the thieves leave Sinful with your SUV but do not engage in a dangerous driving situation. Your SUV will not be damaged.”
Ida Belle narrowed her eyes at Little. “And just how the hell are you going to do that?”
“Oh!” Gertie clapped her hands. “You have one of those radio beam things, don’t you?”
Ida Belle glared at her. “You’ve been watching that sci-fi stuff again.”
“Have not,” Gertie said. “Okay, well, maybe I have, but the radio beam thing is for real.”
Ida Belle opened her mouth to argue and I held up a hand. “Gertie’s right. The radio beam thing does exist, but I’m guessing it would be easier to simply stick the gas indicator on Full and remove all but a tiny bit of gas from the tank.”
Mannie grinned. “Smart. Practical. You sure you aren’t military?”
“Pretty sure,” I said. “But thanks for the compliment.”
Little smiled. “Ms. Morrow is correct with her assessment. The easiest route to follow is to allow the thieves to drive the SUV out of town and to acquire them when they come to a stop on the highway. I assure you I can provide many reasons for them to abstain from attempting a run in your vehicle.”
I figured the many reasons were mostly made up of big scary guys and even bigger, scarier guns. It was a good plan. Most people wouldn’t move if a small army told them to stay put.
Ida Belle looked at me, and I knew she would defer to my opinion because she trusted my instincts. I didn’t think it was an airtight plan, but it was a pretty darn solid one. The trickiest part would be getting the SUV to Ida Belle’s without Carter seeing it, because if he did, the gig was up.
I looked at Little. “You have to get the SUV into Ida Belle’s garage without Carter seeing it, or he’ll know right away what we’re doing.”
“We’ll bring it in after dark,” Little said, “and we’ll avoid downtown, although I think a little driving up and down the highway is in order. It would help if you could arrange for the deputy to be otherwise involved when we arrive.”
“That’s easy enough,” Gertie said. “You’re talking to his main distraction.”
Big laughed. “Let’s try to keep things PG. You wouldn’t want to scare the ATF.”
“I can provide a distraction,” I said, and gave Gertie a pointed look. “Not that kind of distraction. Just give me a time frame.”
“Let’s say ten p.m.,” Little said. “It’s too late for sunlight and a tad too early for car thieving, but gives us time to drive around a bit and get noticed.”
“You know,” Ida Belle said, “all of this makes a big assumption—that the thieves will show up at my house tonight for the car. What if they’ve looked already and moved on?”
“It’s a possibility,” I said. “It’s also possible that they don’t come tonight because they’re busy somewhere else. I still say we put the SUV in there and leave it until they show up. It’s bound to happen sooner or later. Regardless, this way we get to stay involved. If Carter gets them…”
“I agree with Ms. Morrow,” Big said. “If not tonight, then another. We are available until this situation has been handled to everyone’s satisfaction.”
I looked at Big. “You have to make me a promise.”
“I’m intrigued,” Big said. “What do you require?”
“When we get what we need out of the thieves, we turn them over to Carter.”
Big smiled. “Of course. I never considered anything else.”
I stared at him for a moment, trying to decide what I believed. He’d said in the beginning that he wanted me to tell him who had attacked Hot Rod. Now he was backtracking and saying he’d gladly turn the bad guys over to Carter. I wondered briefly what kind of condition they’d be in when that turnover finally happened. Not that I cared overly much. As long as the car thieves ultimately ended up in a jail cell wearing handcuffs rather than in the bottom of the bayou wearing cement boots.
Part of me worried that Big was just humoring me and things were going to go very badly for the thieves once he got a hold of them, but at this point, it was wasted energy. My idea was out in the open. Either we got to be involved and maybe I could talk the Heberts out of killing the thieves if it came down to that, or they’d execute the plan without us and I wouldn’t have any say at all.
I looked at Little and nodded. “Then I believe we have a plan.”
At 9:45 p.m., Ida Belle, Gertie, and I were up to our wrists in crap. Literally.
“Are you sure this is going to work?” I asked for the hundredth time. I couldn’t help it. This entire Operation Distract Carter plan had Gertie’s name written all over it.
“It will work,” Ida Belle said. “Do you think I’d be doing it otherwise?”
She had a point. Gertie was willing to throw caution and sanitation to the wind, but Ida Belle was a little pickier. If it didn’t work out well, then I had only myself to blame for going along with it. And I was perfectly willing to admit that the hope that it did work was why I’d agreed to it in the first place. The very idea of success had me more gleeful than I’d felt in days.
So we’d commandeered Marie’s house, because it was located next door to Celia’s, and set to work with our diabolical plan. First, we’d hauled buckets of cow poop over the fence. Then a fertilizer sprayer filled with regular water. It was a three-stage process. First, we sprayed an area of grass with water to wet it down, then we put a layer of fresh cow poop onto the wet grass. Finally, we added dried cow poop to the top of the fresh cow poop. We created five of these piles about two feet apart from one another and ten feet away from Celia’s back porch.
“That’s the last one,” Ida Belle said.
“We have some leftover,” I said, pointing to a half-full bucket of the fresh stuff.