“Five little girls all at once,” Emilio would grumble when he was frustrated by us. “What the fuck was I thinking?” Then he would grin and pull out one of his many instruments and we would start to play with him. He would forget all the bad shit we did, and we would bond over Led Zeppelin and White Snake covers. He would forget that our long hair clogged the shower drain, or that the downstairs bathroom overflowed with feminine hygiene products.
Wren’s door opens and she slips out. Her boyfriend nods at me and I flip him the bird in response. He doesn’t stop to talk, but he goes out the door.
“I wish you would at least try,” Wren says as she opens the refrigerator door.
“I did try. The first time he cheated on you. And the second. Now my give-a-damn is busted.” I toss up my hands. “I got no more fucks to give.”
Wren growls and sinks down on a barstool.
“I hope you used a condom. No telling what kind of shit he’s carrying around.”
“Of course I used a condom.” She blows out a frustrated breath. “Is this how it’s going to be every time he comes over? If so, I’ll just find somewhere else to live.”
“If that’s what you want,” I bite out.
“Okay then,” she says on a heavy breath.
“You can’t force me to like him.”
“I know.” She gets up to return to her room. At the door, she looks back at me over her shoulder. “Did you need something?”
I need to talk to her about Ryan and the way that he found out about my suicide attempt. I need to talk to her about my interest in him and his complete disinterest in a girl like me. And I want some advice about what to wear tonight when I meet him.
“No,” I say instead. “I didn’t need anything.”
Her eyes go soft. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I stomp to my room and slam my door a little too hard.
I wanted to show her the tattoo I got today. I wanted to show her how Ryan put my parents’ rings in them without me even having to ask him. I wanted to show her how damn special the whole thing was, and how beautiful he made it. But I didn’t get to show her anything.
I roll my gloves down and pull them off. Then I walk to the mirror and uncover my new tattoo, gently removing the plastic wrap Ryan put on me. The seagulls are perfect. I can’t wait to see what else he comes up with.
I first started wearing the gloves because I couldn’t stand looking in the mirror and seeing the evidence of the way I destroyed my family and killed my parents. It hurt every time I had to see the scars. But now, they’re going away, and I couldn’t be happier.
I look up at Ryan’s Skyscrapers baseball cap and tug it low over my eyes. I wonder why he wants it back so badly. I toss it onto the bed and go get in the shower.
When I get dressed, I do it with the knowledge that someone will be looking at me who knows my secret already. I don’t have to work so hard to hide it. And I leave home feeling freer than I have in a very long time.
Ryan
She takes my breath when she comes around the corner. She’s wearing a blue jean skirt and a shiny, loose-fitting top. She has white gloves pulled up past her elbows, although one side is riding a little lower than the other and I see the tattoo I did this morning. Her brown hair is loose around her shoulders and her dark brown eyes sparkle at me.
“Hi,” she says. She smiles and ducks her head.
“Is my cap safe?” I ask. I look at the tiny purse she has clutched in her hand.
“It’s safe,” she says. “For now.” She grins at me and my heart jolts.
I look at the seagulls I tattooed on her arm. “I like you with ink. We should add a lot more.”
She smiles. “I like that idea.” She nods toward the restaurant. “Are you hungry?”
I shrug. “I could eat.” Truthfully, I am starving. I haven’t eaten since the sandwich I had this afternoon. “What about you?”
She nods. “You’re buying. Of course I’m hungry.”
“Who said I was buying?” I am, but still.
“You want to see your cap again, right?”