“I’ve just learned to keep my expectations out of the equation is all,” I say, hoisting the straps of my stuffed duffle on my shoulder and following Curtis through the familiar front doors of the Shore Swim Club. I reach my right hand up out of habit to tap the top of the doorway as we pass through. I used to have to jump to reach this spot.
“Expectations aren’t much different from goals, Will. And I know you’ve got goals. That’s why you’re here,” Curtis says over his shoulder. I barely hear him through the rush of memories that pound me with every blink of my eyes. This is definitely going to be harder than I thought.
“Goals?” His hand is flat on my chest, and I shake away the demons.
“Huh? Oh…yeah. I just keep them simple. Sorta part of my therapy—one minute at a time, one step forward, then another,” I say.
Curtis twists his lips and studies me for a few seconds before his mouth curves into a smile and his heavy hand pats my chest twice.
“Well, sounds to me like you’ve got hundreds of expectations then…maybe thousands. They’re just all lined up.” His chest lets out a raspy laugh as he turns and continues to the steps that lead up to the small apartment area and business office.
“Oh there’s a line, all right. And I’m constantly standing in it,” I say. He laughs out hard, but since he doesn’t turn around, I don’t bother to smile. I wasn’t joking.
Curtis holds the door open near the end of the hallway, and my uncle and I walk in front of him into the wood-paneled room that smells of old towels and chlorine. The carpet is a green mesh, made for wet feet and cheap maintenance.
“It ain’t much, I know, but it’s still better then you all trying to rent something for a couple months. Just didn’t make sense to me,” Curtis says while I survey every piece of the place I’ll call home for the next several weeks.
“Oh, it’ll work just fine. Thanks for putting us up,” my uncle says, reaching his hand forward and gripping Curtis’s for a tight squeeze.
“Well…I guess I’ll let you get settled. Keys are on the dresser. They work on the main door and this one,” he says, jiggling the knob for the small apartment door in his right hand.
I hold them up and nod in acknowledgement, then push the keys into my pocket. I look toward Curtis, but not directly in the eyes. His gaze stops short too, and we both stare into a nothingness between us for a few seconds before he breaks the silence.
“Right, well…I guess I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow. We hit the lanes at five,” he says, and with a quick wink, he turns and pulls the door to a close behind him. I push it the rest of the way in until I hear it click, but something about the way my hand looks against the grain of the door holds me in my spot. I am literally swimming in memories, and even the good ones—like the way my hand looks right here, right now—feel like gravity pulling me down from my insides.
“I think you should take the bedroom,” my uncle begins, but I cut him off.
“I’m good on the couch,” I say, lifting the golden cushions and tossing them on the floor before pulling up on the bed frame. “It folds out, and I…I’ve slept on it before.”
It’s actually the last place I want to try to close my eyes and sleep, but my uncle is in his sixties, and I’m not making him sleep on something that I know will have him crooked and unable to stand by morning.
“I’m sure,” I say when I see his concerned expression. I lift his bag and carry it to the small bedroom, setting it on the twin bed pushed up against the wall. Honestly, when he sees this room, he won’t feel like he got the better end of something. He just got the other end.
Our eyes meet as he moves into the room, and he chuckles at the tight fit. I nod and let my chest shake with a laugh, too.
“I guess I’ll unpack then. I’m going to need to set up the desk with my tools if I want to get anything done while we’re here…oh damn. I think my toolbox is still in the car,” he says, patting his hands in search of the keys.
I pull them from my pocket, along with the ones for our room, and tell him, “I got it.”
“Thanks, Will,” he says, unzipping the top of his travel bag.