“But you didn’t miss it,” I point out. “You’re rewriting this thing for the fourth time because you care so much about it.”
“If I don’t get accepted, it’s going to feel like a huge blow.”
“That’s a lot of pressure, Theo. It’s pressure you weren’t counting on being under for another year,” I remind him. I massage his arm and take a deep breath. It’s never been easy finding the right words to comfort someone so brilliant. “You’re not just someone with good grades, Theo.” I wait for him to correct me with something cute like “astronomically amazing grades” or “the greatest grades in all the land,” but he doesn’t have it in him right now. “You’re not someone that just memorizes facts for exams and forgets them the next day. You don’t just have lucky guesses in pop quizzes. You bring textbooks with you into the shower. Basically, you’re a really weird superhero.”
He forces a smile. “One day, Batman is going to take off his mask and, boom, it’ll be me.”
“Robin is hotter, but I’ll settle.”
Theo looks up at me and I lean forward and kiss him.
“How’d I do?” I ask. “With the pep talk?”
“I’m motivated,” Theo says. “And feeling guilty you’re not out there enjoying your favorite holiday. Get out of here.”
I pull off my eye patch and throw it across the room. “That thing is itchy anyway.” I stand, pulling him up with me. “You’re taking a two-minute recess before diving back into the essay.” Theo seems a little anxious, but he’s okay with giving me two minutes in exchange for my Halloween. “My parents taught me these kisses when I was younger.”
I lean in to his face, like I’m going in for a kiss, but I brush his eyelashes against mine and wait for him to do the same. “That’s a butterfly kiss.”
“Kind of tickles,” Theo says.
I bump his forehead with mine a couple of times. “That’s a caveman kiss.”
“I didn’t know cave people were so romantic.”
I rub his nose against mine, not stopping until Theo mimics me. “That’s an Eskimo kiss.” I want a fourth kiss now, something special like these. “My parents only taught me three, but I’ll figure out another now . . . uh . . .” I look out the window where the streets are alive and undead from Halloween. “Here’s a zombie kiss.” I nibble on his cheek, growling. I bust out laughing when Theo returns his own zombie kiss.
“I like the zombie kiss best,” Theo says. “Screw college, let’s have sex instead.”
“Your parents and Denise are here.”
“Screw them too.”
I smile. “Nope. I’m helping you with your essay. Come on.” I point to his desk chair and he sighs. But he can’t sit still and starts pacing.
The question is simple: What creation are you proudest of?
Theo had originally wanted to talk up some of his animation videos, but tonight he changed his mind; he’s super proud of his alternate universes. Together we look through his journal. We’re standing by the window, but I’m not even the slightest bit distracted by all the Harry Potters and slutty dinosaurs walking the streets. Theo is practically walking me through his brain, a tour of his imagination, and we’re both lost in it, lost in why this universe we live in beats the rest. We’re two zombie pirates who aren’t leaving the ship to feed on brains, but there’s definitely a greater voyage ahead.
Anyway, we always have next Halloween.
TODAY
Friday, November 25th, 2016
Good morning, Theo. Sorry I shut down on you last night. I couldn’t shake off that haunting suspicion you’re hovering over Jackson instead of me. It was like some itch speeding around my body, always a second too late from scratching it dead. Don’t roll your eyes, but I did some soul searching. I dug deep into our history and remembered all our good times and the happy memories that would’ve eventually brought you back to me in life. I no longer believe I’m in this alone, talking to myself.
I am still questioning how often you’re looking around for Jackson, though.
Jackson.
I haven’t forgotten he’s here. His crying stirred a tornado of sympathy and rage in me, and while I remained firm against the force of that grief, I am definitely battered. I should’ve turned around to see if he’d worn himself out and fallen asleep or lay awake staring at walls like me, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.