I have no guesses as to why the guidance counselor wants to meet up with Theo at the end of the day. I bump into Wade between classes, and he has no clue, either. He shrugs it off and says we’ll find out later, but it makes me feel small not knowing. Theo is happy, right?
It’s hard enough faking interest in seventh-period earth science. I need to know these differences between igneous, sedimentary, and metamorphic rocks and other stuff for weekly quizzes and Regents exams, but I swear I paid attention to 2 percent of this afternoon’s class. I was too anxious for Theo’s news. Once the final bell rings, I completely skip going to my locker and head straight to Theo’s, and I’m relieved seeing him there already.
“Hey,” I say, kissing him on the cheek. Everyone knows we’re dating, and it hasn’t been a big deal. A lot of our classmates spread throughout sophomore and junior year assumed we were dating back when we were still just best friends, and the freshmen crack that code easily because Theo and I arrive most mornings holding hands. It’s been really cool that our deans don’t give a damn. “What’s going on? We’re not waiting for Wade.”
“Clearly not,” Theo says, smiling. “I’m sorry for the suspense.”
“I’ve been totally fine,” I joke, loosening my tie.
“Right.” Theo stops unloading his bag and leans against his locker, a picture of us on the inside, pinned by a Tetris sticker. “The guidance counselor called me in to talk to me about early admission. Spoiler alert: I have kick-ass grades across the board. I’m even beating out some seniors this month in my AP classes. Ms. Haft even used the word ‘wunderkind,’ and it took all my will not to propose right then and there.”
“Wow. Uh, what has to happen for you to get in?”
“They want me to write an essay before November first to submit to colleges,” Theo says. “Ms. Haft thinks I should apply to Harvard, but I really like the animation program at Santa Monica College. I have to talk to my parents about where their finances are. Dude, I could be in California by this time next year.” He closes his eyes while he leans his head against his locker, smiling and lost in this dream where he’s free of me. “Isn’t this awesome?”
I’m not giving my face a chance to betray me, so I hug him before he can open his eyes. “You deserve this, Theo. I’ll help out any way I can.” I hope that’s not an empty offer for both our sakes.
I’m scared, though. The possibility of Theo’s moving across the country sort of feels like it could be the beginning of the end. I was already nervous about what was going to happen to us when I enter my senior year as he begins college. Now there’s a chance he’ll be two years ahead of me. It doesn’t feel promising. I can’t beat these paranoid feelings out of my head.
I back away, and he’s beaming. His face lights up in the same way when a trailer comes on for a new movie he’s really excited about. He has this preview in his head, and he can’t wait to see if it’s everything he’s daydreaming about.
I smile for him. But it’s a lie. I’m not happy.
TODAY
Thursday, November 24th, 2016
Now would be a good time to retreat to our zombie-apocalypse bunker, because the end of the world is here: I’m on my way to your house to pick up the person who stole you from me.
I don’t hate Jackson, Theo. But I don’t have to be his friend. The only reason I was even friendly when I met him was because I couldn’t be an asshole. I couldn’t ever look like I was against him or wanted to sabotage your relationship. When we had our eventual reunion, you would be able to see how my love for you trumped my own happiness. But now—as vulnerable or pathetic as this sounds—Jackson is someone I’m turning to. I’m not strong enough to suffer alone.
It’s snowing a little and freezing, and the cold air bites at my exposed neck, ears, and my hands when I pull out my phone to text Jackson: I’m two songs away.
I delete the text and in its place send, I’m like six minutes away.