Lily was gnawing on a long piece of straw, which made her look like the cutest country bumpkin he’d ever seen. She removed it from her mouth to speak. “That’s how it’s always been with my pa. My parents like to get along with everyone, and they don’t like taking sides. Growing up, if someone did me wrong, my pa would give me advice on how to avoid bothering that person in the future. He never got angry on my behalf, and he didn’t once defend me against someone. So don’t feel bad, Jesse, it’s not about you. It’s just the way he is.”
This made absolutely no sense to Jesse, and he said as much. “I don’t get it. That’s a father’s job, to protect and defend his child. I can’t imagine having a daughter and not protecting her.”
Jesse watched with concern as Lily’s eyes filled with tears. He stood from his spot on the bench, walked to the hay bale and sat down. She leaned her head against his knee, and he ran his hand over her head and down her hair. “What is it, honey? What did I say to make you cry?”
She looked up at him with wet eyes. “It’s just… I’m so glad you love me, Jesse. Growing up, I never felt loved, and I think you’ve figured out one of the reasons for that. No one was ever on my side. It was my duty to avoid being an inconvenience to my parents, so any trouble that found me they saw as my fault.” She looked down and fiddled with the lace on her homemade dress. “I want to tell you something embarrassing. Will you promise not to make fun of me if I do?”
Jesse reached down and brushed off one of the tears that had spilled to her cheek. “You can tell me anything. I’d never mock you.”
She took a deep breath and stared straight ahead. “All growing up, I had an imaginary friend, but it wasn’t like how it was with other children, who imagined someone their age. I had an imaginary papa. I imagined him holding me and protecting me. I even imagined…” She hesitated, but then continued. “I even imagined him turning me over his knee when I did something bad. Looking back, I can see that the reason I imagined all that was because I wanted to feel loved. I wanted someone to notice me, even when I did something wrong.”
Her words saddened Jesse. He thought about her growing up feeling unloved by anyone but an imaginary father, and he wished he could have been there to hold that lonely child. He didn’t know what to say, so he offered his touch. He gently took a lock of her hair in his hand and stroked it away from her damp face.
She tilted her head up to look at him. “That’s not the really embarrassing part, though.”
“Go on then, honey. Tell me the rest.”
She looked back down. “You remember that time we met outside the blacksmith’s shop? When you found me crying?
“I do.” A long pause followed, and Jesse waited patiently for some time. Finally, he bent over and gave her a firm kiss on the top of her head. “Out with it. I told you I wouldn’t mock you.”
Her words tumbled out quickly then, like she was trying to get them over with. “After that day, when I pictured my imaginary papa, I pictured you. And now that you’re with me, I don’t imagine him at all because I kind of think of you that way.” Her face flamed and she threw her hands over her eyes after her admission.
“Oh, honey,” he sighed. He observed her for a moment. Her hands remained over her face, and her shoulders began to shake. “Look at me, Lily,” he said, using his stern voice, which he knew she would obey.
She removed her hands slowly and looked dolefully into his eyes.
“I’m very proud of you for telling me that. Come sit on my lap.”
She made a move to obey and he helped with the rest, pulling her from her spot at his feet and settling her on his legs. Enclosing her in his arms, he said, “Thank you for sharing that with me, honey. I can tell it wasn’t easy for you, and I’m honored that you trusted me enough to say it. I’m also honored to be the person to give you the love you need now.”
Upon hearing his words, she relaxed against his chest.
“You know something else? I’ve already noticed that little girl side of you, the side of you who wants to be guided and protected. You’re certainly a woman, and I love everything womanly about you, but I also love your little girl side. I know you need me to take care of you like a papa does his daughter, and I’m more than happy to do so.”
“I’m so glad,” she said softly.
“And anyone who does my little girl wrong will have to answer to me.”
Lily wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. “Thank you, papa.”
Jesse smiled and gave her a squeeze. “Papa will be firm with you when you are naughty, but I think you know that already.”
“Yes, I do,” she said with a small smile.
Lily’s admission about growing up feeling unloved and unnoticed helped Jesse understand her better. It explained why she had felt unimportant at the age of fifteen. It also explained why she wanted to sing and dance in his saloon. In doing so, she would receive the attention and adoration of many people, shallow though it would be.