They finished their meal in awkward silence. Lily thought about apologizing like she usually did when she said or did something to displease him, which seemed to be just about daily, but she couldn’t bring herself to say she was sorry this time.
As he made a habit of doing since he first started courting her, Elijah used their conversation as a theme in his sermon on Sunday morning. It was a pleasant, warm day, and Lily sat on a pew near the back of the chapel with her parents. She always had a hard time keeping focused on the sermon, but that morning, it was even more difficult. Distracting her was someone in the congregation she’d never seen there before. Jesse sat two rows in front of her with someone Lily recognized as Florence, the woman who ran the saloon with him.
“You must be grateful for what you have,” Elijah’s voice boomed loudly. Lily’s attention snapped back to her beau, who was looking straight at her. She shivered and wrapped her shawl around her shoulders tighter.
Elijah continued, his voice growing even louder, “You have food to eat, unlike many. Are you grateful for your many blessings, or do you covet what is not yours?”
Lily’s gaze returned to the back of the saloon owner’s head. His shoulders looked very broad, especially in comparison to the slight woman sitting next to him. Lily wondered if Jesse had some kind of romantic relationship with her. She wore a beautiful red silk gown, the likes of which Lily had never felt against her skin. Her stomach turned with the mere thought of Jesse courting another woman.
She knew she had no right to be jealous, especially since she was practically spoken for, but she felt a closeness with Jesse. As she sat there in church, she allowed herself to imagine him taking her over his knee and spanking her. She fantasized often of Jesse’s hands on her body. Sometimes imaginary Jesse stroked her, sometimes he held her in his arms and kissed her lips, and sometimes he spanked. She felt her drawers grow damp and she squirmed, ashamed of her impure thoughts. She needed to get the saloon owner off her mind.
Jesse didn’t make it easy. He seemed to go out of his way to speak to her ever since the day he spanked her soundly. Unlike everyone else, he seemed interested in how she was doing. He asked questions and complimented her. She used to allow herself to believe that he cared for her in a special way, but then she would see him conversing and laughing with another woman, and that hope would vanish. It was after seeing him engaged in such a conversation that she finally said yes to allowing Elijah to court her. She couldn’t live in a fantasy world forever and needed to consider the practicalities of her future, as her parents always admonished her to do.
The sound of the organ and people shuffling to their feet interrupted her reverie. She stood along with the rest of the congregation and sang the final hymn, ‘It Is Well.’ She loved that song and knew every word of every verse by heart. She tried to hear Jesse’s voice and smiled when his smooth baritone reached her strained ears.
When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Following the song, Elijah led them in the final prayer and dismissed them. She moved with the other church members to the back of the chapel and then outside, glancing back once to find Jesse speaking with Max and Charlotte, the town’s blacksmith and his schoolmarm wife.
Lily’s parents knew she was planning to have a picnic with Elijah after the service, so they bid her farewell and left for the farm in their buggy. Lily loitered near the door. After some time, she sat on a bench outside, waiting for Elijah to join her. She hoped to catch another glimpse of Jesse and perhaps even speak to him before Elijah fetched her. She scolded herself inwardly for being so needy of the man’s attention.
Her hopes were dashed anyway when Elijah exited the church before Jesse. He spotted Lily and walked toward her with a stern expression. Lily had a horrible feeling that Elijah could read her thoughts. She felt guilty around him often, as he always made a point to correct any behavior that could be considered wayward.
“Were you listening to the sermon?” he asked. He held his bent arm out to her, and Lily laced her hand around the crook of his elbow.
“Yes, of course, Elijah. Why do you ask?”
Elijah steered her to the side of the chapel where they could speak in private. “You weren’t looking at me most of the time. It didn’t seem like you were listening.”
Lily averted her gaze from his face and noticed the geraniums in bloom and marveled over the chirping of birds around them. It really was a lovely day.
“Lily!” Elijah exclaimed. “Can you not pay attention for two minutes?”
“I’m sorry, Elijah,” she said in a soft tone that could be used on a wounded beast who might pounce or charge at the slightest provocation. She returned her gaze slowly to his face. “But I assure you I was listening to your sermon.”