And he didn’t. Who were they to argue against it, either? When he was home, he was better. He was calm and happy and easy to get along with. The panic attacks were few and far between, and even though they’d never admit it, it actually made their lives much easier. No parent-teacher conferences, no driving him to school in the mornings and picking him up in the afternoons. At just thirteen years old, he needed very little from his parents and even less from the world. He wasn’t bored or lonely or sad. He was safe. He could breathe. He could relax.
Solomon never had a lot of friends in school, just kids he’d say hi to or trade homework answers with from time to time. But, somehow he’d always end up having lunch with this kid named Grant Larsen. Grant was that sort to constantly talk about hot girls and action movies and which teachers he hated most. That is, when he wasn’t bragging about his dad’s “cool job” for an electric car company.
“Then why don’t you guys have one?” Solomon would ask him.
“We don’t have any way to charge it at home yet. But, soon, man. Real soon.”
Grant didn’t mind so much that Solomon never talked about girls or bragged about his dad’s cool job. He just liked being listened to and that happened to be one of Solomon’s strong suits. He’d nod and respond with one or two word answers. It was the only way he could sit there surrounded by hundreds of loud kids without freaking out. He would focus on Grant and keep quiet. Any more attention than that, and he risked having a panic attack right there in front of everyone. Like the one that eventually sealed his fate as the crazy kid.
To his credit, Grant did come to see Solomon after the fountain. But, at home, Solomon wasn’t the muted listener he’d been at school. He was himself. And that was someone who Grant didn’t seem to like very much.
“You want to play a game or something?” Solomon asked one day, just a few weeks after leaving school.
“What kind? You got a PlayStation?”
“Oh. No. I suck at video games. I meant a card game or something. You like strategy games?”
“Are you asking me to play Dungeons and Dragons? Because hell no. I’d like to not die a virgin.”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“Tell that to my uncle Eric. Plays those nerdy games with all his nerdy friends all the time and my mom says he’ll probably be alone forever.”
“She sounds nice,” Solomon said under his breath.
“Don’t be a dick, I’m just trying to say it’s a little lame.”
It wasn’t lame. Not even a little. And it didn’t take long for Solomon to realize that he didn’t need a friend. Which worked out well, because after a few months and a few more failed attempts at hanging out, Grant eventually stopped coming over altogether. His parents asked him a few times what Grant was up to, why he’d been so busy, and Solomon just shrugged it off and said he didn’t know. He knew. He was busy boring someone new to death.
See, Solomon’s world wasn’t lonely like you’d think. It wasn’t dark and sad. It was small, sure, but it was comfortable. Why would it need to be anything but that? He knew his parents worried, though, and that was really the only thing that bothered him. What he wished, more than anything, was to be able to explain to them how much better it was now. But judging from their silence on the issue, and his lack of a therapist, he figured they already knew.
FOUR
LISA PRAYTOR
Lisa had learned some important things from her mother. Like how to put on mascara while driving and what time of year it’s okay to wear white shoes. But, mostly, Lisa learned that if she settled for a life she didn’t want, then she’d end up just like her—overworked, mildly depressed, and failing miserably at a third marriage.
Lisa wanted more than Upland, California. It wasn’t the worst place on earth, by any means, but it wasn’t her place. Someone like Clark could live there forever, happy enough to have a quiet little life and never make too many waves. But Lisa needed something bigger. She wanted to be important. And that wasn’t going to happen in the Inland Empire. Luckily, with her junior year coming to a close, Lisa saw an end in sight. And now that she had an appointment to see Solomon Reed’s mom again, she was feeling pretty confident about her escape plan.
She still wasn’t sure what to do about Clark, though. She loved him. It was hard not to, but every attempt she’d made at taking things to the next level had been shot down. He didn’t want to talk about college, always saying he just wasn’t ready yet. And, despite his looks and confidence, it turned out he wasn’t ready for some other things, either.
Clark wanted to wait. Lisa wasn’t sure what, exactly, he wanted to wait for, but every time she tried to initiate anything even close to sex, he’d remind her that it wasn’t the right time yet.
Of course she never once considered that the problem could be her.
“He’s religious,” she told her friend Janis on the phone. “That’s why, right?”
Janis Plutko had been Lisa’s best friend since the first grade. But, ever since she’d become a born-again Christian sophomore year, Lisa had felt a lot of distance from her. She didn’t have a problem with it, but sometimes she wasn’t so sure Janis knew the difference between being religious and acting that way.