Fuck. He wasn’t going to last long.
As soon as he got to her bedroom, he set her down and pulled away so he could study her face.
She bit her lip then tugged on the bottom of her shirt. “I…I’ve only been with one other person since the surgeries. I know you don’t want to hear about other men, but I wanted to make sure you know that you won’t be the first to see my scars other than my doctor.” She pressed her lips together. “You’ll be the second, actually.”
He ground his teeth together at the thought of her with another man but pushed it away as fast as he could. She was telling him this for a reason and he got it, but it didn’t mean he had to like it. From the hesitant way she moved, he had a feeling the asshole before him hadn’t done his job. Sloane would be damned if he’d allow that to happen again.
“Like I said, tell me what to do.”
“Just make love to me,” she whispered. With that, she pulled her shirt over her head and let out a breath. He could see the scars on her stomach, the port scars on her chest. The bra she wore covered most of her, but he could tell she’d had surgery.
He moved closer then put one hand around her back to the clasp of her bra. He leaned down and kissed her softly. When he undid the clasp, she moved her arms so the bra fell on the floor between them, tangling with their feet.
“It’s not pretty,” she said, her voice stronger than before. “But it took me a long time to realize I’m beautiful despite the scars.”
Sloane pulled away and looked into her eyes before dropping his gaze to her chest. His heart constricted at the sight of what had almost taken her from him.
“You’re beautiful with the scars, Hailey.” And that was true. Her surgeon had done a fantastic job, but even if they hadn’t been as precise as they obviously were, she’d have been beautiful.
Long scars bisected each breast and smaller ones marred the undersides. Parts of her skin had dimpled or scrunched together as the tissue and muscles underneath had been moved around during her healing.
“I don’t look like I once did.”
He tilted his head at her and nodded. “No one does. You look like a fucking survivor, Hailey. That’s all that matters to me. You get that? You’re here. You’re here to be with me and that’s what I know. You’re alive, breathing, fucking thriving. What more can I ask for? So you don’t have nipples? So what? You’re here.”
Tears filled her eyes and she reached up to wipe them away. He took her hand quickly before wiping her tears away himself.
“I’m not going to lie to you, Hailey. I won’t do that. I know you don’t look like you once did, but fuck, I don’t either.” He pulled back and took off his shirt. Scars covered his back and sides, as well as most of his chest. Surgical scars, scars from cuts and abrasions, as well as a few burn scars dotted his skin.
“Oh, Sloane…” She reached out and brushed her fingers along the largest one—a mix of burn and jagged lines. “I didn’t know.”
He shrugged but put his hand over hers before pulling her palm so it rested over his heart. “I hid them like you hid yours. No reason for others to know and not know what to say, to feel. But you’re not anyone. You’re Hailey. We’re both scarred, but we’re here.”
And those he’d left behind weren’t.
But he wouldn’t think about that now.
Not when he had Hailey in front of him, bared in body and soul.
“Will you tell me about them?” she asked.
At first he thought she was talking about the men he’d lost, but then he knew she was speaking of the scars. Of course, they went together in a way, and he knew he’d have to tell her everything eventually.
“Not right now. Let me love you first.”
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll hold you to that.”
“Just let me hold you.”
Sloane kissed her again, running his lips along her neck before kneeling in front of her. Hailey’s body shook, but she placed her hands on his shoulders. When he kissed her left breast and the scar that resided there, he felt the first tear drop on his head. He kept going, kissing each scar, each mark that had cost her, but in the end, had saved her. Without the pain, without the scars, he would have lost her before he’d had her. And he’d never forget that.
While Hailey might not be able to feel his touch here the same way she once might have, he wanted to love her in every way he could. They both would come tonight, would make love until they were spent, but first, he needed to love her body.
All of her body.
He might be too large, too jagged, too haunted, but he’d make this special for her.
He couldn’t suck on her, play with her the way he might have with another woman, but there were still things he could do. By the time he moved his lips across her chest, and then down her belly, she had her hands on his head, pressing him closer.
He pulled back and grinned. “Bet you wish I had hair for you to pull right about now.”