“So there’s this moment I keep coming back to.” I climb up onto the bed later that night when everyone has gone home, and the doctors have done their final rounds. “It was right after the day of our car wash. Do you remember it? We were having a quiet night in, just lying around and talking, and you stopped and looked at me. You looked at me like no man has ever looked at me before.” I run my fingers through his hair, careful not to jostle the monitoring cords. “It was like you were seeing me for the first time.” I take a breath, hoping to keep the tears away at least for a few hours. “It’s the moment I keep going back to. I want you to look at me like that one more time. Just one more time. That’s all I’m asking.” I lean in closer and breath him in. “Please, Hetch. You have to wake up.”
“You shouldn’t be up there.” Avery, my favorite nurse, walks into the room, intruding on our personal bubble.
“You gonna make me get off?” I whisper back. If she thinks I’m getting down off this bed, she has another thing coming. She’s a little thing, and if I had to take her on, I would.
“I wouldn’t dare. But don’t let the doctors see you up there.” She reaches for his chart and walks around to his other side. We don’t talk while she does her thing. The routine’s become so predictable. I know what buttons she’ll press, what tests she’ll run, and what she’ll put down in his file.
“How is he tonight?”
“Same. Just like yesterday.” She picks up on my tone and pauses in her notes.
“Have you eaten today?” I almost roll my eyes. If it’s not the boys or Brianna trying to feed me, it’s the nurses.
“I ate today.” If you call two bites of the sandwich Hart brought me today eating, then yeah, I’ve been eating.
“Okay.” She doesn’t look convinced, but she drops it and moves on. “Well, everything looks good here. I should be a good nurse and tell you that you should head home for some sleep, but you’re not going to listen to me, are you?” She replaces his file and offers me a sad smile, or maybe it’s a hopeful one. It’s hard to read them today.
“No, I’m not.”
“Didn’t think so.” She walks toward the door. “Okay, I’ll come back later. Buzz me if you need anything.” She waves, then leaves us alone again.
Taking Hetch’s hand, I settle back into his side. I don’t know how long I have alongside him. I might get away with it with Avery, but if a doctor catches me, it won’t be good.
Closing my eyes, I take in a deep breath. My heart beats in sync with his, his warmth heating me to the very core. I take in his scent, basking in the memories that filter in and out of my head.
Liberty.
I imagine my name falling from his lips, and it’s the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard.
Lib.
The deep baritone of his voice wraps itself around me and vibrates through me.
“L-Lib?” The word is croaky, more like a question and barely above a whisper, but I still hear it. I still hear him, clearer than the previous times.
Louder.
“Hetch?” I sit up, not trusting my ears. His eyes open, and his face grimaces in pain, but still, he manages one of his dangerous grins.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Time passes without thought as I look down at him. He’s awake. He’s here. He’s talking.
“Y-you. Y-you talked. Oh, my God. Talk some more.” I reach across his body for the nurse call button.
“How long have I been out for?” he rasps, trying to sit up.
“Don’t move. Wait for the nurse to come back.” I gently hold his shoulder so he doesn’t try to sit up again.
He takes my lead and rests back, pulling me down next to him. “How long?” His voice is still barely a croak, but I’m not worried. The man took two bullets to his neck. He’s not going to have too much of a voice for a while.
“You’ve been out three days. How are you feeling?”
“Sore.” He winces a little when his hand finds the bandage on his neck.
“Well, getting shot tends to do that to you.” The tears I thought I managed to keep at bay fall when his beautiful eyes find mine.
He woke up.
Hetch is awake and everything is going to be okay.
We are going to be okay.
“Hey, I’m okay, sweetheart.” I can tell it hurts him to talk, but three days without his voice has taken its toll on me, and right now, it’s like a balm soothing the ache inside of me. Three days of waiting. Three days of not knowing, three days of thinking the worst, pours out of me.
“I was so scared, Hetch. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
“Shhh, sweetheart. I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere.” His words calm me, talking me down from the brink and wrapping around me like a comforting embrace.
“I sh-should call your mom and Kota. The boys. They’ve all been here around the clock, waiting for you to wake up.” Everything rolls over in my head, and I know I need to get up to make those calls, but having him awake in my arms, holding me, makes it hard to move.
“J-just give me a few more minutes.” He doesn’t let go, and I don’t make him. Not even when the nurse comes running to my call and finds him awake. Or when the doctor arrives and checks him over. Holding me harder against his side than he probably should, we stay like that until we’re left alone and exhaustion wins out.
Connected, grounded, and together.
Thirty-Nine
Hetch
“I’ll always be with you. But you need to fight now. You need to let me go and fight for your girl. Fight like you’ve never fought before.”
I wake with a startle, my father’s words ringing in my head as I struggle with a wave of nausea rolling through me.