Delores is quiet. She feels for a chair by the kitchen table and sits. The shadows flee back to their corners and crouch, waiting. Delores puts her hands on her head and slowly rocks herself the way Grandma Merle does in her chair. A sound erupts from her belly. It rises up as though through her air pipes, settling deep inside her throat, and stays. “Yuh turning into yuh sistah more an’ more every day,” she says in a low, raspy voice. “Jus’ like har, yuh becoming a wench, a manipulative, trifling wench!” Delores stands up.
“Mama, Charles was only defending me.”
“Why him need fi defend yuh now if it happen years ago?”
“Because it still affect me.”
Delores comes close to Thandi, her arms open as if to embrace her. Thandi is prepared to rest her head against her mother’s big breasts. She’s ready to drop her shoulders and let her mother rub them, tell her that it will be all right. That Clover got what he deserved. The embrace is a sweet one—one Thandi had forgotten until now. Her mother’s love is as vicious and domineering as her personality. Once it’s felt, there is none other like it. Thandi relaxes in Delores’s embrace, allowing herself to be rocked back and forth like a baby. But then it’s cut short. Slowly, Delores pries Thandi off her and holds her at arm’s length. “I want you to come to yuh senses an’ turn dat boy in. Everything ’appen for a reason, an’ dat was it,” Delores says. “Do it fah all ah we, Thandi.”
“He was defending me.”
“Di devil is a liad. Him kick yuh dung, but it don’t mean yuh can’t get back up an’ use the tool him fling give yuh. What Clover did is history. Something long gaan. So put it behind yuh an’ do the right t’ing.”
“Him is a brute, Mama.”
“Shush! Yuh g’wan pay for cursing di dead.” Delores pulls Thandi closer again and rocks her in her bosom. She smells like the green banana she sliced up. She runs her fingers through Thandi’s hair as she speaks. “You an’ dat bwoy Charles shouldn’t mix in di first place. As me say, if yuh guh pick up wid a street boy, then yuh mus’ at least get something out of it. Forget ’bout what Clover did. Dat won’t set yuh free. Nuff people it happen to an’ it didn’t kill them. What will set yuh free is money. Don’t say me neva teach yuh dat. I send you to school fah good reasons, yes. But is also for you to learn common sense. Yuh t’ink because Charles say him love yuh dat yuh worth something? Yuh t’ink because him say him want yuh dat him mean it? That is not one t’ing him aftah, an’ when him get it, him run? What is dis love, eh? You don’t know nuttin’ ’bout no love. Love is foolish. Yuh eva see love put running wata inna pipe? Yuh eva see love build a roof ovah we head? Yuh eva see love give free education to those children whose parents can’t afford school fee? Yuh eva see love full up we cupboard? Yuh eva see love hand we visa so we can go anyweh, far from dis rat hole? What can love do fah you, eh? How yuh g’wan love a stranger when yuh don’t even know what love is? Him will jus’ tek advantage of yuh an’ walk away. Yuh haffi get yuh return in dollahs, not cents. An’ besides, who g’wan want a na?ve girl like you, eh?
“Suppose him did really want yuh. Could you really love somebody who is an absolute fool when it come on to these t’ings? Somebody who green? Yuh wouldn’t want dat, an’ neither would he. Yuh giving him everything fah free. Boys like chupid girls like dat. Dey tek one look at yuh black face an’ know yuh desperate enough fi spread yuh legs at di first compliment. Dey see yuh true color before yuh tell dem yuh name. Dey know dey can tell yuh anyt’ing an’ yuh black self believe it an’ accept it, ’caw we so use to getting di leftovers. Who yuh know really love a black girl for more than what’s between her legs? Yuh is a pretty black girl, but is my duty as yuh mother to teach yuh dese t’ings. Put somet’ing in yuh head. Chile, yuh know how much yuh coulda get? Ten thousand U.S. dollahs! Dat can tek yuh from here to eternity, pay fah yuh education an’ everyt’ing. Use yuh head, chile. Yuh can’t place more value on dis boy an’ his foolish love over money. If it mean so likkle to you, then you’ll lose everyt’ing. ’Membah dis, nobody love a black girl. Not even harself. Now get up an’ guh get yuh pay.”
31