I walked around to let Sammy out of the car.
“Hi, Mom!” she called out.
Rain crossed her arms over her chest. “Where the hell have you guys been?” she said.
“We went fishing,” I said as we walked up the steps. “Relax.”
“Relax? The camp called because Sammy didn’t show up. You didn’t think you should maybe call me before hitting the high seas?”
“I did call you,” I said. “And left a message.”
“I did too,” Sammy chimed in.
“Sammy, get inside.”
“Mom . . .”
“Inside!”
Sammy paused at the doorway. I smiled at her, and she waved back, this sad little wave, like she didn’t want to be pulled away.
Rain apparently saw her with the eyes in the back of her head, which only made her angrier.
“Inside now!”
Sammy disappeared, Rain drilling me with a look. “How could you do that?”
“Rain, I swear to you, I didn’t think you’d be upset.”
“I picked up the camp’s call before I heard your message. Do you know what that was like for me? I thought that maybe you guys had an accident. I thought you flaked. I didn’t know what had happened.”
“So you had a really rough five seconds?”
“Do you think this is funny?”
“No, I’m sorry, Rain. I thought it would be fun to do a field trip today as opposed to just sitting around the house.”
“Why on earth do you think you get to decide where to take my kid?”
“You let her skip camp.”
“I let her! Not you,” she said. “You don’t get to make those decisions.”
“Rain, she didn’t want to go. And, I’m telling you, she had a great day. She read and got some air, ate some nachos. There’s nothing to be upset about. She had a blast.”
She turned and stormed into the house, slamming the door behind her. “So now you’re the expert on my kid?”
I swung the door open, followed her inside. “I’m helping you with her. How about saying thank you?”
“Please, I could have gotten a college kid to drive Sammy to camp the day after Thomas’s accident,” she said. “Everyone knows who’s helping who here.”
She looked away, which was when I realized why she was so angry. She didn’t want Sammy having a great day. Not with me. It didn’t matter—the day we spent together, the pregnancy. Rain didn’t want Sammy having anything to do with me.
“This was just a mistake, okay?” she said. “I want you to pack your bags and leave.”
“No.”
She shook her head. “No?”
That was right. I wasn’t going anywhere. Maybe it was the pregnancy, maybe it was the trauma. Maybe it was what Ethan had said about me and the peaches and getting honest. But I wanted to stay where I was. At least until I knew where I needed to go.
Rain laughed, bitterly. “What are you even doing here? I mean, really. It’s certainly not to reconnect with us.”
“Maybe it is.”
“Bullshit.”
I looked up toward Sammy’s loft. “Would you keep your voice down?”
Rain ignored me, kept talking loudly. “So what is the play? Getting Chef Z’s approval and using it to reinvent yourself in one way or another, right?”
“And what if it is? You think I should just take this all lying down? Amber stole everything I worked hard for. And, I know, you don’t think it was legitimate work, but I worked hard for it,” I said. “Not that that’s something you’d understand.”
“I don’t work hard?”
I kept my voice low, even if she refused to. “I just think running a hotel isn’t exactly a dream come true for you.”
She looked at me, surprised. Maybe even hurt for a second. Then she laughed, deflecting. “Well, since we’re talking about dreams, which dream did you make come true again?” she said.
“I’m not talking about me, Rain.”
“Are you kidding me? It’s all about you.” She shook her head. “Just because you think the picture would be prettier if I had an impressive career doesn’t mean I’m not happy. Did it ever occur to you that if you weren’t living in fear of other people’s opinions of you, no one would have the power to take anything away?”
“Is that right?”
“It is, as a matter of fact.”
I looked up toward the loft, moved toward my sister. “So why are you so scared to hear other people’s opinion about your kid?” I whispered.
She reached for my arm, pulling me back out to the porch. “Excuse me?”
“That’s why you took her out of camp, right?” I said. “Because the counselor had the gall to tell you that Sammy is special? That she needs special things?”
“So in all of your experience with Sammy, you’ve already reached the conclusion a woman you don’t know is correct, and her mother is wrong? That I haven’t considered what my kid needs?”
“Rain, don’t hold her back.”
“Right. ’Cause staying here is holding her back. Staying with her mother is holding her back.”
“So go with her. There are hotels you could run in New York.”
“It’s not that simple. I like it here. I’ve built a home here. I have a relationship here. It may not be sexy, or get us a television show, but some of us value building a home somewhere.”
“You don’t think it’s weird that yours is five feet away from where you grew up?”
That stopped her. She got quiet. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I paused, knowing I shouldn’t say it, that there were some lines you shouldn’t cross. But she was so mean, and I was so tired. I couldn’t seem to stop myself.
“I don’t know. I recall certain rules about never being away from this property for more than a few hours at a time. Never, ever sleeping off the property for any reason.”
“That is so out of line.”
“Taking the steps down to the ocean every other day. Getting the mail at five P.M. at the edge of the driveway. Eating dinner on Sundays facing the ocean. Feel free to interrupt me if I’m forgetting any. Maybe you have some rules now about never venturing far from the life Dad set up? Or maybe you’re a little more like him than you want to admit?”
She looked right at me—so angry, so hurt—like she couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe that I still had the power to affect her.
“Ten minutes to get your things and get out of my house,” she said.
Then she turned and walked away.
36
I sped down the driveway, my belongings hastily thrown into the passenger seat, and drove to 28, fighting back tears. Sometimes you’re glad you got something off your chest. This wasn’t one of those times. I was sorry I’d said any of it. I hadn’t meant it, really. Rain was just coming at me so hard, and even when I thought I was doing something right—giving Sammy a fun day, not taking the easy way out—she still would hit me for it.