“Of course.”
“And I’d bawl my eyes out at yours, so you see, we have feelings for each other. We’re friends, of course we do.”
“Yes, the operative word being “friends”. If we had sex it would change things, and I don’t want to lose you.”
“You wouldn’t lose me. I promise.”
No, but you’d lose me. Because I knew without a doubt that if I slept with Trev, I’d fall in love with him irrevocably. No strings attached wouldn’t work, because there was an entire labyrinth of strings between us. Well, at least on my end there were.
I shook my head. “Why do you even want this? I’m sure there’ll be dozens of girls at this rave you could sleep with.”
Trev scratched his head, his expression thoughtful. “Promise you won’t laugh?”
“I won’t laugh, I promise.”
“Well, I’m been having trouble with women lately. Specifically, I’ve been having trouble with my sex drive in that I haven’t had one. Every time I try to shag a girl, I just don’t feel it. Instead I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”
I sucked in a breath, my heart beating double time. “About me?”
He brought his hand up to my shoulder, gave it a squeeze then slid his hand down my arm. “Yeah, like, the way you wear those long flowy dresses that cover everything up except a hint of cleavage. I imagine what you’d look like under them. Or when I watch you sing, I will you to open your eyes and look at me. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe with it.”
My skin heated at his words, because he had no idea that I used to think of him in exactly the same way. If we were sitting closely on the couch, I’d imagine him throwing me down and kissing me. Or if he touched my hand I’d wish for him to hold it, to prolong the contact in any small way. It was a pity he was having these feelings two years too late, because I’d gone through all that and come out the other end. I couldn’t go back there. For the sake of my sanity, I just couldn’t.
“I can’t sleep with you, Trev. I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”
He leaned his body into mine again. His hard dips and lines somehow fit perfectly to my rounded curves. His mouth bent to my ear as he whispered, “Don’t pretend like you can’t feel this. Imagine how it would be. All this tension that’s been building up for years finally having an outlet. I bet you’d blow my mind. I bet it would be fucking epic.”
I trembled at his low, husky words, momentarily lost in a lust-filled haze before his meaning sank in. Building up for years. Had he known I’d wanted him all this time and simply ignored it for whatever fucked up reason? Fury simmered just below the surface as I summoned all my strength and finally pushed away from him.
“You’re a prick,” I spat and kept walking in the direction of the music. The further I got down the steps, the more I could hear voices and the sounds of people having fun.
“Reya, what the hell?” Trev called, catching up and grabbing me by the arm.
“Leave me alone. I need a drink.”
“Why are you so angry all of a sudden?”
At this I spun around to face him. “I’m angry because you just gave yourself away. All this time you’ve known I fancied you, yet you just kept stringing me along, giving me crumbs of friendship when you knew I liked you as more.”
Trev swore under his breath. “It’s more complicated than that.”
I let out a joyless laugh. “Oh, sure.”
Turning back around, I continued down the steps until I entered the platform. The place was packed with people, a makeshift bar set up at one end and a dancefloor at the other. Some people danced, while others stood around drinking and talking, or well, shouting to be heard.
Music blared loud from the speakers and determination formed within me. I had the power now. All those of years of sleeping around had finally jaded Trev to the point where he’d opened his eyes and seen what was right in front of him.
Well, I wasn’t going to just roll over and let him have me, not after all the nights I spent nursing a broken heart and coming to terms with the fact that I just wasn’t his type.
Tonight I was going to find a man and I was going to have sex with him. I was going to find a man who meant nothing to me, just like all those girls who Trev chose instead of me meant nothing to him. I was going to give him a taste of his own medicine.
I got a double vodka from the bar and knocked it back quickly, then asked for another. Across the way Trev moved through the crowd, his eyes on me. I looked away, swallowed down my second drink, then headed for the dancefloor. I lost myself amid the gyrating bodies, soon soliciting the attention of a tall blond guy. He danced beside me for a bit then placed his hands on my hips and we swayed together to the music.
Barely a second later someone caught my hand and tugged me away from the guy. I was vaguely aware of his complaints, but then Trev’s scent invaded my senses and it was all I could focus on. God, why was everything about him so intoxicating?
The vodka hit me hard as he tugged me to a semi-private corner of the platform. When he stopped I looked up at him. I’d never seen him so conflicted. He looked hurt and somehow terrified, and in spite of my previous resolution, all I wanted to do was hug him and make him feel okay. I tried to tamp down the urge.
“What?” I said over the weight of the music.
He only stared at me, chewing his lip until it bled.
“Oh for God’s sake, I’m going home.”
I turned around but he grabbed me, wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my back flush with his front. He brought his mouth to my ear and shouted, “I have ADHD!”
I jolted at the confession, then frowned and twisted in his arms. What was I supposed to say to that? Trev tilted his head in the direction of the bathrooms and I followed him. It was quieter out there so we could talk more easily.
I studied him and he appeared uncharacteristically embarrassed. “Did you just say you have ADHD?”
He stared at the wall above my head. “You know how me and the boys were contacted to do that TV show?”
I nodded. Trev, alongside a few of his free-running buddies, had been trying for a TV deal for a while now. In fact, he’d had the idea since the very first time I met him. Recently, they’d caught the attention of a television executive with their Youtube videos. Now they were working out the logistics of filming a TV show, where they travelled around different cities pulling off parkour stunts. It still wasn’t set in stone, but it was an exciting opportunity for him nonetheless. “Yeah, what about it?”
“Well, as part of the preliminaries we had to undergo a psych evaluation. You know, to make sure we’re all psychologically stable enough to spend several months travelling around in a tour bus together. Turns out I’ve had undiagnosed ADHD from childhood and they want me to start taking medication for it.”