He’s mine.
Finn leaves with another load for the truck, and I turn back to find Lottie watching me with an unreadable expression. “What?” I ask, then flush. “Sorry about all the PDA,”
“It’s not that.” She shakes her head slowly. “I was just thinking, that’s all. I’m glad you guys found each other again. Watching you.” She gives a sigh. “I guess it reminds me what that kind of love is like, that’s all.”
She turns back to Kit, bouncing him gently in his arms, but I can see the moment of wistfulness on her face. I don’t know whether she’s remembering the past, or hoping for the future, but I feel a pang for her.
“You’ll find it, too.” I cross the room and hug her. “I promise. You’ll know what it’s like to feel this way, one day.”
Lottie looks self conscious. She shakes it off, and gives me a big smile. “For now, you need to live it for the both of us. Promise me you’ll go crazy, stay out all night on romantic dates, and have sex all day, every day.”
I laugh. “That won’t leave much time for eating, or sleeping.”
“Who needs sleep?” She grins. “When you’ve got a superstar in your bed.”
After the last box is stashed away in the back of the moving truck, I slide my arms around Finn’s waist and smile. “Almost done,” he says.
“There’s just a goodbye party, three days’ drive, and all the unpacking to do.” I sigh, leaning in for a kiss. “Although I still don’t know why we can’t drive straight through. It wouldn’t take longer than a day.”
Finn brushes his thumb across my lower lip. “I wasn’t thinking so much about the days as the nights,” he says, moving closer to murmur in my ear. “I want to fuck you in every state between here and New York City.”
My blood races. “Well, in that case, why don’t we take the long way around?” I grin. “California’s on the way, right?”
He laughs, and yanks the doors down. “What time is everyone coming over?”
I check my phone. “Not for another hour. It’ll be pretty casual,” I add. “Just Delilah, Edith, some people from town. Everyone wants to say goodbye.”
Finn pauses. “If we’ve got the time, will you do something with me?”
“Of course. What’s up?”
He gives me a shadowed smile. “There’s someplace I need to go.”
I squeeze his hand. “Whatever you want. I’m here.”
I borrow the keys to the minivan from Lottie, and Finn gets behind the wheel. We drive through town, past the stores and houses. I wonder where Finn’s taking me, until he pulls up outside the church that stands on a patch of land bordering the woods
Beside it sits the graveyard, quiet and shaded with old oak trees.
Finn turns off the engine, but doesn’t move. He exhales with a sigh. “I’ve been putting it off since the day he died,” he says quietly. “Bill said it was a good service. Proper, at least.”
“It was.” He looks at me in surprise. “I thought I should be there,” I say softly, remembering that day and how few people showed up. “For you.”
He squeezes my hand, then gets out of the car. I follow, but he stops me. “Give me a minute?” he asks.
“Take as long as you need.”
Finn nods, and then walks slowly through the small gate, down the pathway lined with headstones. I watch from the shade of the trees as he carefully picks his way through the graves, until at last he finds what I know is a simple black stone, carved into the granite. Hank McKay. 1965 – 2014.
Finn kneels down beside the grave. I can see his shoulders tense, his lips moving. My heart aches for him. All my goodbyes will be later, full of laughter and good wishes, but for Finn, this is the one farewell he needs to make more than anything. We’ll be back, for holidays and visits, and I know he wants so badly to be able to enjoy those moments without feeling the pressing burden of the past.
He deserves to be free from all that pain.
Not for the first time, I wonder what I would have done if Finn hadn’t strolled back into my life again. How long would I have stayed in my limbo and let my darkest, weakest moments define me? It makes me shiver to think of it, how close I came to wasting all my chances and throwing my future away.
I didn’t realize it, but I was still broken. He was the only one who could help me put the pieces together again.
After a long while, Finn straightens up. He places a hand briefly on his father’s headstone, then turns and starts the walk back to me. I can tell already, something’s shifted. He seems steadier, his pace stronger, and when he’s close enough for me to see the expression on his face, there’s an acceptance there that fills my heart with joy.
“Okay?” I ask, searching his eyes.
He nods, and reaches for me, pulling me into a tight hug. “Thank you,” he whispers against my hair.
“What for?”
“Bringing me back here,” he answers, voice gruff with emotion. “Making me see, I need to let go.”