I’m not entirely certain he’s referring to the weather, but I shake my head again and then force a smile. “It’s blowing east. We’re going west. We’ll be fine.”
Across the courtyard, Bellanca detaches herself from a teary Lystra and then goes to her already saddled horse. Actually, it’s Piers’s horse. Bellanca decided the gelding was better suited to the long journey ahead than her aging mare and simply appropriated him. The horse’s roan coat clashes magnificently with her fiery hair. As usual, the red locks still spark here and there. Even in the damp wind and coiled into tight braids on the top of her head, she can’t seem to put them out. I don’t know how she sleeps at night without catching her bed on fire. Sitting up? Maybe she takes her own advice and doesn’t sleep at all.
Recalling the scene in the kitchen this morning makes me think of Flynn’s pressure-heavy words again.
“Do you think I’m some kind of invincible warrior?” I blurt out, feeling pretty vincible at the moment. Half the time, I just want to curl up around Little Bean and protect her. And I keep staring off into space.
“What do you mean, invincible warrior?” Kato asks.
Before I can answer, his cloak billows open on the breeze, and I see that his leather armor is new. There’s a golden phoenix etched into the tough boar’s hide. The artistry is outstanding, and I can almost see the bird in motion, raising its proud head as it spreads its burning wings. It’s an indomitable creature, one that will always rise from the ashes, renewed by fire.
My pulse speeds up. I think I have my answer in the message Kato chose to write across his chest.
“I’m not sure exactly,” I say, my gaze still locked on the phoenix. “Do you feel like when I’m there, we’ll always win? Like no one will get hurt?”
Kato’s big hands settle on my shoulders, squeezing lightly. “We all get hurt, and you’re no exception.”
I glance down, worrying my bottom lip. The Agon Games weren’t kind to Kato, Griffin, or me. They were even harder on Carver, who nearly lost his life.
“But what about the outcome?” I ask, looking back up. “The end result?”
His hands drop away after another encouraging squeeze. “I don’t know if we’re always going to win. I don’t think even the Gods know that. But I know you, and I know the lengths you’ll go to. I’ve seen what your body can endure. And how you’ll go one step farther when you’ve already got nothing left to give. And then another. And then more. I gave up hope when we got separated in the ice caves, and I thought you’d died. I gave up hope again when you got destroyed by the Hydra and stopped breathing before our eyes.”
He looks up and over my head, and I know the memory still pains him. Sometimes it still pains me—popping skin, breaking bones, tumbling sky. Fear.
“But you came back every time,” Kato says. “Stronger. Less reckless. More powerful. Wiser than before.”
“Wiser? Well, that wouldn’t be hard.”
“And do you know what I learned?” he asks, ignoring my self-mocking tone.
I shake my head, already maybe knowing, and kind of dreading his next words.
“To never give up hope.”
The air suddenly feels too thick for my lungs. Or maybe it’s just me who can’t breathe. “Hope?”
Kato’s cloak snaps behind him on the growing wind, leaving the phoenix exposed to me. “You told us about Elpis before the Games, before we named our team after her.”
I swallow with difficulty. “Her? Elpis is an idea.”
He shakes his head. “It’s more than that. It’s an idea with a woman’s form. It’s something to latch on to.”
“It’s all ancient history most people don’t even know anymore.”
“But you brought the idea back,” Kato insists. “Brought her back—into hearts and minds. Back to Thalyria. And now everyone’s speaking it at once. Calling it in the streets. Using it as a greeting. Chanting it at our gates.” His eyes meet mine. Striking. Blue. Devoted. “Now… I don’t know. You’re Elpis to me.”
So much churns inside me that I can’t separate my thoughts from my emotions. I didn’t tell anyone about my Elpis discovery, not even Griffin. It just felt like too much pressure. The weight of the world. But it seems as though Kato figured it out all on his own, probably long before I did. And Flynn did, too, without putting it into so many words. And there’s no doubt in my mind that Griffin knows also, however he chooses to think of it. He’s known longer than any of us.
But Kato is terrifying me. He’s raising me too high. “What if I fail?”
Kato looks at me with such sincerity, such platonic affection, that my chest squeezes tight.
“You’ll still be my light in the dark, Cat. Even if you fail.”
I inhale sharply, fighting the tears that always seem so close to the surface lately. Answering him is impossible. If I do, emotion will overwhelm me.
Blinking rapidly, I look around. The courtyard is unusually quiet, despite our gathering here. Flynn stands near his horse, his auburn brows drawn low, trying without much success to keep his brooding gaze off of Jocasta. From the looks of it, Jocasta is glancing Flynn’s way just as often while still trying to pay attention to Griffin and Carver as well. Next to her, Kaia keeps looking at us, but I know it’s Kato she’s watching.
Having said her brief goodbyes, Ianthe is already at the gate. The guards have cleared a path for us, the crowd is waiting for our passage with bated breath, and Ianthe looks more than ready to leave the castle that’s been more or less her prison for the last several months. She’s riding Galen Tarva’s enormous black warhorse. He’s far too big for her—even bigger than Griffin’s Brown Horse—and bad-tempered and jumpy to boot, but Ianthe wouldn’t ride any other. If my terrible suspicion about Galen’s abuse is correct, she’s taking control of what’s between her legs. I fear it’s symbolic, whether she realizes it or not.
Bellanca mounts the roan, settling lightly and expertly into her saddle. She slaps at her sparking hair again, going cross-eyed when an ember pops and then sizzles toward her nose.
I smile, and it feels good. I haven’t smiled enough lately.
Bellanca fishes in her saddlebag and then jams a floppy hat onto her head, maybe to smother the fire. “Gods, are we going or what?”
Beside me, Kato chuckles as he nods toward Bellanca. “I like her.”
“I do, too.” I reach out and grab his wrist. “And thank you.”
His eyebrows rise in question. “For what?”
“For being the brother I never had.”
His face loses all trace of humor. We’re not related, neither by blood nor by marriage, but that doesn’t matter. My heart knows the truth.
Kato lifts his free hand and ruffles my hair. He pats my head, and I know what that means. It means he loves me, too.
CHAPTER 9