But Kate knew it was him. She ran to the bathroom where she emptied the paltry contents of her stomach, the bitter taste of bile coating her mouth. She flushed and wiped her face with the back of her hand.
For as much as she’d worried about the things Ian was involved in and those who might want to find him, she’d never once worried about the one thing she should have: that he was not actually a superhero and was no less mortal than she or anyone else. In Kate’s mind, Ian was invincible. Larger than life. To lose him in something as ordinary as a car accident was perhaps the most unexpected blow of all. Feeling hollow and empty, she laid her head on the floor and wished she could disappear. Just wither up and float away.
But floating made her think of water, and it was then she realized that the reason Ian hadn’t called and the app said Offline was because his phone had likely been carried away by the current of the cold and muddy Mississippi River.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
After sitting on the floor of the bathroom for an indeterminable amount of time, Kate called her mom. She needed Diane’s comfort more than anything, but she knew the minute she made the call everything would become real.
“Ian’s dead,” she said when her mother answered. She was crying so hard she wasn’t sure Diane could understand her.
But she must have, because Diane choked back a gasp and said, “Ian? What happened? Were you with him? Are you okay?”
Kate interrupted her, the words tumbling out in one long sentence. “Mom, I don’t know anything other than someone hit him and it was icy and his car went over the embankment into the river and I need you to come right now please please come okay?”
“Honey, listen to me. I’m going to hang up and call the airline. Is there someone who can stay with you until I arrive?”
She hadn’t contacted any of her friends because she knew the last name of Merrick would not tie Ian back to her, so there was no reason to start making calls quite yet. Although she barely remembered doing it, she had called Helena and was overjoyed when she got her voice mail. Kate had marshaled her strength and managed to leave a message about being sick and asked Helena to take over until she felt better.
“I don’t want anyone but you,” Kate said.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
When Kate hung up, she reached for the phone Ian had given her. She had been waiting for it to ring. Surely someone would call her, would deliver the news personally. It wasn’t fair that she’d had to drive by the aftermath, see it on the news.
But no one would know to call her because she was not linked to Ian in any way.
He’d made sure of that.
Even if his phone had been recovered, which was doubtful, it probably wouldn’t work. Had someone from the FBI field office identified Ian? Had they heard about the crash and recognized his vehicle? Would they know how to contact his mother? Ian said she’d remarried, but Kate didn’t know her current last name or if she still lived in Amarillo. She didn’t know what to do, where to start. Maybe she should go to the police. Tell them who she was and what she knew? She thought of Ian’s body lying in a drawer somewhere, alone and so cold. She squeezed her eyes shut, but the image remained.
He preferred texting over calling and rarely used voice mail. But Kate had saved one of the few messages he’d left her, and she hit the button to listen to it.
“Hey, sweetness. Just left my place. I’ve been thinking about you all day. Be there soon. Love you.”
She listened to it over and over and cried for the next hour.
In the bedroom she found one of his sweatshirts in the hamper and pulled it out. She put it on over her shirt and tucked her face down under the neckline, breathing in the smell of him. It was the wrong thing to do and only brought on a round of fresh sobbing because Kate would never smell him again.
Never feel his arms around her.
Never kiss his lips.
Never see his smile.