Heart-Shaped Hack

“No, they cut them off when they hand you the keys. Of course you’d still have your balls. What kind of question is that? This conversation has gotten way off track.”


“You mean because we started out talking about my car and now we’re talking about my balls?”

“Are we?”

“I believe so.”

“Maybe we should go back to talking about your car.”

“You want to drive it, don’t you?”

“Why would I want to drive your car?”

“Why wouldn’t you want to drive my car? Can you handle a stick shift?”

“Yes, and rather competently I might add.”

“That’s an enormous turn-on. Truly.”

She pretended not to hear him. “This is not a good car for Minnesota winters.”

“Horrible, I agree. My other car has four-wheel drive, but it’s not nearly as fun to operate as this one.” Ian dangled the keys in front of her.

He was right. Kate was dying to drive his car and couldn’t wait to see how it handled. She took the keys, opened the door, and reached over to unlock the passenger side for Ian. They belted up, and she started the car.

“Please note that I’m already making good on my promise, Katie. Because I assure you, driving this car will be the opposite of boring.”



Kate maneuvered the car through the city streets, familiarizing herself with the dashboard and getting a feel for the clutch. To his credit, Ian remained calm, not giving her any pointers or questioning her driving skills in the least. Heads turned as they drove by, and Kate felt like she was on display.

“People are looking at us,” she said.

“No one is looking at us.”

“Everyone we’ve driven by has looked at us.”

“They’re probably just looking at you.”

“Yes, I’m sure that’s it.” She adjusted the mirror. “Do you care if I take this out on the open road?”

“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”

Kate made her way down University Avenue toward the Central Avenue intersection where she would pick up Highway 65.

“My first car was a stick,” she said. “I wanted to pull my hair out when I was learning, but now that I drive an automatic, I really miss it. We did a lot of driving back home, and my girlfriends and I spent many Saturday nights driving too fast down dark country roads, looking for the party. I’m from Indiana. Zionsville to be specific. It’s near Indianapolis. I moved here for my undergrad at the University of Minnesota and then stayed for law school. My parents and my brother Chad still live there. Or did you already know that?”

He gave her a look that said Aren’t you cute?

Kate chuckled at her naiveté. “Of course. What was I thinking?”

“Any plans to move back?”

“Probably not. I like it here, and I see my family often. Either they come to visit me or I fly home. What about you? How does a native Texan end up in frigid Minnesota?”

“I was just passing through and decided to stay. I own a computer security company and work from home, so I can live anywhere I want.”

“That’s fantastic!” Kate tried to hide her relief at the revelation that Ian was involved in something other than illegal activities, but she wasn’t very convincing.

“Oh my God,” Ian said. “You really did think I was some kind of common thug.”

Kate shook her head vehemently. “No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did,” he said, mimicking her.

Kate decided to come clean. “Well, can you blame me? You’re all ‘I hack whoever and whatever I want,’ and then you swoop in with bags of cash which you freely admit you’ve stolen.”

“I have my reasons for stealing from cyberthieves, but it isn’t because I need their money. I have a substantial income of my own, which I obtain via highly legitimate means. And I like cash because it isn’t traceable. You really shouldn’t assume, Katie.”

“So what is it that you do, exactly?”

“I specialize in penetration testing. Pentesting for short. I’m incredibly good at it.”

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