The idea of it is almost too horrible to bear, because that means there was so much time fucking wasted. So much misery that could have been avoided, and oh, fuck…my refusal to give in to my renewed feelings for her. All borne of my inner demon-child who was still bitter and angry, and perhaps wanted to punish Vale.
Turning my back on Avery, I scrub both hands through my hair, trying to think. How did I not get her voicemails? My mind races, trying to remember what was going on in my life those first few weeks after I got to Pittsburgh. I started training camp, moved into an apartment. Went out partying with my new teammates, fucked around and tried to purge Vale from my mind.
And then it hit me as clear as day. I had lost my phone on one of those early nights living the high life in my new city. Had gone out, got drunk, fucked some chick, and ended up staying all night at her apartment. I snuck out the next morning and it wasn’t until about midday that I realized I didn’t have my phone. I assumed I left it at her place and didn’t want to go back for it. So I went out with my new money burning a hole in my bank account and bought the newest and most high-speed smartphone out there. I got a new number, proud of my new Pittsburgh area code, and I only gave it out to my teammates and family.
“Son of a fucking bitch,” I groan out as I look up toward the sky, clasping my hands on top of my head. My lungs constrict and I feel on the verge of hyperventilating.
“Are you seriously trying to act like you didn’t know?” Avery asks skeptically, but I can hear the heat has gone of out of her voice.
I don’t turn back to look at her, but continue staring up at the sky. It’s dark and cloud covered, not even the moon visible. It makes the gulf between me and Vale seem very bleak at this point.
“I lost my phone not long after I got to Pittsburgh,” I say quietly. “I got a new one. New number.”
“But her email,” she presses.
“Never saw it. Got a new email too,” I say, the urge to bend over and vomit now hitting me hard. “Got a whole new fucking life and never looked back.”
“Oh,” Avery says quietly, and I can clearly hear the pity in her voice right now.
“That sucks, dude,” Oliver says.
Yeah, this fucking sucks, and my knees almost buckle as I realize that Vale had already forgiven me for that. She let that go and didn’t hold it against me. She was honestly trying to make a new and fresh start with me. She gave in to feelings and emotion, and she let herself love me again without an ounce of regret or fear, even thinking I had ignored her attempts.
She’s completely the bigger person of the two of us. That’s one thing Avery got right.
Spinning around, I look at Avery, daring her to lie to me. “Where is she?”
She blinks at me in surprise but immediately says, “At Dave’s house. They’re decorating their Christmas tree.”
I spin back around and trot down the steps, reaching into my pocket for the key to the rental car I got at the airport. Calling over my shoulder, I say, “Tell your mom I’m sorry but I can’t stay for dinner.”
I hear Oliver’s laugh, hearty and pleased, and then I leave that all behind.
I’ve got some major groveling to do if I’m going to get my girl back.
Chapter 28
Vale
“I can’t believe how good these cookies are,” I say as I take another one from the plate sitting on the coffee table. Just one more, I promise myself.
“Makes up for the completely dried-out pork roast, right?” my dad says with a chuckle as he carefully places a metallic green glass ball on the tree.
“It wasn’t that bad,” I say kindly, but oh, wow…it was bad. No wonder I’m eating my fifth cookie of the night.
“Baking is apparently my forte,” he muses, choosing to accept my kind sentiment about what was possibly the world’s worst roast.
“You be in charge of baking, I’ll take back cooking duties.”
“Deal,” he agrees, and reaches into the box for another ornament. As he places a hook through the small wire loop, his voice takes on a bit of a dreamy cast. “I know you probably can’t remember, but decorating the tree is one of my best memories of your mom. She loved this stuff so much.”
I smile sadly, because my memories of her are so faded. It just seems like it was always dad and me together, my memories of her coming at the hands of dad’s sentimental recollections. But I know their love was true. He never sought anyone else after she was gone, preferring not to fight a losing battle in the quest to find that perfect love again.
And boy, do I understand that sad thought. I know I might be shortsighted at the moment, but I can’t imagine finding anyone else like Hawke. I think he was the perfect one for me. Well, at least I thought that until I realized his power of forgiveness just isn’t that strong, and unfortunately, that’s a deal breaker.