He stopped talking and turned away. I waited a few moments, not sure what to do, and then thought to hell with it. When I laid my hand on his back, I hit a wall of rock.
He flinched and I heard his sharp intake of breath. “I can’t even tell you how many men I’ve hurt in the name of club business. You asked me where I got the name Havoc… I’ve caused a lot of it along the way. My real name’s Callum, but the club named me Havoc after one particularly violent night,” he continued, not giving me his eyes. “And I make no apologies for it, Carla. It is who I am now.”
“I’m not asking you to change anything about yourself. I’m not asking you to even tell me about that stuff. All I’m asking is for you to open yourself up to me.”
Silence hung between us and I wondered if it was actually possible to crack through his walls. I knew he’d had at least one relationship with a woman in his life—the blonde who’d gone to his house one morning when I’d been there—but I didn’t know the depth of that relationship.
Maybe he’s closed off and unable to give me more than he has.
“My grandfather was not a good man.” He gave me his eyes and the pain I saw there stole my breath. “I was too young and dumb to understand shit at first, but the older I got, the more I realised he wasn’t who I thought he was. The day I caught him double-crossing Storm in an effort to make some quick cash was the day I finally acknowledged his true colours. And the day I found my mother half beaten to death by him, by her own father, because she begged him to stop what he was doing so that it wouldn’t have any impact on me, was the day I crossed that line of no return.” He paused to take a breath. “My mother died a day later from that beating and I didn’t hesitate to take his life in return.”
As his words spilled from his lips, his body sagged a little. His eyes never left mine and I kept my gaze on him, wanting to let him know I wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t have any knowledge about how Storm operated, but my own personal beliefs and values were such that I believed in loyalty and family and looking out for those you loved. I also believed in an eye-for-an-eye. If you fucked with me or those I loved, be ready for me to fuck back.
I didn’t usually struggle for words, but I had none. What did you say to someone who’d been through what Havoc had? Instead, I decided to give him the one thing that he seemed to crave the most: touch.
Reaching my hand up, I curled it around his neck and pulled his mouth to mine. When our lips met, he opened his mouth and let me in. His pain flowed between us and I held him tighter. I could never take that pain from him, but I could try to make the weight less of a burden.
I could give him love.
God knew he needed it.
Ending the kiss, he rested his forehead against mine. “I’ve never told anyone outside of the club or my family that before.”
“What about your ex? You never told her?”
He lifted his head and I saw the scowl on his face. “That bitch walked away from me just before it happened.”
“And she never came back to make sure you were okay?”
He shook his head. “No. I lost my business and all my money, and Kelly decided I wasn’t good enough for her anymore. She walked away without a backwards glance and shacked up with some other guy who had more cash than me. Five years of history and I never heard from her again. Not until I returned to Brisbane just recently and that was two years after she left.”
Anger filled me that a woman could do that to a man. And my heart broke that he’d lost his partner, his business, his wealth, his mother and his grandfather all around the same time. No wonder his walls were up.
“You know… come to think of it, I did think you were being rude to her that morning she dropped by your house. Makes sense now.”
My statement caused a shift in his mood. When he spoke, his words were lighter, with a tinge of sarcasm. “You think?”
A slow smile spread across my lips. “Well, at the time I just thought you were being your usual assholey don’t-fuck-with-me self, but now I see it differently.”
He shook his head as he gave me the beginning of a smile. “Fuck, how do you do that?”
“Do what?”
He gripped my waist and pulled me to him. “That thing you do where you manage to crash through my anger or whatever shitty mood I’m in and drag a smile out. That thing that makes me feel shit I haven’t felt in years.”
I beamed. “I’m a woman of many talents. You should know that by now.”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah, I’m starting to realise that, darlin’.”
“Thank you for telling me all that stuff.” My voice was soft, but it held the emotion I was feeling. He’d shared a part of himself with me that he hadn’t shared with many other people.
He trailed a finger across my lips.
His touch held none of the Havoc I knew.
This was a new kind of touch.
Soft.
Gentle.
Affectionate.