“After New York,” I say. My promise is clear and the shudder than runs through Amber’s body tells me that she recognizes it as just that. I’ve been promising her another baby after we get back from New York— and by we, I mean the club. The mother of my children isn’t stepping foot outside of Fort Bragg. I just haven’t told her that I still don’t plan on taking her with me. The boys and I— mostly— agreed that it’s best that our old ladies stay behind. That way, just in case anything goes wrong, our kids have one parent left. There was a bit of disagreement over the decision— especially from Ian— but he didn’t push the subject.
It’s different for him. Mindy can’t have kids. He’s not a father. His woman is still healing from the shit she went through and she’s doing it in a seriously fucked way. He can’t possibly understand what he’d be asking the rest of us to agree to. Holly is a fighter and so is Alex. But they still carry the emotional scars of what they went through. And Nic has a baby. There’s no way in hell that Duke would ever let her leave their daughter. It would be too complicated and far too messy on a personal level to bring a single woman on the trip. Not even Ruby is coming. It’s a dick move— letting our women think they’re coming with us— but it’s better than fighting it out with them until we leave.
My eyes scan the park, searching for my baby girl. My body settles when I find her. She’s running around with a cake smeared face and a little baby bullhorn in her hand. She’s spent most of the day following Zander around until he got boring and she locked her traitorous little eyes on Jeremy. I don’t know what it is about the fucking prick, but the girls love him. The moment Piper ran up and blew the bullhorn at him, Jeremy had bent down and scooped her up in his arms and tickled the hell out of her. The look Chey gave him set off alarm bells in my head, making it impossible to stifle the laugh that erupted when I noticed Grady watching her with alarm as well. The girl has another year left of school before she’s home for good, but judging from the way she’s checking out Baby Boy, it won’t be too long before she makes Grady a grandfather. Fuckin’ kids.
“Daddy!” Piper screams from where she’s standing by the slide. My first instinct is to check that she’s okay and when I determine that she is, I loosen my hold on her momma and kiss her head. With a soft pat to my woman’s ass, I head over for our daughter. She tries to convince me to take her down the slide, but when I try to fit at the top of the play structure, it creaks and moans in an unhealthy fashion and I give up the feat. Instead, I offer to hold her hand as she slides down herself. We repeat this act again and again until she gets tired of me and toddles off to find somebody new and more interesting, likely somebody who can fit on the slide without breaking the damn thing. But now she’s got her big eyes on me and she’s running toward us. She stumbles on the grass before picking herself up, abandoning the bullhorn on the ground, and continuing on her journey. I meet her halfway and scoop her tiny body up into my arms and hold her like my life depends on it. I have to remind myself to be careful not to squish her.
“I gotta poop,” she says in a baby style shouty whisper in my ear. Laughter escapes me as I revel in her innocence. I’m still not so good with the potty training stuff, so I turn to Amber and silently plead for help. My hands are so big and the kid is so small. Piper starts wiggling in my arms and making some noises that tell me it’s too late. Her momma’s in for a messy pull-up.
“With the next one, I’m not changing a single shitty diaper.” Amber’s eyes are narrowed but her tone holds no venom as she takes Piper from me. Shaking off the lingering smell of baby poop, I search for Zander who is now standing by himself near a tree off to the side of the cluster of people at the swings. His eyes are distant as he watches our family of misfits, felons, and killers gathering around the next generation of Forsaken.
My brothers smile at one another, their old ladies, and their kids in a way I haven’t seen in a damn long time. Their old ladies seem to be relaxed for the first time in almost two years. Their kids rush around and play recklessly, yelling loudly, letting all of the pure joy of childhood burst out of them. Everything we do, all the illegal shit, and all the violence that we endure because of it— it’s all fucking worth it in this moment. Watching these kids be kids and feel safe and protected. Knowing their daddies and mommies will lay down their lives to keep them safe.
From the middle of the crowd, Chey waves at Zander, trying to bring him into the fold. He shrugs her off, but her smile never fades. She says something to Holly— a woman she’s not known very long, but is still her mother in every way that matters— and the kid looks whole. She always looked like she was missing something until Holly came along.
Fuck. Fatherhood is turning me into some kind of ginormous pussy.