But it’s us, and for the first time in forever, we’re a family. I’d never say it to my kids—because they’re my entire world—but without Wyatt here, there was always something missing. Since the day Zander was born, we’ve been a family, just him and me. Neither of us knew what we were doing, but we knew we loved each other, and that helped us make it through that first year. I was unprepared, insane, depressed, and probably not a very good mother. But I kept the kid alive, and for a girl who was seventeen at the time, I guess that means something.
I might not know where Wyatt and I stand, but I do know where we stand with our kids. We’re their parents. We even headed down to Fort Bragg High School as a family to register Zander. To say the kid’s thrilled about Grady’s old lady being his student advocate would be an understatement. I think he thinks he’s going to get special privileges or something. He won’t, but I guess he’s got to try. It’s such a small thing, but when Wyatt wrote himself down as Zander’s dad, my belly got all fluttery. It’s just one more thing that tells me he’s changed. Maybe one day I’ll really believe it.
Wyatt’s growing into the dad role really well, and if I’m being honest, it kind of scares me. We’ve had two weeks of perfect. I know that fucked up is right around the corner, and that makes me uneasy and on guard when he’s around. He knows it, too. At first, he was calling me on it, but then he stopped, and I was grateful until I started to worry that it meant he doesn’t care if I let him in or not. The two times I tried to talk to him, he blew me off for Piper. I’d be a shitty mom if I got mad about that, so I just kept my mouth shut and walked away.
It’s a good thing, I tell myself. It really is. Pip’s been buddying up to her dad the way I always imagined she would. It was slow going at first, but now she seeks him out. He’s never made it to the house before she has gotten up, but she still wakes up looking for him. The closest he came to seeing her wake up was the morning after she’d been up all night and we’d fallen asleep on the couch. I almost suggested he just stay over after he told me that it kills him that he’s never even seen her wake up. And fuck if that didn’t just kill me, too. I can’t just invite him over to my dad’s house, though. Especially not if I don’t want him sleeping in my bed. I don’t think he’d want to anyway, because he’s never invited us to his place. I don’t even know where he lives.
It doesn’t matter.
It really doesn’t matter.
All that matters is that I have a free hour to nap while Piper is asleep, and I’m wasting it thinking about Wyatt and worrying about the severe disconnect between us. For the first time since I was eighteen, I’m unemployed and have nothing to do but raise kids. And that means I can take naps—well, when the baby takes a nap I can—but it doesn’t fucking matter if I don’t actually sleep during naptime.
Several deep breaths, a few calming chants, and some major determination to fall asleep later, and I’m dosing off. And it’s glorious. I’m right at the place where everything is slowly getting fuzzy and my thought processes are slower than normal, and I don’t make sense even in my own brain. Sleep is like a drug when you’ve got kids. I swear, if a dealer sold it on a corner, I’d be like a goddamn junkie looking for my next fix.
I slowly slip into a quiet, thoughtless abyss.
A loud, obnoxious banging sounds from the other side of the front door. I don’t know if I’ve been asleep for a minute or an hour, but suddenly I’m not asleep anymore. I’m wide awake and fixing to beat somebody’s ass. I pull my tired body up from the couch and practically crawl to the front door. My eyes are heavy, my head hurts, my body is worn, and my right index finger twitches to pull the trigger on a gun I’m not even holding. I might not have a gun in hand, but I could go for an old-fashioned ass whooping right about now. So help me God, today is not the day to go to jail. I’ve got shit to do.
I pull the door open without even thinking about it being someone dangerous. By the time I realize it could’ve been a threat, it’s too late. My vision is fuzzy from my being half-asleep, so I close one eye to better focus only to wish I hadn’t. Ryan Stone, Wyatt’s new sergeant-at-arms, is standing in the doorway with a pissed-off look on his face. I’ve known Ryan for most of my life, and he’s not only an asshole, but he’s a cocky asshole to boot. He’s moody, irrational, and, last I checked, a fucking child half the time. I like his dad, Jim, a lot, so I should probably avoid choking his son.
Still, it’s a fantasy.
“Moving truck’s here,” he says shoving past me and into the house. I breathe a sigh of relief and look outside only to find Ruby’s red Suburban. The moving truck is nowhere in sight.
“I don’t see it.”
“Yeah, what I meant to say was the moving truck is at your new house. Your shit will fit in the Suburban, right?”
“New house? Excuse me?”